Tags
bullying, children, concern troll, cyber bullying, diet, examples, exercise, fat, fat shaming, fitness, health, jennifer livingston, lifestyle, morality, news anchor, obesity, role models
Everyone’s talking about that overweight anchorwoman, Jennifer Livingston, who defended herself against a concern troll who emailed her.
Surely you don’t consider yourself a suitable example for this community’s young people, girls in particular. Obesity is one of the worst choices a person can make and one of the most dangerous habits to maintain. I leave you this note hoping that you’ll reconsider your responsibility as a local public personality to present and promote a healthy lifestyle.
Livingston called him out on-air and pointed out that fat people KNOW they are fat and don’t need it pointed out by random strangers, and asked him if he really thought that his rudeness set any better of an example.
So now the world is full of people applauding this woman for standing up for herself, while others go “but he’s right, you know.”
I had to listen to it on the radio this morning. The male DJ was totally behind Livingston, while the female DJ kept saying “yeah, but he had a point. I mean, would it be okay to have a fat children’s show host?”
It was all very Helen Lovejoy.
Sure, Jennifer Livingston wasn’t smoking on tv, or guzzling potato chips while delivering local news, but she did commit the fairly sizeable (pun intended) crime of BEING FAT PUBLICLY.
Fat people, just by going on tv, looking fat, are telling our kids that it’s okay to look different from the anorexic models in the fashion magazines.
And we don’t want THAT, do we?
And, the woman DJ argued, what is wrong with a little concern trolling now and then? As she and many commenters on the Youtube clip point out:
a) The concern troll emailed her in a private email, so it’s not like he was mean to her in public, which is the important thing.
b) The email was written politely and didn’t use the word “fat”.
c) The emailer was just trying to help.
After all, aren’t we all morally obligated to offer help to someone who walks around being fat all the time?
a) Maybe they don’t know they’re fat, and need someone to tell them. It is entirely possible that they haven’t glanced in a mirror, looked down, or checked the size of their clothes in years.
b) If you don’t actually use the terms “fat”, “pig-like” or “tub o’ lard”, and as long as it is phrased politely, it is completely socially appropriate to go up to a stranger and suggest they reconsider their physical flaws.
c) Won’t someone PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?
There’s just a couple teeny little points, though, that I would like to add as fat-for-thought to the people who make these delightfully smug little arguments.
Obesity Is Not A Choice Or Habit
Anyone who thinks that a fat person is actively waking up each morning and thinking “hmm, I think I’ll be fat today” is a complete idiot.
Our society places a huge weight (pun still intended) on being thin.
Whereas once upon a time, a little extra weight was a sign of abundance and fertility, it is now taken as a sign of poverty and laziness.
People, especially women, want to be thin. I have yet to meet a woman who says “I think I looked better at 200 lbs, so I’m trying to pack it back on.”
That may have been a thing in the ’30s, but it sure isn’t these days.
You can make choices that may or may not affect your weight, like where to eat, how much to eat, and how often you exercise.
There are also lots of bad habits you can develop which can contribute to weight gain, like eating junk food, watching TV instead of exercising, and drinking soda pop.
Obesity itself is neither a choice nor a habit. It is a physical state of being and if you think that it is a visible proof of your bad choices, you’re wrong there, too.
Obesity Is Not Proof of An Unhealthy Lifestyle
Weight is not a barometer for health, nor is it visible evidence of your diet, exercise routine, or anything else.
The causes of obesity are many and complex in nature.
Weight is partially controlled by genetics.
It may be related to the microbes that live in your intestinal tract.
It doesn’t even correlate with the amount of calories/fat being consumed.
Some people find it easy to lose weight. Some people find it hard to gain weight. Some people find it hard to lose weight. Some people find it easy to gain weight.
Slim doesn’t automatically mean “healthy”, either. People with cancer are thin, but not healthy. People with anorexia are thin, but not healthy.
The world is chock full of people who eat potato chips, and McDonald’s, and who don’t exercise, and who are still within a normal weight range. You probably know people like this. Do their hummingbird metabolisms make them healthy, despite a diet of fast food and pork rinds?
For every person who is slim despite an unhealthy lifestyle, there is a person who is overweight despite a healthy lifestyle.
I know a lot of “fat” people who work really hard to be healthy.
One goes to the gym regularly and eats like a rabbit, but has never managed to get the weight off of her thighs.
