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amanda todd, breasts, bullies, bullying, cyber bullying, depression, misogyny, shame, slut-shaming, suicide
I’ve been hesitating about whether or not to write about Amanda Todd.
I’ve decided that I really have to, since she lived so near me and since I know what it is to be bullied.
But I can never say that I know what it is like to be Amanda Todd.
Only she could tell us that, and she tried, and now she’s dead. Her pain can never be recalled.
Furthermore, the entire thing seems so bafflingly senseless.
Even more bafflingly senseless are the douchetards of the world who are now using Amanda Todd as a poster-girl for “poor little white girl” type memes and “suicidal people deserve to die” type claims.
Disgusting.
These people use the exact same logic that put Amanda Todd in this position in the first place:
1. If you show your breasts to someone/sleep with a boy who has another girlfriend, you are a slut.
2. If you are a slut, you deserve to die.
The logistical gap between conclusion one and conclusion two is such a Grand Canyon style leap that it leaves ME gaping.
Because that’s what this is really about.
Amanda Todd is an example case against cyber-bullying, but the issues are much bigger than that.
Yes, sure, she was cyber-stalked by some creepy pedophile who kept posting nude pictures of her and mailing those shots to her friends and classmates.
That’s bad.
But Amanda could have survived the cyber bullying quite well if the real-life people in her world weren’t such complete and utter douchebags.
Here’s what I don’t get:
WHY did she lose all her friends when Pedo-creep emailed her breasts to them?
WHY did she get taunted out of three schools just because she was being stalked by a pedophile?
Where was the sympathy?
Where was the sense of proportion?
I mean, in the two years since Owl was born, I can safely say that ALL my friends have seen my boobs.
None of them have dumped me for it.
If someone emailed candid shots of my boobs to all my friends, I think they’d say “uh, you have a stalker, we need to report this to the police.”
They wouldn’t DUMP me. They wouldn’t RIDICULE me.
THAT’S what killed Amanda Todd.
Not the pedocreep and his ugly facebook pages and his emails.
It was the kids who saw those photos and decided that it said more about her than it did about him.
It was the friends who didn’t stand by her, the people who told her she deserved to die for doing such a TOTALLY MINOR THING.
And I mean minor with pun intended.
The same thing happened again in the sleeping-with-someone’s-boyfriend incident.
She was lured into a douchebag’s home and then slept with him. She doesn’t go into many details on this point – it could easily have been a date rape.
So who gets blamed for this?
Oh right – SHE DOES.
The boy’s girlfriend, 15 other girls, and the boy himself accost her in public and beat her up over it. When she’s driven to attempted suicide over the incident, kids send her pictures of bleach, instead of sympathy and flowers.
WHY?
Today’s youth are supposed to be progressive, more feminist… but they still blame the girls and not the guys.
They still believe that being a slut is the same as being a bad person.
They still believe that a girl who is provoked into flashing a pedophile is to blame for the pedophile’s attentions.
Shame kills us.
Social rejection kills us.
Ultimately, it was the shame and social rejection that Amanda Todd encountered in her day to day life which was so devastating to her mental health.
And shame for what? For having sex? For being a cheater?
A child was targeted by a pedophile. Her friends and classmates, and the people who post sickening defensive rants all blame… the child.
A child is lured into a boy’s home and he has sex with her. Her peers blame… the child.
It’s crazy.
All these people, all these schoolmates, all of them think that a photo of some breasts and being involved with a cheating guy make her worthy of DEATH?
SERIOUSLY?
I can’t imagine what she went through, but I do know that it was STUPID. Not because she made stupid mistakes. I think “teenagers” and “stupid mistakes” are basically synonymous anyhow.
What was stupid was how this stuff was blown so totally out of proportion, until she believed that a couple of mistakes had ruined all chances of worth and happiness.
Being bullied changes you.
I wasn’t targeted for sexual behavior like Amanda. I was targeted just for being new to the school, being bookish, being a bad dresser.
I was spat on, taunted, made to feel worthless. They blocked my route to my locker, kicked my school books down the hall.
“I’m going to set fire to your house and kill your whole family”.
“Carol’s an alien!”
“I’m going to punch you in the face.”
“Why are you such a loser?”
“Why don’t you smoke?”
“Why don’t you shave your legs?”
“Why do you love school so much?”
Actually, I dreaded school each day.
To this day, I find it hard to look attractive men in the eyes, because as a 13 year old I looked into the eyes of the boys around me and saw nothing but hate and scorn.
And why? Because my mother put my in floral turtlenecks? Because I raised my hand in class? Because I was new?
I didn’t deserve it any more or less than Amanda Todd.
Wearing bottle green pants, showing your breasts… we all make mistakes when we’re 13 years old.
But as you get older, things change.
Unlike Amanda Todd, I had some friends who actually stuck with me.
So I hung on.
The boys gave up taunting me first. The two most persistent girls eventually backed off. One backed off because she couldn’t keep up when I returned her insults.
“Tanya, maybe you should hide. I think I hear the dog catcher coming,” I said once when I was offered a punch in the face. She looked nonplussed, and it took her a while to figure out what I was implying. The other bully, much quicker on the uptake, burst out laughing, and without her moral support she only threw a handful of corn chips at me and stormed off.
The other bully eventually developed a grudging respect for me. The teasing stopped and we basically ignored each other for years.
The Christmas after Owl was born, I went to my high school reunion.
I ended up sitting next to the respectful bully and we showed each other photos of our kids, and she told me about having to take her son to New York to see a medical specialist, who saved her son’s life.
Things change.
High school ends.
People grow up. At least, a lot of them do.
Social rejection will always hurt. I was bullied at work and driven off the deep end by it, so I can’t promise that bullying will never happen out of school.
But it isn’t as bad. Nor does being bullied in school indicate that you will be bullied out of it.
And the older you get, the whole showed-your-tits thing becomes less and less of an issue, because as you get older, it becomes increasingly normal to have sex. By the time you’re 30, the virgins are the weird ones.
Besides, feelings get… less intense when you’re an adult.
Even depression is less intense.
Nothing is as intense as your teenage emotions.
It’s impossible to tell a teenager this, because they don’t KNOW it.
When you’re a teen, high school is all there is, and you think it’s a test case for how the rest of the world will receive you.
And it’s not true.
The popular kids from high school?
They aren’t any more successful than the rest of us. In fact, a lot of them are LESS successful. In fact, a lot of them have gotten fat.
Kids, if you are out there, thinking of following Amanda’s footsteps, think of this:
If you kill yourself now you miss out on the chance of going to your high school reunion, being more successful than the people who made you miserable, and able to note how unattractive and slovenly they have become, and you will be shocked by how much shorter and inconsequential they seem.
Kids, if you are out there, and someone in your school is being bullied, don’t jump on the band wagon.
Don’t even just report it to the teachers.
Go sit down with them at lunch and tell them that whatever they are being teased about is not a big deal.
You could be saving a life.
And now, in memory of Amanda Todd, here is a picture of one of my boobs.
Edit: If you found this blog by googling Amanda Todd’s breasts or a variation thereof, please click here.
Please consider donating to an anti-bullying organization, such as Bullying Canada or to Cybertip.ca, which works to prevent child exploitation online, or to a teen suicide prevention organization like teensuicidepreventio.org.
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If By Yes 
Carol, I want to save this for my daughter to read when she needs it.
I wish everyone could read it when they needed it.
I am gonna make my daughter read this. Also your boobs are awesome. Just like you.
Why thank you!
My cousin is going through the exact same thing, except she never flashed or had sex with anyone. In middle school she got bullied to the point of becoming anorexic and suicidal, and it seemed as though she was doing better once she got into high school this year. Sadly, it just got worse. All of her and her twin sister’s friends turned against both of them and joined in with the bullying and they refuse to include them in anything and now they don’t want to go to school and have even ditched class to get away from these people. Each and every time school officials were told and they did nothing and the bullying kept escalating.
Today my cousin told them she was going to hang herself and she was hospitalized. I can’t imagine what her sister is going through as well, as she is being bullied as well.
I’ve been watching them since they were 6, so you can imagine how upset I am, and even more so because I work with kids and because I understand how psychologically damaging these things can be for children.
I am eerily reminded of Amanda Todd when I hear what my cousins are going through, and I’m trying to do everything I can to prevent them from following the same path.
I also hope this post can help spread awareness and help people understand the importance of showing compassion, even just texting a bullied child each day asking about their day and just talking things over can go a really long way.
Oh, how awful. Family members must feel so helpless in this sort of situation. The thing is, as I was saying to a commenter on my Facebook page, we need conditional love in this world as well as unconditional love. Sometimes all the unconditional love from family cannot overcome the feeling that the only people who find you likable are the people who “have to” love you. These girls need friends. I would maybe get these girls out doing new activities with new kids, so they might have a chance to make friends who are outside the bullyin group. Changing schools won’t work. It’s very hard to break into teen cliques. But a camp group where everyone is new provides a real fresh start. Tell them that when they go to university, everything will change for the better!
I have told them that all the time, and at the time it seemed to cheer them up, but then everything goes downhill again. Their mom is putting them in a new school, but there are bullies everywhere so running away won’t solve anything.
They are afraid to go to school and can be quite shy at first. I’ve tried encouraging them to stick together, focus on classes, and go to dances and events to meet new people because there’s 1,500 people in that school so obviously not all of them will be terrible people, but I guess it’s not doing any good.
I get so upset too because their father was very abusive towards them and my aunt, and she gets severe anxiety and panic attacks and yells a lot sometimes, and her new husband always picks fights, so dealing with that and then going to school only to be bullied some more…I could see why one could feel hopeless in such a situation, and it’s like these bullies feed off of it and don’t even care what they’re doing to these girls.
I’ve even shared my own experiences hoping it would help them feel like they’re not alone, but I don’t know if it did. I even told them no matter what happens or what time it is, they can call or text me and I would without fail pick up for them.
Wish I could speak with her… am sure I could change her thought process. I have been bullied since my school days as I was dark in color, a lil squint and had some white patched on my face due to some deficiency. Every made fun of me, I had no one to had lunch with, play with. I stole money from my dad’s wallet to make friends, to buy chocolates to please them. When I grew & went to college, I was a lil guy kinda gurl, I was upfront & straight forward.. I made friends but they were not the true ones… Later I passed college & started working, I had heart-breaks, the first guy I loved the most was with me coz he wanted to sleep with me then the trend started every second I would meet has just one intention of sleeping with me “what do i look like a slut to you”. I started hating them, then people started judging me, naming me; they called me “Lesbian”. Gurlz used to run away from me as if I got some disease & I used to run away from guys, coz I didnt want the same shit again.
But I never gave up, I started being loud & answered back people “Gurlz have nothing to please me & guys with tht hanging dick doesnt excite me”. They called me impotent, I answered “I dnt feel its necessary for me to claim my sexuality to anyone”. They called me fat & short, I said “beautiful things always comes in small package like diamond”. They hated me, I gave them all the reasons to hate me but I never stopped loving myself coz I am beautiful from within.
Now trust me they all cry to be with me coz of my feminine, my class, my circle & moreover for whom I AM.
Now I have just one guy in my Life, who loves me not for my body but for who I am.
Love yourself, world will love you. Respect yourself, they will respect you.
I used to be bullied from elementary to high school because my dad is a drug addict and would wreck our cars and drive up like that, and one day the school bully saw him bring me in late after wrecking the car and I was humiliated cause he spread it like wildfire. Everyone judged me because I was poor and for how my father was and I went through hell for it. Luckily I had a few very close friends since middle school and high school to pull me through, and I always talked back.
In eleventh grade I was, like Amanda, lead on by a guy friend who happened to have a girlfriend unbeknownst to me, and he ended up date raping me during school one day and I got threatened with violence and called a slut by everyone in that group. He was also messing around with one of my friends and it ruined our friendship because she couldn’t get past it, like I was the bad person and not him. My senior year I also got taken advantage of by a really mentally unstable guy, and I felt totally trapped and like I had noone to turn to, but my true friends (including my boyfriend now) stuck by me and helped me get away from him. After that I learned to get my stuff in order and I learned to love myself and to do what’s right for ME and to take care of myself instead of worrying about others and their judgmental nonsense.
Now I am in college teaching preschool getting ready to transfer to a university to pursue my major in special needs elementary education, and I’ve been in a relationship with my amazing boyfriend for 3 years. He helped me feel whole again and is the only one who really understands me and makes me feel loved, and that’s enough for me. Why worry about the opinions of others when I have someone who loves me for who I am as opposed to my class and/or dress size. These past 3 years have been the happiest of my entire life, and we plan on getting married soon.
Good things can happen to us. It took a long time for me, but I’m glad it got better. I was on a bad path before, but now I am the happiest I’ve ever been thanks to my boyfriend and my few true friends for sticking by my side, showing empathy and compassion, and for not judging me like so many others did.
Thank you for that moving story. It must have been terrible, and I’m so glad you got through it.
I believe it’s important to talk about it and spread awareness so our children can learn that there is a light at the end of the tunnel despite all the pain and injustices you’re being forced to endure throughout your life. That’s why if any of my friends or cousins ever feel alone or suicidal or what have you, I will always pick up my phone for them to talk no matter what time it may be. 🙂
I agree whole heatedly.
Good for you. I admire anyone who has managed to survive the trials of bullying because it is such a difficult war.
can you pls tell me the ehole story how amanda died and why she suicide? I thought she don’t have friends? but i saw on all pages there’s a lot of pictures with her and her friends. where are they when amanda need them? she abused for alamost a years but that picture is just like a month or ayear ago before she commits sucide? I dont really understand. 😦 I love amanda todd.
I suggest you hear it in her own words – watch the video she made, I embedded it at the beginning of this post.
to be perfectly honest you are right in most aspect but don’t assume to know what it is like to grow up in now’s society.
im 23 and i grew up in a town with close to 90% black population so i know what it truly means to be persecuted and ridiculed. Having to fight a horde or people almost daily just to get on bus then to get home to a father figure that would beat you so bad you had to take days off school to heal so you could sit down in class without people asking whats the matter but you know what kids these day need to do, GROW A FUCKING PAIR OF BALLS. They complain about every single aspect of there BLESSED lives. 9 years before i told my mother i was being beaten because i didn’t want to be weak and worry her. Who cares if there are people that don’t like you SHIT HAPPENS. Who cares if your friends turn there backs on you, do you really want friends like that anyways????
If you simply applied a little more time to a hobby or sport or god forbid some studying you will find that you don’t need other immature brats around you.
in short look out for number one before anything else because when all else fails who will people turn to with there problems, the try hard angsty bully or the head strong mature one standing out from the croud
I like how I write a post about the inherent misogyny behind what happened to this girl and your advice is that she needed to grow a pair of balls. In one way you’re right: if she had Benn a boy and had a pair of balls she would not have been slut-shamed this way.
I am sure your life was harder than hers but depression is an equal opportunity killer. For more information about depression as a deadly disease, I recommend you look at my Remission post syndicated by BlogHer. You can get to it by clicking the BlogHer logo on the right hand column near the top of this post.
the balls comment was not directed at just amanda but young society in general so please dont take me as a sexist man. when a man is told to grow a pair it means be confident, dont think to yourself im piece of shit KNOW your something special no matter what they say
If you believe your a 11/10 how can someone take that away from you…they cant
if you think your a 1/10 how can someone tell you your amazing…they cant
it all comes down to your view…put number 1 first regardless
me im a 50/10
I agree that that is the right attitude to take, but it can be extremely hard to convince yourself of that, especially when fighting depression. Cognitive behavior therapy is largely focused on helping people develop a change in their mental voice. I think that would have been much more effective that Amanda’s antidepressants, which alter brain chemicals but not how you handle your emotional challenges.
Kids these days need to grow a pair of balls? What good does that do? Maybe when you were a kid and being beaten, you could have grown a pair of feet so that you could have stood up for yourself and your mother instead of avoiding being weak and worrying her. Or maybe you could have grown a pair of lips so you could have spoken up instead of accepting your father figure’s violent behavior as standard thus allowing it to continue.
Or maybe you need to grow a pair of breasts so you can understand what it must have been like for Amanda Todd when, as a child, she was provoked into showing them off and was ridiculed and bullied into isolation for doing so.
Amen!!
I found this post so poignant. Kudos for writing it Carol, and for sharing that picture of your boob.
I think that in large part society still hasn’t stepped away from the belief that women should be covered from neck to ankles and act like nuns or be labeled a slut…and women, in particular, help to promote this. I know women who have had an adulterous significant other, and the blame is always placed on the other female in the picture. These are empowered females in their 20’s and 30’s; this is the example that is being set for young girls. Children, particularly teenagers, need to be taught sympathy and compassion. Otherwise, they will baaaah like sheep and follow the loudest voice at the head of the pack of bullies. Add into the mix this generation of ‘sticker kids’ and they’re learned need for praise and acceptance, and we’ve got a melting pot of upcoming adults who can’t face the harsh criticism of going against the crowd.
Thank you for writing this.
I agree wholeheartedly, especially on the “compassion” part. People seem to have a lot of trouble trying to understand that pain is pain, and that you cannot judge a right or a wrong of how much someone suffers.
I cant tell you How thankfull i am i just read this! You are a 110% right.. And I didnt even go to highschool because I live in Sweden! But still we have the same problems, Thank you!
Sadly, these problems are no doubt a part of human nature…
ewwwwwww
Based on my blog stats, there’s a 90% chance that you found my blog by googlings pictures of a dead child’s breasts. So I am quite delighted to have disgusted you with my fat 30 year old boobs instead. Thanks for the smile.
Great blog, our world needs more people like you to make a difference and to help people going through this kind of problem. Standing up, not standing by. Good for you to be courageous. I really want to be able to help make a difference and to prevent more things like this from happening in our world. And way to tell off that “ewww” guy. haha. You just made him speechless probably haha.
*curtsies*
I am in the 10% who got here through the link at Amanda Todd’s Safe Haven. I agree that the taunting from her peers contributed greatly to her poor condition but her mother has pointed out that she did have friends who stood by her and supported her and her family was there for her. She was consumed with the task of finding her online stalker in her final hours. Sadly the odds are she likely encountered even more of the kind of nastiness that plagued her from the start. It seems she needed a SuperCop to go after her stalker and what she got was….well, knocks at the door at 4am because her underage boobs were being posted online and being forced to change schools and counseling…as you said, SHE was being put under the microscope to a much greater extent than her abusers were. I applaud your appeal to others who may feel depressed to be patient to not give up because it does get better as you mature and you find like-minded people who will stand up for you!