Another stuck strictly to a diet and exercise program designed and supervised by a physician specializing in weight loss, and did lose a lot of weight… but is still well into the obese range.
Then she wrecked her knee and spine while at the gym one day and gained some of that hard earned weight-loss back because she was on strict bed rest for months while waiting for surgery.
Meanwhile, the world is just full of skinny people who have never worked so hard for something their entire lives, who feel free to judge her, because when they pass her on the street, they think “she must be doing something wrong because she doesn’t look like me.”
Oh, and the best part is, science says that obese people are doomed, because the more closely you watch your diet, the more food your body demands. So the world is full of fat people who are doing their best and still getting fatter.
On the other hand, studies show that even thin people can be fat, whereas obese people who do live healthy lifestyles are… healthy.
So you can’t look at someone who’s fat and say “oh, they must be so unhealthy.”
It turns out that they may actually be healthier than you.
Or maybe science is wrong and obese people are just lazy and greedy. You can tell by looking at them.
Because they’re fat.
Obesity Is Not A Moral Issue
I don’t care who you are, or how ugly you may look. You are not morally obligated to look more attractive for me or my children.
Hell, you aren’t morally obligated to do anything that doesn’t directly affect my child, and that includes indulging in those bad habits that may contribute to obesity.
If you are running red lights, sticking your knife into people, or sexually molesting people, then that’s a moral issue.
But your weight? Not a moral issue.
You are not morally obligated to change your looks for society.
Do it for yourself.
Do it for your health.
Do it if it makes you happy.
Do it if you CAN.
Don’t do it for the CHILDREN.
Healthy habits are built at home. They don’t come a kid from looking at a fat person on the street and thinking “yeah… why SHOULD I exercise, anyway?”
And even if children did think that way, should we pass laws requiring people to get their teeth straightened, because crooked teeth tell kids it’s okay to not wear their retainers?
At what point does personal appearance just become… personal?
Then again, maybe appearance does matter, but are fat people really the ones who influence our kids?
Is Beauty A Moral Issue?
Are parents actually hearing their kids saying “Mom, I want to be fat when I grow up, so I can be a successful career woman like Jennifer Livingston”?
Somehow I doubt it.
We admire and emulate the beautiful. That’s why commercial actors usually aren’t overweight, or slovenly, or buck-toothed. Because we want to be like the beautiful people.
I bet that that same news show with Jennifer Livingston shows fast food commercials during its commercial breaks.
Which of the following women is setting a worse example for your children?
Maybe thin, beautiful people are the ones with the moral obligations.
They’re the ones we want to imitate, the Barbies of the world that little girls hope to be like one day.
Maybe skinny people should refuse to eat ice cream in public, or sit around at McDonald’s, because they are setting a bad example by showing off unhealthy habits.
They are telling kids, “Yes, you can eat fatty foods and still be thin.”
In fact, maybe fat people are doing a good thing by walking around in front of kids. The fatter the better, and preferably doing unhealthy things. They’re doing their bit for society not by setting a bad example, but by demonstrating a great warning.
Then you can point to them and say “hey, if you don’t eat your veggies or take gym next semester, you’ll end up looking like that guy.”
It wouldn’t be true, but you know, whatever.
Somehow “I can’t promise that you won’t be fat some day, but if you eat healthy and exercise you’ll at least be more likely to be healthy” doesn’t have the same cachet.
Maybe that’s why no one says it.
Look, there are people out there who eat too much, and eat the wrong things, and don’t exercise, and gain weight as a result.
I am one of those people.
But I know a lot of people who are not.
I know skinny girls who eat more than me and fat people who eat less and visit the gym more. And you can’t pick us apart by just looking at us.
Besides, maybe I should get REALLY fat and eat McDonald’s publicly a lot, while wearing a big sandwich board saying “KIDS, DON’T BE LIKE ME”.
I’d just be doing my part. For the children.
And it would be delicious.
Erin B said:
Thank you. I wish was just didn’t worry about my body and what I can do with it…. but I don’t know any woman who is totally secure with how she looks.
IfByYes said:
Me neither. Including some REALLY beautiful ones.
Bree said:
I just started following your blog and I love it! I am a size 14 and despite the fact that I am an adult, my parents (who are both way heavier than me) call me fat and sometimes try to count my food and berate me about it. For the most part I am comfortable the way I am, but when people take it upon themselves to act as though MY body is their responsibility, that is where I draw the line.