YES. And it breaks my heart that even after her death people continue to blame her for what happened, say she deserved her misery. She just needed her abuser to be caught, and we still haven’t managed that.
Wow, you are a wonderful lady. Wish Amanda could have learnt to give back. If she flashed her boobs, then people who bullied her did all this for a reason that they couldnt feel them not coz she flashed them. those gurlz who punched her, didnt punch her coz she slept with tht guy, it was simply coz they were jealous of she being so HOT. but it doesnt matter anymore as she is gone, she shouldnt have given up. RIP gurl
And thanx for this beautiful article 🙂
I think there is a lot of jealousy coming from the haters. There usually is.
Amanda todd never deserved this for all those who bullied her must have been jelous
You write “Today’s youth are supposed to be progressive, more feminist…” I don’t know where you’ve been sampling your youth opinions from; but over the past decade, or so, I’ve been constantly surprised and saddened by how reactionary and anti-feminist the youths I see are.
I’d love to blame something simple, like rap-music or violent video games; but honestly, I really see those more as the symptoms of the sick culture that we have, rather than the causes.
I think you are so right about every thing people will always judge you no matter how perfect you think you are but what is important is how you deal with it some turn to drugs other like Amanda do self harm but I think it is important to know there are people to help you I used to get bullied every day but that all changed when I sat down and spoke to someone about it and all the bullies stop. I got called horrible names, but I never let that stop me. Keep your head up high and keep moving forward ! 🙂 We are stronger together !
Carol, you are AWESOME, you are an ANgel for writing this 🙂
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I wish I knew you IRL so I could give you a high five.
Internet high fives are just as satisfying to me!
I was reading this post and thinking that it was so supportive not only for Amanda but also for all the people who suffered bullying in their lives. I presume that you intended to send a nice message but when you wrote “They aren’t any more successful than the rest of us. In fact, a lot of them are LESS successful. In fact, a lot of them have gotten fat.” you have lost all your credibility for me. What the hell does that mean? “most of them have gotten fat”? Is being fat a barometer of how succesful you are in life? That is pretty inmature and hateful through fat people and makes no sense in a post that pretends to send an anti-bullying message.
Ha ha. No. In fact, I recommend you check out the post I made a couple of days ago AGAINST fat shaming. But when those bullies tease you about your weight, you derive a certain amount of satisfaction from them gaining weight. It’s wrong but it’s true.
And as you can see from my boob photo, I’m no slender maid myself! In fact, the commenter before you called me a “fat cunt”.
your point is amazing, im glad youre getting this stuff out there, and actually, your 30 year old boob, is pretty awesome, not in any creepy way though.
I’m not sure if you understand what people are saying… she did slutty things and posted them willingly all over the internet. She was made fun of for it. This is a normal reaction. When you act like a Slut, people tend to call you one. Now this girl kills herself and we are all supposed to be sympathetic? Don’t get me wrong, the creep douche who was stalking her should get his penis cut off, but as for everyone else… she earned every bit of harassment she received. And suicide over this? Really? If she thought this was rock bottom, she should have waited a little while to see the real world. Oh, and then she wouldn’t have left her parents all kinds of screwed up and started this dumb ass campaign for a girl that wasn’t even bullied in a conventional sense.
Um, you need to get your facts straight. She didn’t post anything online. The creep douche did that. And your attitude that one instance of sexual behaviour is “slutty” is an example of the misogynistic attitude that killed this girl. I notice that no one has called the boy she slept with a slut or said that he deserves to be mocked into suicide over it. Besides, there’s a reason that there is a legal age of consent. It’s because children don’t always make responsible decisions. That’s not worth dying for. And if you think tha being rejected by all your peers isn’t something that can drive someone to suicide, you clearly dosn’t read the research I have posted. I suggest you become more informed.
You named your kid Owl? Thats stupid considering you’re so experienced with being bullied. Naming your kid such an odd name like “Owl” is pretty much setting him up for failure (when it comes to bullies). You just gave every bully something to make fun of. Way to go
You seriously think that’s his real name and that I would tell total strangers my son’s name? That isn’t bright either. Owl is obviously a pseudonym.
Ur noobs are nasty
Delighted to have disappointed you. Your grammar is even nastier than my, er, “noobs”
spell check please. im pretty sure ”boobs” don’t being with an N.
Wondering what her son’s name has to do with this post?? Some people have nothing else better to do…
Especially since anyone with half a brain reading this blog will realise that Owl is a pseudonym, just like Perfect Husband or Beloved Dog. Or do these people really believe Beloved Dog is the actual name of her dog?
This is a great post – I found it after Googling ‘Amanda Todd’ because I saw a hateful meme about her on Facebook. It was a picture of a young white male saying he’d suffered from various mental illnesses, and been abused, but hadn’t killed himself. Some of the comments you’ve gotten here are quite similar…
I really don’t understand why people think you can just ‘shrug off’ the effects of bullying, or the feeling of depression, or that a young girl has nothing to be depressed about. None of us choose to be depressed, it affects everyone differently and depression isn’t something that discriminates by gender, ethnicity or class. Kudos for pointing out how the memes that are spreading around are just as bad as the bullying that led Todd to take her own life.
And you seem like a very brave person – not just for posting that photo of yourself, but also for attending your high school reunion! Considering some of the people I had to put up with at school, I don’t think I’d go to mine in a million years!
You’re amazing i love you
Thank you for the courage you showed in writing this post. I truly pray that this poor teens suffering and death won’t be in vain! As parents it is OUR responsibility to raise children who are NOT bullies!! It is OUR responsibility to ensure that they learn how to make good choices, how to put themselves in another person’s shoes and how to stand up to peer pressure! 😦
I strongly believe kids are desensitize by the ubundace of violence and murder in games and television and are un aware that what they say and do has serious effect on a persons life, hence Amanda Todd! It is really up to the parents and or primary care givers to instill the proper moral values and common human desency and mutual respect for one another, regurdless of our own selfish opinions! What ever happend to love thy neighbour???? It is with great frustration that i write this! Why are are mothers and fathers not more involved, or furthermore, getting our kids of today to be held accountable for thier actions! Is our mothers and fathers too busy worrying about climbing the ladder of success and gaining social stats to stop and talk to our future leaders of this planet that we all share to make that special connection that can only resinate between a parent and thier kid,to just do the right thing no matter the approval of a hand full of miss guided youth! We as a group should be very dissapointed in one another! We are all human lets speed the message that hatered and bullying makes you a criminal!
I wish I could say that I think it’s video games, but I don’t think it is. I think it has been a part of human nature since we wiped out the Neanderthals- hatred of that which is different. Bullying and persecution, especially of women, has been going on for thousands of years. But I completely agree that empathy and kindness need to be instilled on the next generation. Looking back, most of my bullies were from poor education or socially disadvantaged homes. They probably had a lot of anger to take out on others. Love and kindness start at home.
Ok firstly you haven’t got your facts straight. Kids from Amanda’s school have come forth and said that:
Nobody cared she showed her tits.
The only reason people disliked her was she was a complete bitch.
She was never seriously bullied.
She was beaten up by ONE girl and her THREE friends watched not 16.
She never drank bleach (Even if she did she would have died. You cant just stomach pump bleach, she would be left with permanent defects in her speech and digestion)
She was very attention seeking as shown in her videos.
I admit sure is sad she killed herself but she wasn’t that angel that everyones putting her out to be. If you could actually SHOW me a picture of this so called “Cyber Bullying” BEFORE she died, I would be more incline to believe such a story.
Please get your facts straight before you go posting things.
The bleach is a matter of record. She was hospitalized for it. I am sure a lot of people cared about her breasts being shown and her parents and the police both have seen the evidence of the cyber bullying. The claims of some defensive teens after the fact do not invalidate actual known facts. I am sure she wasn’t an angel. Few people are. But she did suffer from depression. She did cry for help. She was a human being. And we should care about her and all others for just that reason.
I had never heard of this story until I read your blog post, Carol. How sad.
Some of the comments you’ve received have left me breathless as well. Wow.
In any event, loved your post. I now think I have a better understanding why you were and remain such a Harry Potter fan. 😉
Thanks for posting this, Carol! I found it on our World Moms Blog FB group. I’ve been meaning to write about bullying on my blog, but hadn’t gotten around to actually doing it. The whole Amanda Todd issue should be more than enough reason for me to do so, too! Will link up to your post, OK? 🙂 Blessings! Love from the Philippines!
Thanks!
If your husband or significant other cheated on you what would you do? This idea that she got blamed for a pedophiles attention… she knew the pedophile would do that. She knew not to give out pics of her Boobs. She knew the consequences as well. I agree that this is terrible, but the comment you made about girls being blamed over guys is totally stupid. When we do stupid stuff, we except the consequences, usually. When we don’t, a media circus gets made of us, in which we get trashed.
I agree that what has happened is terrible, and Is a disgrace to humanity, but we need to realize this isn’t new. It is a reality that we have lived with since the beginning of recorded history, and maybe even earlier. Just in a new form. We have had rude awakenings like this before, but sadly this open sore on the human race will never go away.
Also, we, as teens, are not becoming more feminist…
If my husband cheated on me, we would very likely divorce. I would not insist that he and my friends come with me to beat up the object of his illicit affections.
And no, the child did not know that the pedophile would screen capthe webcam session and email it everyone she knew, or that he would use it as blackmail. How could a child know and predict the evil that lurks in people? We don’t expect children to foresee the consequences of their actions. Teens are notorious for not foreseeing the consequences of their actions and a 12 year old is more a child than a teen. When a kid plays with matches and sets fire to himself, do we refuse to call the fire department, because he should be taking responsibility for his actions?
And how do you know she “knew not to give out pics of her boobs” (which she didn’t. She lifted her shirt for a guy who she thought liked her. That’s not the same as handing out postcards saying “here, would you like to see my boobs?”)?
Are you her parents? Did YOU sit her down at age 10 and explain to her that if you EVER show anyone your breasts, that you will be ostracized into suicide? Because I certainly missed that lesson, and I know a whole lot of people out there who must have too, because they have shown their breasts to people and NOT had their breasts end up all over the internet. In fact, since I posted that pic of my boob, not a single person has tried to blackmail me with it and not a single person who knows me has rejected me.
The only expected consequence that a 12 year old should foresee from this action is possibly getting caught and grounded by your parents. That’s enough. That’s reasonable.
So I fail to see how this social rejection is such an obvious natural consequence that a child of 12 should be able to foresee it.
But you, as her mother or father, must know that she KNEW these things, because you spoke with her yourself.
But wait. If you were her mother or father, you’d be too busy grieving and trying to do good in the world to troll people’s blogposts with nasty comments. So maybe you don’t know as much as you think.
You can’t say “yes, it’s awful that there are bad people out there” and then say you agree with the things bad people say. Decide for yourself what you want to be – do you think of yourself as a caring, empathetic human who feels the pain of others and feels that small mistakes shouldn’t be penalized with death? Or not?
It is kind of funny that you automatically put me in the place of the parents. I’m 15. I learned early in my life not feel anything, I learned to foresee results, you wanna know how I learned that I learned it by myself. I knew that everything has consequences outside of my home that I did in the future. if I could learn that as a young child, age 8 was when it first occurred to me, how come no other children can learn it? They can. Parent’s don’t set children up for the real world like mine did. Then weren’t even trying to, but their behavior, the way they acted, and the things they did ultimately drove me to this conclusion: you can’t trust anyone. I have been bullied, beat up, broken bones, bruised face. I can say this, I never felt any emotion from their ridicule and the pain they caused me. I don’t trust anyone, and it has always steered me straight. Children should know that.
She should have known the consequences. It is common sense.
I don’t put you in her parets’ place. i put you in her place, and remind you that you cannot know what others know.
I am sorry that you had such a difficult childhood and that rather than learn sympathy for others, that instead you are going the way of your parents and taken to becoming the same kind of bullying person who cannot feel the pain of others.
Hear this: you matter. You didn’t deserve the treatment you received in life. You are valuable. Your parents were wrong. You can be different. You can be kind. You can be good. You can help others by teaching them how not to act. You can give others the benefit of your experience, not by expecting them to already know that which they haven’t been taught, not by judging people and refusing to feel ther pain, but by opening your heart.
You are at crucial juncture of your life, because there are people like Amanda Todd in your school right now. You have the power.
Will you use it to exclude others, to mock their pain, and to help others hurt? Or will you use it to tell people, “it’s ok. We can survive. There are bad people out there, but we don’t have to be like them. We don’t have to listen to them. We can stick together.”
No one deserves to die for a simple mistake. No one deserves to feel worthless because of sexual choices. Sex is ok. Sex doesn’t make you worthless. Nothing makes you worthless. We are all valuable. We all deserve to be loved. Including people who make mistakes.
Give to others that which you did not receive: love and kindness and understanding. And you will find that it comes back to you, and the world wil finally be a better place. Give out that which you received – hurt and lack of sympathy- and you make the world a worse place. You create a world of more hurt.
Now is the time to decide – which kind of person do you want to be? Then go out there and either help save lives… Or help take them.
Because there is no middle ground in this world. We can give out kindness or give out pain. We can help make the weak strong or help beat them down.
You are young. Your life is before you.
Which kind of person will you choose to be?
I’m really sorry you’ve had such a rough start to your life. 😦 That said, I totally agree with everything that Carol has written, as well as her response to you.
My daughter is 16 years old. She is fiercely loyal to her friends and will simply not put up with bullying of any form. She also learnt that by herself, but she also knows that her father & I “have her back” no matter what!
What I have taught my children is that you will receive what you expect. If you expect that you can’t trust anyone, that will be your experience. My experience, as a 42 year old mother of teens (who survived a lot of things before eventually getting married) is that there is good and bad in EVERYONE WITHOUT EXCEPTION. Choose to focus on the good and you’ll be surprised by how much more pleasant your life will become!
That said, never forget that NO MATTER WHAT YOU HAVE DONE OR NOT DONE IN YOUR LIFE, YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE! I’m sending you love & best wishes
Nice post, and amazing points, but the question here is
WHY WAS THIS GIRL SHOWING HER BODY TO RANDOM GUYS???
WHY?
WHY DID SHE CONTINOUSLY BELIEVE THIS DUDE IN A RELATIONSHIP LIKED HER?
SHE HAD SEX WITH HIM BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT HE LOVED HER
EVEN THOUGH SHE KNEW HE WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP
I just don’t understand!
This sh*t went down when the girl was 12.
12! WTF
I have known a lot of people who went through stages like that. No doubt something to do with her family, personal issues etc etc.
‘I am who I am’ To quote God. I am a product of my past experiences. It would take new experiences.
Good news! Actually, that quote from the Bible more literally translates as “I WILL BE WHAT I WILL BE” *eerie music*
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Am_that_I_Am
You ARE a product of your past experiences, it’s true, but if you wait for the world to fix you, you will wait a long time. There is kindness and cruelty in equal measure. And as you leave childhood, you begin to take responsibility for your own actions. Your childhood was formed by your parents. Your adulthood is formed by you. If we say that a person is nothing but a sum of their past experiences, then no one is responsible for their actions. Your parents can’t be blamed for what they did to you, because they were just products of their past experiences. Amanda Todd is not responsible for her actions, because she is just a product of her past experiences. Anyone who ever hurts you cannot be blamed.
Which means that if you take that tack then you should be even more forgiving and understanding of others, because you place no blame on them. They are just products of their past experiences.
Now, what experience will you give them?
When you walk past a girl who is crying in the hall, you can choose what her experience of you will be. Will it be of someone who mocks her and makes her cry harder, teaching her that the world is a cruel place and that you are cruel, too? Will you ignore her, teaching her that the world is a cold place and that you are no someone who cares about the pain of others? Or will you stop and ask her if you can help, offer her a tissue to tidy her mascara, and teach her that there is goodness in the world, and that you yourself are part of that goodness?
You are valuable, and you are more than the sum of your past experiences. Your past experiences + your choices = YOU.
You can’t control one, but you can control the other. I have friends who came from abusive homes -as bad as yours – who have turned into loving, caring, gentle people. They don’t hit their kids. They don’t turn their backs on the pain of others. They have taken their terrible pasts and turned it into a lesson into what not to do, who not to be. And they have surrounded themselves with friends, and love, and that is what life gives them now. They have their issues. How can you not, when you still wake up at night aching from the pain of blows delivered to you forty years ago? But they are intact, and they have ended the cycle of pain.
I believe you can do that too, because you sound strong, and you sound smart, and I believe you can do better.
You will be great, and good, and smart, as soon as you decide that you want to be it.
Strength is what I call logic. Logic dictates that my current mind set is the most efficient. Everything bad that has happened to me is reversing, if that means that I will feel happy again, then so be it, until then I won’t feel happy.
If your focus is on being efficient rather than being a good person or giving to others, then that is your choice. I hope at some point in the future you will expand your choices to include kindness for others and I certainly hope that the people around you will make that decision so you receive some as well. Unfortunately f everyone decided not Ti be kind, we would live in a very cruel world indeed.
Well said, Carol! I’m living proof of what you have written. Thank you again for having the courage to write this post! ❤
Simply beautifully put Carol. As a boy I suffered intense bullying that I wouldn’t want to even share. But life has a way of turning things around. Your message is actually inspirational.
Funny how the pain of bullying sticks with us, long after we have grown up and moved on, isn’t it?
So you’re saying that Amanda Todd can’t be held resposible for her actions as she was “a child”, whilst those (same-age) schoolmates who bullied her *are* fully culpable.
I’m saying that our society needs to be held responsible for TEACHING slut-shaming attitudes to those kids. We live in a society where victims of rape and molestation are still being blamed. We are still teaching children that sexual behavior in females is worse than sexual behavior in males. We are still refusing to give sympathy to the mentally ill. Tess of D’Ubervilles should not still be re enacted by school children, but when it is, it is because society allowed it to be so.
Until we stand up and say “no! This is wrong! This needs to change!” nothing will. And that’s why people should be showing their breasts for Amanda Todd.
I agree it was a shame that she was pushed to the point of no return but I think the blame is 50 50 here. no matter how young and childish you are you should know not to send pics of any private area to someone. if she didn’t know that, which I highly doubt, then her parents should be at blame! what kind of parent doesn’t let their kid know no to show their tits? a shitty one that’s what kind. the kids that bullied her are complete dbags and would have had the crap beat out of them if they were in my school but they acted as most teens do. you are right about society being messed up and teaching slut-shaming to a certain extent. young people should be taught that it isn’t right to be a slut first of all, and that a slut should not be rewarded for being a slut. it should be taught to let the slut no that it was stupid and dangerous to be a slut. and that’s it. it should be dropped there. i also think she was in a bad location. where im from its no big deal to be a slut. and ppl definently dnt bully the sluts simply because they pitty them. if there is bullying done it is usually bully to bully. it gets settled in a fight. i am neutral on the boob pic and i think owl is a cool nickname.