I’m also starting out as a preschool teacher and find it really appalling when parents come up and accuse others of abusing and/or neglecting their child because they so happen to be a little chubby. I really think people should mind their own business and live their lives instead of trying to live ours.
For the record, Jennifer Livingston is beautiful and Paris Hilton would be lucky to look like that.
IfByYes said:
AMEN!!
Bree said:
I actually found some great info on this blog as insight into child development and a parent’s perspective when it comes to childcare. It’s actually helping me a lot as I’m just starting out teaching preschool and ultimately want to teach elementary school special needs children. 😀
IfByYes said:
I’m so glad!
Bree said:
By the way, Owl is adorable! 2 year olds are so funny at that age. 😀
Karyn @ kloppenmum said:
Well said.
IfByYes said:
*curtsies*
kenanddot said:
Well said – with you all the way.
Laura said:
Thank you, Carol, thank you, thank you, thank you. I actually got into it a bit with some people on a message board over this very issue, but was nowhere near as eloquent & bloody sensible as you are. Every word you said true. (I will not bore you with the responses I got, BTW; there were some real jaw-droppers.) And seriously: did the author of the e-mail figure Ms. Livingston hadn’t seen herself in the mirror in a good long while? at what point does someone’s appearance become *our* business?
And to Erin B., also true: I don’t know a single woman who is totally secure in how she looks. One thing that stuck with me from watching the video was Ms. Livingston’s reference to her “children.” Not “child,” but “children.” It is one thing to try to lose weight, quite another after you’ve had several children; it is one thing to try to eat healthy when you’re cooking for yourself, quite another when you are cooking (as many mothers are) for a family.
Thank you again, Carol.
IfByYes said:
Feel free to smack this rant at douchemeisters like those. There are far too many fat shakers our there masquerading as concern trolls.
mannahattamamma said:
Needed to be said, absolutely. And of course, the entire discussion is gendered. Has anyone sent Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Al Roker (back in the day), or any other man a note that says (politely) you’re fat & it’s a bad example? Nope. Or if so, they ain’t copping to it. Fat is a sexist issue, too, on top of everything else you said. When men start to give birth & have to manage children and postpartum tummies, thighs, and everything else, then maybe…MAYBE I will listen. Meanwhile why don’t we all just shut up about one another’s bodies, sexualities, and every other damn thing that isn’t anyone’s business but our own.
harumph.
IfByYes said:
Damn straight. And what about Santa?? He should be ashamed of himself.
Traxy said:
Excellent post, couln’t agree more with it!
I first came across the news story through a page on Facebook, ThyroidChange (add .org to visit their website). She’s one of those people who are extremely healthy and actually very fit but who still can’t shed the pounds, as she has a thyroid condition. A lot of people do, yet they are undiagnosed. But all society sees is that they are fat, and being overweight carries a stigma.
I was going to elaborate, but I have an armful of cat demanding a cuddle here. 😀
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jobwelldumb said:
thanks so much for this write up. I, too, couldn’t agree with you more.
Straight up, Im a fatty yet I have better cholesterol levels than my cousin who has always hovered around 105 pounds. I have lower blood pressure than my 120 pound sister who has to now take medication for hers. Type 2 Diabetes runs in my family and surprisingly, hit my 108 pound health-nut aunt and 115 pound sister but not fatty McMe. For the most part, Im healthy but of course, I get the “concerned talks” about how I should drop a few (dozen) pounds “for my health”. I just have the feeling its more so I’ll no longer offend their eyeballs.
I also agree with mannahattamamma about this being a sexist issue. Jezebel did an article on a similar issue a few weeks ago (about the “psychologist” who wrote an article for psychology today about fat women at his grocery store – basically posing as a concerned citizen when really, he just hates fat women) and it is appalling how some men almost find it a personal affront that a fat woman be in their presence -while fat men are given a slide. Its like that ridiculous family guy quote: “Fat men are not fat. Fat women are fat”
In the comment section I found solidarity with women who also question why some men almost get angry with them that they aren’t thin and beautiful. Yes, angry. I cant count the dirty glares or snide comments Ive received just for existing in the same space.
IfByYes said:
Good for you. Yes, society’s shame for the far is truly more about esthetics. Let’s change those esthetics. We need an anti thin movement.
jobwelldumb said:
Haha! well, I get that the social mores against fat people aren’t gonna change and since the realization of the obesity epidemic I’d be a fool on the losing side if I ever really tried to get on an anti thin movement.