She didn’t send pics. She didn’t take pics. Pictures were taken of her without her permission and emailed without her permission.
Didn’t you read any of this?
This is absolutely fabulous! I love it!!!
noone wants to see your fat nasty tits
I assure you at least one person does, or the baby in the photo wouldn’t exist. Beyond that, I don’t care. It is not the female prerogative to look good for men. You’re just pissed because you googled a dead child’s breasts and hit mine instead. You deserve it, and I hope it kills your erection for the next three days.
Well said, Carol!! I totally stand united with you. Keep telling it like it is!! ❤
I am going to put forward a few matters.
I am not sure whether those making derogatory comments about your boobs (presuming the right one is essentially symmetrical with the left as shown) are not actually imply tongue-in-cheek. Most people would – or should – find them eminently attractive.
Should they be seen in public (and by a very remote association, should it be permissible for a 12 year old’s to be seen in public)? Well I actually agree with the European observers on this – why on earth not?
Are they then sexual? Well, I certainly hope so. I would hope they are a very important component of your intimate relations. I find any suggestion otherwise that you and the 007B website might make, singularly perverse. But I will mention perversion further (and this is after all, a focus of this discussion).
The point is, if breasts are sexual, does this then mean they should not be revealed in public (or on the Internet, or whatever). That is the point. It’s all a matter of a very arbitrary custom (and no, I won’t go into the anthropology). Here’s the counter-question: Are your lips sexual? Is kissing (mouth-to-mouth, w’ or w/o tongue) a sexual act? Because we witness (or perform, or used to) this in daily life and its frequent depiction in graphics and video. What’s the difference?
I am also disturbed by the insistence that breastfeeding isn’t inherently sexual. (Do people not know that the hormonal responses are common between orgasm and let-down, and necessarily overlap with labour?) This exhibits the same logic fault as revealing the breasts: breastfeeding and sexual activity share a common modality, so breastfeeding should therefore be performed in complete privacy or preferably avoided altogether. I don’t think so – I think we should simply accept that it is actually pleasurable – as we (supposedly) accept pashing in public. And I think we should accept that breasts look – cute; attractive; pleasant and desirable to look at (and yours no exception).
It is of course, argued that the social proscription of showing (complete) bare breasts (with nipples) arises primarily from those older women who wield social “clout” on “morals”, who are anything but proud of what they look like themselves, and therefore determine to prohibit “competition”. I am sure this is essentially the basis of such “morality” as pervades American (in particular) society. What is sad about this, is that such an attitude is self-fulfilling or self-magnifying; when we are not exposed to the natural variation in appearance, we begin to assimilate the concept that there is only one “desirable” form.
And finally, my thesis that it is this very prudery that cultivates sexual perversion. If someone (notably males) grows up in such an environment where breasts (and other things) are a “naughty” mystery, the need to discover them and the value in such discovery – then by hook or by crook – is a direct consequence. I cannot believe that such perversion and abuse (because this is all about abuse; sexual and otherwise) can be cultivated in a family where casual nudity is the norm. If someone is used to seeing boobs throughout their childhood and adolescence, then their sexual purpose is by no means negated, but neither does it become all-consuming.
It might be argued that nudity is nowadays so readily available on the Internet (and no argument on that part) that such curiosity should readily be assuaged. Clearly, that is not the point. What is on the Internet remains remote from “life”. The risk is in not realising this.
And – How did I come here? Actually, indirectly, from a question on Y!Answers. The (most recent) link I followed was a (the) picture of your boob.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your reply, and heartily agree with your thesis!
I’m a little disappointed that the 247 times I searched “Carol’s sexy tits” didn’t show up on your chart. And by disappointed I mean GLAD because that would be awkward for us right now, wouldn’t it?
Sorry.
I make jokes when I don’t know what else to say.
I haven’t been to your blog in a while because I was busy making my first human! A little girl blessed my life in September. I can’t believe what I just read. I was never bullied. I have a magnificent group of people I grew up with, 99% of whom I am still great friends with. I can’t believe children treat each other this way. Certainly it is something they are learning at home, or not learning at home.
I cut out articles and quotes and put them in a scrapbook for my daughter. Inspirational, educational, thought provoking is my goal. I will be printing this for that book (as soon as I get printer ink…hey, I have a newborn, don’t judge!)
Lol! I love your scrapbook idea. Congratulations on your little girl!
OMG! What is wrong with people? Are their lives so horrible that they have nothing better to do than troll the internet? Anonymity is clearly abused by some.
Holy cow…
This was meant for the comment below. See, obviously I would make a horrible troll since I can’t even work a comment thread.
I suspect the person below is just sad because his penis is small.
Lol, you deserve to die just for showing us those horrible tits. Even your baby is trying to escape them! 😀 LOL
I wish he would. He’s two and still demanding Mommy Milk in the mornings. Also, there’s only one tit in that picture. Do you deserve to die for being unable to tell one from two? MAYBE.
uh that dudes a bitch. he probly googled like bbw and got this so he cnt beat his meat in his grandmas basement.
Well done YOU! This is an amazing insight as to what I’ve been trying to tell my daughter about her friends turning against her…. She thinks I just nag, but maybe showing her this will make her understand that it’s NOT just me that has these views! Thanks, ur an inspiration hunni 🙂
It disgusts me how a teenage girl commits suicide from all this bullying and suffering & everyone makes jokes out of it, funny pictures, and still bully her. Everyone makes mistakes, but NOBODY deserves to get bullied, beat, laughed at, just for making two simple mistakes. So what she showed her boobs, she was lured into it!! She was just a little girl! Seriously, this generation DISGUSTS me & I’m 110% ashamed to be a part of it. Nobody should ever have to think about taking their OWN life, because other people are cold & heartless. & to think, maybe having just ONE person comforting her and being her friend could have saved her LIFE. God people, where is the love?! R.i.p. Amanda Todd & every other person we lost because of peoples cold hearts ! My prayers go out to all their families !! This story is just to heartbreaking… Torturing, bullying, blackmailing, and beating a teenage girl until she takes her own life..and even after she does making her death a JOKE? This generation is just so sickening..
You’re talking out of your ass. Amanda saw it coming, everything has consequences.
Adalia, Amanda, Kony, a never ending cycle of BULLSHIT.
Everything has consequences, agreed, except being a hateful, misogynistic prick on the Internet. Sometimes.
http://news.nationalpost.com/2012/10/17/cruel-facebook-comment-about-amanda-todds-suicide-costs-man-his-job/
You can’t say that a 12 year old child knew the “consequences” of being stalked by a pedophile, and even if she did,the question is this: WHY were the consequences what they were? WHY are the consequences of being a child target of a pedophile social rejection and being bullied into suicide? WHY is she being blamed for the actions of a grown man? WHY? And if you think that children targeted by pedophiles SHOULD be bullied to death, if you think that when a man takes illicit photos of a child and posts them o the Internet that the CHILD deserves to die because she “knew the consequences” then you are as good as a murderer.
If YOU aren’t “talking out of your ass” then you must know something I don’t. Which means that you might be the man who stalked and ultimately was responsibly for her suicide. And now I have your IP address. It’s a start.
People assume that her stalker lived in Canada or the U.S., but there’s no way to know. Could have been from Belgium. Like you.
Maybe some day you’ll learn the consequences of assuming you have anonymity on line when you say brutal things.
Belgium, of course, would know nothing about paedophiles … oh wait.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marc_Dutroux
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roman_Catholicism_in_Belgium#Pedophile_priests_scandal
and so on.
Belgium is a fab country (great beer!) that I very much enjoyed visiting and hope to come back to at some point, but they have earned a reputation for child abuse around Europe. 😦
Yes, Belgium has been on the news alot in connection with paedophiles lately, and that’s something we’re not proud off ourselves. But don’t let that hold you back of visiting our country! And if bleachisgud4u do is from Belgium as you implied, then I’d like to apologize in his place. And even though this happened almost on the other side of the world, I still think this shouldn’t have happened. It’s a shame she didn’t got the support she needed, and I think it’s even a bigger shame that someone allways has to die before the world opens his eyes.. I learned Amanda’s sad story on youtube today and I was shocked by the cruel comments people still have. They should just let her rest in peace, she has suffered enough allready.
thats was really sad way 2 die rip amanda love you
Wow I can’t believe tht happened to you! I am only 12 years old and I heard about Amanda Todd. I have been bullied from 4th-6th grade. In 4th grade people teased me because I had hairy legs (which I still do and I don’t have a problem with it, so fuck off if you do), I was going through puberty so I had very few pimples on my face and when I walked into class people made fun of me and called it a disease. In 5th grade, some 2nd graders called me a lesbian (seriously? Why the hell do they know that word in 2nd grade?) because I was touching a girls hand? I was playing a game with her and they called me a lesbian. In 6th grade, I got bullied by my teacher. She basically lied about things then yelled at us and made us cry at least once or twice in class. I had anxiety issues from going back there. My mom and I were fighting SO BAD, that it was like the Hunger Games bloodbath. I hurt her she hurt me. It was just painful for both of us. We even still have some scars. My worst scar has to be on my hand when she finally got me in the car to go to school, she tried getting me out of the car and sunk her nails into my hand and blood came out on her nails (just a bit) and blood was coming out of my hand like crazy. I always felt I had to stay home to take care of my family because my mom was always depressed (when she wasnt around friends) because my dad left her on December 1st (which is tomorrow 0.0). Ever since I was 8, my dad was in contact with his first wife. I read email from her and we finally left our California home to live in a small Florida apartment. I didn’t understand it at first since I was so little. But he finally left when I was 10. Just on Tuesday, they finally got the divorce papers signed. Finally. Don’t know why it took so long but it did. My mom was also depressed because She never sees my brother. It’s very rare that she sees him. I know those things that bullied me were nothing. But they meant something to me since I never got bullied except then.
Suicide: A permanent solution for a temporary problem.
You are like a snowball when you are born. You are so delicate and fragile and pure. Nothing has harmed you. Once you get older, and start getting bullied, you turn into a melted disaster with dirt all over you since you have been dropped so many times. You can become pure again and turned into a ball again, if you forget about the haters, and look forward to the good things in life. The dirt that you have will still be their because those are permanent scars.
That quote was by me. Stay strong to those being bullied!
You are wise for your years, Sunshine. Stay strong and keep fighting. People like you who can learn to care about and identify with the pain of others are the people who can change the world for the better. Look for those who need help and reach out a hand. We’re all in this together.
What the fucj are you talking about. She exposed her tits online. This was a snowball that started with her. Sure other things could’ve stopped it but she was the root of the problem. And no one should feel their life is so bad that they should just kill themselves.
I am constantly amazed by how people can read my detailed list of all the reasons why we should not consider exposing one’s tits to be a big deal and just say “I DON’T UNDERSTAND. SHE SHOWED HER BOOBS!!”
Yes, she showed her tits to a pedophile using a webcam. This is true.
SO WHAT?
That’s what the “fucj” I am talking about. Why is this a big deal? Why do we think a child being coerced into exposing herself by a pedophile is starting a “snowball”?
Why isn’t it the pedophile who started the snowball, since
a) HE was the one who spent a year badgering her to expose her breasts
b) HE was the one who photographed the webcam session without her permission or knowledge
c) HE was the one who emailed those photos to everyone she knew
d) HE was the one who posted them on Facebook.
But oh, yeah, it was totally the CHILD’S fault. SHE was clearly the root if this problem. Not the adult man. No, no. We should blame the child, because it is ALWAYS THE FEMALE’S FAULT.
Are people nuts, or just total morons? People like you are the kinds of people who think that rape victims were ‘asking for it.’ In fact, you’re probably a rapist yourself. You have to be to think this kind of logic is normal or acceptable.
“In fact, you’re probably a rapist yourself. You have to be to think this kind of logic is normal or acceptable.”
That is an appalling statement to make. You are being completely hysterical now.
Shame on you.
Shame on you for using a term like “hysterical” on an angry woman. I am not hysterical. I am pissed off. Defending the kind of logic I was referring to be complaining about my language rather than by rational debate doesn’t do much for your case.
Amanda Todd had numerous options besides committing suicide. Talking to a teacher, a parent, a police officer. Any adult. All she had to do was explain what she did and then tell them what the man is doing now. There is no excuse for her. She would’ve already had to attend a school meeting or assembly about cyber bullying or about sexting or posting pictures online and about talking to people you don’t know. She knew the risks of what she was doing and ignored them and when it became too much for her she didn’t try to get help, she opted out and committed suicide. I’m not saying the kids at her schools were right for being mean to her or dropping her as a friend but come on, they are 7th grade kids. What do you honestly expect them to do? They aren’t adults, they are children who don’t know better than to pick on each other. If it wasn’t gonna be her at that time or that day it was someone else they were picking on. So before you people point the finger at the kids maybe you should be pointing fingers at the adults. Where was the principal when all the kids were seeing her naked? There is always a nark at school so how come the principal didn’t interceed? Her parents at home should’ve known there was something wrong. You gave a 7th grader a computer and didn’t monitor her usuage, didn’t notice that her attitude was different, didn’t notice your daughter was suicidal? I know kids keep things from their parents but you can’t keep the fact that you are depressed, having issues at school or online and thinking of suicide from your parents.
What I’m basically saying is, the person to blame in a situation like this is the people around Amanda Todd and her. She posted the pictures, she got online, and she didn’t try to get help from someone who could have possibly helped her. The teachers at school, the councilers, and her parents never did anything at all. They are all to blame for her suicide. But do not make this little girl the poster child of teen bullying because she brought it upon herself. She wasn’t gay, disfigured, handicapped or any other reason that children usually bully each other. She chose to behave the way she did and she received the attention she knew she would get.
Amanda Todd asked for, and recieved, a great deal of help. The police were hunting her persecutor long before her death. She was seeing a guidance counsellor, a psychiatrist, and many other people. A lot of people were trying to help.
In case you didn’t notice, my post had nothing to do about her suicide and whether or not I considered it a viable “choice.”
It was about how ridiculous it in this day and age, a single pair of boobs can result in such a shockingly negative reaction from the general public, and result in the kind of social rejection and public shaming that come from it.
It was about how apalling it is that people continue to blame a CHILD – for showing her breasts, for killing herself. How they insist again and again, the way you do, that she SHOULD have done something different, that she CHOSE this path.
A child is a CHILD. They make mistakes. They don’t always make the right choices.
But we should not run a society that then blames them and shames them for it, shames them to death.
You want to talk about depression? Okay, let’s talk.
Depression is a DISEASE. It is a medically recognized, completely legitimate ILLNESS. You cannot blame a depressed person for committing suicide any more than you can blame a person with cancer for dying of cancer. Suicide is death from depression. That’s what it is. Ask any doctor. This is SCIENCE.
No healthy person commits suicide. We have a natural instinct for self-preservation. Anyone capable of committing suicide is suffering from an illness of their most precious organ: their brain. For more on this, including statistics, click on the “Syndicated On BlogHer” link in my upper right hand sidebar.
So don’t try and change the subject from: “should a child’s mistake result in widespread social rejection?” into “should someone with depression be blamed for losing their own fight?” Because you will still lose the argument.
Wow. I guess Georgianna missed her call at writing parenting books. The one problem might be that she, herself, admits they were “7th grade kids” which implies maybe kids don’t make the best decisions. I doubt Amanda’s parents watched her kill herself. Sad, sad world we live in when people can make such assumptions.
I wholeheartedly agree.
i agree in the fact that suicide is a cowards way out and that she knew that it was wrong to send tit pics to a guy.
Why is it wrong? WHY? WHY IS IT WRONG PEOPLE? I write a long article pointing out that there is nothing inherently wrong about showing breasts and people respond with “yeah but it’s wrong”. DO YOU HAVE BRAINS?
this made me cry with no end in site. The fact that she was followed by a pedophile only reminds me of my history of bulling, but luckily for me i found a school that helped, she didn’t. May Amanda todd rest in peace forever.
I’m so glad you got through that difficult time. *hug*
belive me i am too, if i didnt have my intellegence and those who cared about me i would have probably gone the same way that amanda did. I swear if i knew who did that id bash his balls so hard he wouldnt be able to even think of a child that way without falling on the ground in pain
Lol!!!
Nice boob. It’s a shame when a child gets bullied to the point when they don’t want to be here. F!@k bullies
AMEN
That brings up a good question since I haven’t followed her story. Do they know who the pedophile is who started all this?
No luck tracking him down so far 😦
Um ok… wow first of i honestly blame amanda for her own death she shouldnt have flashed in the first place and none of this would have started!
Ok. Now can you explain to me why you think flashing is worthy of death? I notice that people like you who continue to blame a child for the actions of a pedophile never seem to explain why this child’s mistake was so inexcusable. What is so wrong about showing someone your breasts that children should die for doing it?
And don’t answer with the word “slut”. Okay? Sexual promiscuity is also not worthy of death, and blaming a child for being targeted by a pedophile just makes you look like a horrible person.
you sure are a feminist retard, no she didnt deserve what she got. but people like you disgust me. your the reason women get so much damn sympathy over everything, hate to break it to ya hun but the only reason her suicide was any diffrent than every single other one is because she was female. no she did not deserve to die. but hate to break it to ya she did it herself. no one killed her. she killed herself. if she really wanted to torment to end, delete the facebook? makes to much sense right….. who knows the other town woulda never known if she yaknow just stayd off the damn internet like someone who was goin through cyber bullying should do. im not saying what she went through wasnt hard. im just saying she was stupid in her own right and does not deserve this praise you feminist retards give her
Are you an idiot?
It’s one thing to make a valid point. It’s another thing to spew the bizarre and nonsensical points that you just made. Allow me to address them:
A: The only reason Amanda Todd’s suicide is “diffrent than every single other one is because she was female”.
You mean she is the first female to ever commit suicide?
Oh, wait, you mean that it’s the only reason she is getting fame/sympathy. Right, because a male bullied teen who made a video would never have gotten famous.
OH WAIT. Have you forgotten about Jamey Rodemeyer? You know, the BOY who was bullied and committed suicide? The one who founded the It Gets Better movement? If you have managed to avoid ever having heard of him, you can read about him here: http://jezebel.com/5842325/bullied-teen-who-made-it-gets-better-video-commits-suicide
Note the the link is to Jezebel, a noted FEMINIST website.