There are a lot of people who are obese and have terrible diseases because of it; but it still doesn’t make it right for some dickwad to give me thinly-veiled insults disguised as advice I never wanted. It’s not about my health, its not them wanting me to be an example for the children or helping to stop the spread of obesity. Fat people disgust you. I’ve accepted that it’s people’s rights to think however they want but unless you’re my doctor or personal trainer and I asked you for advice, keep your motherfucking mouth shut 🙂
I feel like people have become Jehovah’s witness-like about doling out their opinions against fat people to whomever. I’m no stranger to rude comments and unsolicited advice.
Just the other day as I was walking my dogs in front of this one house that was throwing a bbq, one of the guys called me a fat fucking pig in spanish. At first I thought, or was hoping, he was talking about my dog (he’s a pug mix and is HUGE for his size) but talking to other people, Its apparent it was about me. It hurts and it sucks that people have that kind of audacity. It’s almost ok for people to say some nasty things if the victim is fat and you can hide behind “oh but I meant well”…Bullshit.
I’m not trying to change people’s view on fat people but give me my dignity. Keep your opinions to yourself. Because just like the Jehovah’s, your anti-fat evangelism isn’t very effective and I’m not converting because you told me I should.
Sorry for the rant and story. This one clearly hits home for me.
IfByYes said:
Glad you stopped by
Hugh Jass said:
This is completely wrong. Obese people have only themselves to blame for being fat. Have you ever seen anyone who had gotten out of a concentration camp from WW II fat? Thought so.
IfByYes said:
Are you suggesting that starving in a concentration camp is better/healthier than being fat??
Explain how on Earth you could think that.
Also, you just gave your own comment a thumbs up. Awesome.
DrGeeves said:
i only take issue with your blurring of the continuum (so to speak).
you are right that obesity itself is not a choice or a bad habit – but it is also true that obesity is an inevitable consequence for those who make poor choices (emphasis on the plural).
you are right that society worries too much about thinness or fatness, but “a few extra pounds” is not the same as being obese.
and while you are right that something like obesity (like myriad other medical issues) is indeed multifactorial, it isn’t like you can become obese simply by having poor genetics and funky gut microbes. Those things may indeed predispose you much more than others to resultant obesity, but you still have to make the turns in the road that lead to that much weight gain.
also, for the record, ms livingston is, at worst, borderline obese.
IfByYes said:
Obesity is not an “inevitable” result of poor choices. Developing a cocaine addiction is a poor choice. That does not lead to obesity. Slitting one’s wrists is a poor choice. That does not lead to obesity. And, as I have given evidence of, the world is full of people who eat junk and don’t exercise who remain thin despite their unhealthy habits.
So why is obesity an inevitable result?
And yes, you can become obese simply by having bad genes and funky microbes. One of the articles I linked to specifically discussed a lady who ate LESS food than the average person, and was still grossly obese.
As one of the bigger idiots to comment on this post pointed out, no one gets far in a concentration camp. But when you are looking at the normal range of healthy eating and exercise, there is very little evidence that weight correlates to diet and exercise. If you have someone who consumes 5000 calories a day and never moves, there is an excellent chance that they will be obese, just as if someone eats 300 calories a day they will be skinny. I would argue that both choices are extremely unhealthy and not to be emulated.
Within healthy normal limits, you find a very wide spectrum of weighs, and that means that obesity may be inevitable for certain people, but it likely has very little to do with their “choices”.
jbk said:
Omfg of course being fat is part of a habit and it is a choice. You can have high or low metabolism but fat doesn’t just come out of nothing.
You eat a lot of fattening food and don’t excersize you get fat. Its not some great ******* mystery.
You can have some excuses like you dont have the time, work on your ass all day, take care of kids. Although if you are taking care of kids and dont get any exercise out of it then you must not be doing a good job.
IfByYes said:
Ok, what about the people who eat junk food constantly and are still skinny? What about the people who exercise and eat salad and exercise and are still overweight?
At no point do I say that over eating and no exercise make you skinny. I am saying that weight is a complex issue and for many people who try very hard to lose weiht and fail, it is not a choice. I know too many people who do things right and are still fat to believe that bullshit.
You haven’t presented any arguments against the points and research I presented which makes me think that you are a lemming.
Don’t just repeat what people have told you. Look at the world around you. Read the research. Stop judging.