B: “If she really wanted to torment to end, delete the facebook? makes to much sense right…”
Wow. You are a GENIUS! You’re right! If only she had deleted all of those photos off of the internet, including facebook, this never would have been a problem! Of course! All she would have had to do was track down the pedophile, Purge his computer, then hack into all of his online profiles and emails and delete his accounts! Such a simple matter! Why on earth DIDN’T she do that?
In fact, why hasn’t that been done since? Gee, since the police are STILL trying to do just that, maybe you should give them a call with some tips, let them know how to do this perfectly simple thing. I’m sure they’d love to learn how.
You moron.
If you actually read, you know, the FACTS (which I described clearly in this post), you’d know that it was the PEDOPHILE who put her naked photos online, the PEDOPHILE who emailed them to the kids at her school, and the PEDOPHILE who put them all over facebook, thus spreading her infamy to her new school.
But yeah, maybe I am maligning this guy. To suggest that the person who took the pictures, uploaded the pictures, and spread the pictures might actually be the one responsible for the damage done by the pictures, that’s crazy “feminist retard” talk.
Clearly, even though the WOMAN didn’t take the photos of herself, didn’t post them online herself, and spent the last months of her life desperately trying to find the guy who took them so she could get them removed, it must be HER fault.
Listen, I can tell by the way you write that you are virtually illiterate, so let me make this very simple:
Girl no post pictures on internet.
Girl no post pictures on facebook.
MAN post pictures on internet.
Girl not stupid.
YOU stupid.
Amanda did not deserve what she went through
You know what i don’t get about this that it was her fault she should not have done and she should have killed her self i get bullied a lot and was going thought so much worse but i just got through it and she should of as well, don’t get me wrong it is sad when another human being dies it is sad but sprot that crap about cyber bullieing and it was the pedophillies fault for useing the picture but it was amandas fault for doung it R.I.P so at the end of the day its the crimals fault and amandas its not the internets fault its not the web its how you use it
If you weren’t a complete idiot you might have noticed that I wrote an entire post in why social media is good. Nowhere do I blame the Internet. But to say “oh, I got through it so she should have too” is moronic and small minded. Depression is a disease. A deadly disease. You can’t say that someone SHOULDN’T have died of depression. It’s like saying someone SHOULDN’t have died of cancer. She did and it’s sad.
And it was the pedophile who took the photos in the first place so what exactly was it that she shouldn’t have done?
Either you have never let another human being see you naked (in which case you need to get out more) or you are a whopping hypocrite. Imagine someone took a picture of you doing something that you are ashamed of and spread it everywhere.
Fat ass
Well put, very clever. You sound very intellectual and I can tell you have thought deeply about this debate.
I dont know you but I truly respect you! Everything you’ve typed here is dead on how I feel about the Amanda Todd situation. Love the pic btw! Rip Amanda Todd.
Thank you!
Sorry but you’re saying that she didn’t deserve to be cursed for being a slut? Being a slut is wrong, and therefor she got what she deserved. If she didn’t want to be bullied she shouldn’t have made such a stupid mistake. And it’s not like it happened the once, we all make mistakes, but she kept repeating her mistakes and then tried to seek attention by telling the public lies. She should never have had the publicity that she got. She was an attention seeker. Nobody made her flash on webcam, nobody made her masturbate for strange males online, and nobody made her sleep with a 13 year old that had a girlfriend. If she had any sense she wouldn’t have done any of that, and therefor she wouldn’t have suffered the consequences.
I am continuously amazed by the fact that people like you have absolutely no interest in facts or in placing blame where it properly belongs. You, just like all the other trolls, have totally ignored the points that I made.
It doesn’t matter to you that she was harassed by a pedophile? You would rather blame the victim?
It doesn’t matter that a 16 (not 13!) year old boy lied to get her into bed?
It doesn’t matter that Jesus loved Mary Magdalene despite her mistakes?
What is so “wrong” about beig a slut? Why is it worse for her to have been tricked by these man than for these men to have tricked her? Why are you mad at her and not them?
You are a terrible person and When bad things happen to you remember that you condemned a child.
It doesn’t matter that
people are blaming the pedo! but no only the pedo. the pedo made the mistake of being a pedo. Amanda made the mistake of being a slut. like that person said she repeated the mistakes. the only reason Amanda is so known is cuz she went and posted a damn video about her life!!!! all she accomplished was letting the world know she flashed her tits!!!!!! and i do feel bad for Amanda but its no only the pedos fault. she chose to flash. she chose to. no one made her. she was weak and gave into pressure. end of story
Are you an idiot?
You are truly a very rare good and decent individual – i cannot believe the narrow minded morons that are posting such hateful comments here containing such ridiculous notions – Amanda Todd absolutely did not deserve any of this, her only crime was making NORMAL teenage mistakes that 95% of teenagers will make and not having a good enough support network of friends etc to help her through it all.
It is warming to read something like your post, a glimmer of decency in amongst a sea of nonsensical bile spewed by self-opinionated idiots who have seen fit to make comment without consulting the actual facts!
I am a 26 year old male, married and a father – and reading the posts from some of the barbaric morons on here makes me genuinely ashamed to be male. I fear for my daughters future as more and more people seem to be jumping on this bandwagon, and I can only hope that she is never subject to this kind of bullying, especially for such menial things. And the amount of people that don’t seem to be taking in the fact that this was all engineered by a pedophile, HE should be held responsible. His actions were the start of this awful chain of events, not Amanda’s… You seem to be the only one who can see that.
By the way – the way you have responded to the majority of the idiots i spoke of earlier has made me laugh harder than I have in a long time – well done! the world needs more people like you.
RIP Amanda Todd – totally undeserved, you poor soul. The best we can hope is that this serves as a warning to others, and maybe her tragic death will save other lives.
This comment made my day and restored some of my faith in humanity. Thank you!
No, thank you! your post had much the same effect on me.
My name is Cian, im from Ireland and im 15 and im gona start by sayin i get mocked or slagged or teased over my name by foreign people for my name bein a girls name when im a boy, this doesnt bother me really though,
and goin back to when i said i never had a girlfriend well i couldnt be bothered because of my life….
But its hard for me to talk about this because im a boy and if i talk about it im a “rat, snitch, b*tch, f*ggot, p*ssy” but people bully me over the way i look because i have big ears , but im still the same as you, because i still didnt have a girlfriend which is embarasin for my age but it doesnt change who i am ? Im still me ? But saying that i do like somone but she lives far from me and if people find out that will be another reason to make fun of me,
Class mates and so called “friends” constantly put me down but they do it to hurt me but i dont show it hurrts me, but i know its stupid but i tought of sucide a number of times and i tried twice and no one knows, my Dad is an alcoholic, he abused me as a kid, he hits my Mam and has been cheatin on her without her knowing but i knew but he didnt know that i knew, and 2 or 3 weeks ago they split up and i tought i would of been happy with it but its killin me inside
Well our family is struggling because of the Recession. I also get physically bullied sometimes.
And i have NO ONE at all, Not one person i can talk to in real life, I have a app on my phone called BBM and you can talk to anyone that has that app and i met 3 main people on their that help me through my problems and i help them with theres, i only meeted up with 1 of them once and i would say shes the least closest out of the 3 but without them i wouldnt be writing this because i would of comitted sucide by now, ive cut myself a few times, whats funny tho is that everyone thinks im a real happy person and nothing bothers me, But no matter who you are you still have feelings and emotions, and i always get called “slow, stupid, retard, etc…” And you probly noticed by the way i wrote this but i tried to talk in proper english and not use slang,
I know this has nothing got to do with Amanda but i just felt i need to share that, even tho its not all of my story its some of it, and i want people to know that no matter what it will be on 🙂 i promise 🙂
“Even though your fed up, You gotta keep ya head up” – 2pac
“You gotta be able to smile through all this bullsh*t” – 2pac
“Through every dark night, theres a bright day after” – 2pac
“Dying inside, But outside im looking fearless” – 2pac
And as you can see i like 2pac (Tupac Amaru Shakur) and his music helps me through alot ❤
This has EVERYTHING to do with Amanda Todd. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You have been through a very rough time, and there will be pain from it and more pain to come and all I can tell you is that you keep trying to make connections and turn your experiences into good instead of bad, yiu will be ok.
It’s so hard to believe at fifteen (I remember!) but it DOES get better. Be strong. Believe in love. Believe in yourself. You have value. You are unique. You have something special to bring to this world. Your experiences have been painful, but use them for good – think of Batman! Look for others who might be hurting and reach out to them in the way that you wish someone would reach out to you. You can find solace in each other. Look around your school. I guarantee you the school is I’ll of people who are hurting but they are in disguise, just like you. People who bully. People who sleep around. People who act like they don’t care. They are all feeling unloved.
If you can find those people and bad together, you can make te world a better place for both you AND them. Stay strong, Cian.
Hey thank you so much! 🙂
This really means alot 🙂 And i do try to help people if i can already 🙂 but thanks this really heled me and i’ll let you know how i get on! 😀 once again thanks! :)😄
i do feel for ya man but i mean common walk up to one of the bullies and just land a nice solid punch right on his nose. then run like hell!!! sure you may get in trouble but the bullies will realize not to mess with you. they keep messin with you after that then find some bum off the street and pay him to beat their asses. some bully cases can be soved by force. society needs to learn that sometimes the best way to fight fire is with fire, and not to run away from your problems but to turn around and give your problem the finger and charge that damn problem full speed with your battle cry. rise against the bullies and they will then be in the victim position. do with them what you want then. just remember what they did to you.
Yeah, uh, that strategy works against male bullies much more than female bullies. Slut shaming is not silenced by physical violence. In fact, it is pretty much impossible to silence slut shaming, as evidenced by this article. Look how many people read this article about slut shaming and then posted “yeah, but she was a slut so she deserved it”. I would love it if you could find those people and punch them in the nose, but I don’t think it’ll change their opinions.
And since you seem to be one of those people, that means you should probably start by punching yourself in the nose.
Defending an attention whore by being an attention whore? YOU WIN THE INTERNETZ!!!
Oh yeah, Amanda Todd was a attention whore, going and killing herself like that. I bet she’s really enjoying all the attention she is getting beyond the grave. Much better than being alive. And I am totally trying to follow in her footsteps, by showing a picture of myself breastfeeding a child and addressing the issue of why people blame women when they are victimized by men. That’s exactly right.
And you! Cutting to the heart of the issue like that with your mindless trolling! Well! You must be feeling really sensitive and intelligent right now. And I am sure you would never try and get people’s attention in a shameful manner by making, oh, say, loud and idiotic statements on the Internet.
You win.
PS. And the best part is you got here by googling pictures of the dead child’s breasts, taken by a pedophile who drove her to suicide! You must feel so good right now!
Are you this cunty to your cuck of a husband too?
Are you capable of making intelligent, well reasoned and researched replies that address the points I made in this post? Or simply spewing random misogynistic insults?
Why are you so cunty?
Because I have a cunt, obviously, you moron.
I’ll take that as a no on the intelligent debate question, then. Otherwise I’d be fascinated to know why you think that references to female genitalia are inherently insulting. But I realize that this is far above your intellectual capacity.
Thanks for playing.
P.S. Also, you do realize that I know when you refresh your IP so you can vote for your own comments multiple times? Who are you trying to impress?
i feel bad for Amanda as i have said before but the more i read the more i feel you chose to write about this because she was a female that commited suicide. not a male. you are coming off sexist. i do not intend to offend you just letting you no my opinion on the matter so pls do not call me and idiot or moran and i will refrain from being an asshole like many on here.
The reasons for her social exclusion and suicide were feminist issues. This post is to discuss those feminist issues. So I guess, yes, I am talking about her because she is female, but not because I don't think male suicide is a problem. It's because this post isn't ABOUT suicide. It's about double standards and slut-shaming.If a guy had flashed himself at someone online and word got out at his school, he would not have been ostracized in the same way. Boys commit suicide for different reasons which were not the topic of this post.
You pointing out that this post is "sexist" because I am focusing on Amanda Todd being female is like commenting on an article about woman mechanics and calling it sexist because it focuses on the fact that this mechanic is a woman. WHAT ABOUT ALL THE MAN MECHANICS?
I’m Brazilian, and I’m seeing your site for the first time, and I very emotional seeing this post, I do not understand is why there are people who say that she has stated that auguentar who have to suffer bullyng, I do not agree, Bullyng Psychological torture is and I think these people Imbeciles more fully agree with your Post # RIP Amanda Todd
Continuing … I am 12 years old and this story touched me too, It also serves as an example for Parents take care of their children on the internet for pre teens in the First Person ta taking the concepts of hazards and never will have a maturity of possoas with 25 already to understand the consequences on the internet neither I nor anyone my age will understand more that history is moving I cried watching this video …
I completely agree. So glad there are compassionate kids out there. Please be sure to look for Amanda Todds in your school and reach out to them. They are everywhere.
You are wonderful, if you haven’t read Amanda Palmer’s blog go read it, she has also spoken out against cyber-bullying and the way Amanda Todd was treated. She has not attracted all the negative comments which you have, maybe because she is a rock star married to a famous author, but she cares just as much and inspires many others to support each other and speak out against the ignorant trolls. You sound very intelligent and warm, thank you for standing up in defence of Amanda Todd xx
GOOD LORD, NO!
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Oh, god. First off, its no one’s fault, but one’s own. Its the choices that we make, the actions and reactions to our situation. She simply showed she was weak for think killing herself. It was the coward’s way out of the situation and shes moron for not considering her absence in the future. “Now in the depts of despear, we only got ourselves to blame or thank.” This sounds cold i know, but its true and she took it too far. Its words like YOURS that influence people that shouldnt have even known about it.
So the pedophile was totally innocent in this situation? Interesting opinion. Perhaps that is because you are a pedophile yourself.
“This sounds cold I know”, yes it does!!! perhaps if people who think like you had been willing to reach out then people in Amanda’s situation would feel able to cope, knowing there is a way out and things can get better. If she is responsible for her actions then so are you, you could be more understanding and help anxious people to cope with the problems they have. The man who abused Amanda was also responsible for his actions, and if he had never met her, abused her, then her life might have been very different.
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Amanda did not deserve anything she got. If she had not met the asshole who took the picture of her flashing, she would not have been bullied in scool for flashing. I agree with niki.
Suicide is never the answer, but she was pushed by that asshole. Im trying to be neutral here :p
Amen!
I swear I dont like hslf of the people here. Take it as it is. Amanda Todd was a littleass kkid who got involved in some deep stuff that God knows why she did. We ddont know sht about her childhood or living stuation, no matter what “Evidence” was gathered, and people react to shit differently, so shit, lil girl does a lot of things that lil girls arentsupposed to do. People act like media had nothing to do with her and that she was just a terrible person. She was a LITTLE ASS KID! Kids don’t think like adults! There are a lt of things that kids dnt dothat adults do. Even if everything in her lfe was perfect (there as bviously something wrong) and she still did the same thing, frends and family should’ve coe to the rescue, not just ditched her or ignored her. Ths sshit is irritating. Why do people always think they know EVERYTHING about a person, just because they’ree living, breathng, and a person you will never understand what it’s lke to be someone else, so yyou kno hat, icant even fnish this shit people are too fucking ignorant! This s hy. Don’t fuck th people like that. Famil and my friends that aree true. Fuck ignorance, dog!
im not saying anything negative about you or your post. i think it is actually really inspirational, i just think it shouldve also mentioned the fact that she has pictures of her in her bra and panties and of her…unmentionables. it was not just flashing someone once on webcam and sleeping with one guy that had a girlfriend. there were a lot more reasons why she was being called a slut. she was way too young for any of that, and most of you people know that you would beat the daylight out of your child if they posted what she was posting at the age of like 13. in my opinion, i dont think she deserved to die, but i do believe that she brought the bullying upon herself.
Again. Slowly. For the morons out there; she was PRESSURED INTO IT BY A PEDOPHILE. and no, I would not “beat the daylight” out of my child for doing ANYTHING, much less blame her for being preyed on by a sick and evil adult man.
You are sick for wanting to hurt a child for making a mistake. We should be teaching children that showing off your ANYTHING does not make them worthy of shame and suicide. It is never ok to bully.
Sigh, totally agree with you IfByYes, I have 2 daughters and I am so glad they never fell prey to one of these evil people, however if they had, and had behaved in this way I sincerely hope that they would feel able to turn to me and tell me what had happened. I would have held them close and told them that NONE OF IT WAS THEIR FAULT. That they had been victims of evil adult predators and that I would care for them. Yes she behaved in a silly way, but she was a child and that’s what children do sometimes, behave in silly ways, that is why humans look after their young for so long, not just a few weeks like many other animals.
I look forward to the day when the human population feel they are all responsible for looking after our children and protecting them from these vile predators, not blaming them for trying to please clever evil men who use these children for their own pleasure.
NO-ONE deserve to be bullied and hounded as Amanda clearly was, funny how other people become celebrities on the strength of being photographed in their bras, panties and less, but if you’re underage and coerced into it you’re a slut. NO NO NO nobody brings bullying on themselves WHATEVER the reason. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR BEING A BULLY, NONE, END OF.
Yes. This, a thousand times, increasingly loudly.
I love the way you put logic to good use on your post. ( I’m also an anti-Twilighter and aspiring author, but that’s beside the point.) Apart from the stupid commenters who have clearly not read your blog, I challenge anyone to find a single logic-flaw in your blog. It was fantastic and someone had to do it.
On that note, I found another journal written on this topic on a site. The author of that journal covers almost the same grounds as you, and discusses some other incidents involving slut-shaming / cyber-bullying that still happens among pre-teens. Here’s the link : http://aurasio.deviantart.com/journal/Bullying-No-Sexual-Harassment-332985991
Hello ! I’ve seen a photo in wich Amanda Todd was compared to Paris Hilton . Anyway , this post i’ve seen on Facebook and in the comment section someone said : ”She suicide … ” .I was surprised and changed my mind even i agreed to that picture … i mean , i thought she is something like a 15 yrs old girl who fucks everyone and makes money from live cams … but it wasn’t truth . I have googled her name ( Her name … just her name , not Amanda Todd Boobs or anthing like that , even tough … i found a pic where was the photo wich was used to blackmail her, sad 😦 ) and found that she commit suicide because she was alone ,depressed and she was bullied all the time . I can’t figure out why she did that , she had her parents , she had a family … she wanted friends, but she could make some friends ( good ones ) if she would have told her story , if she would have searched the right person . If i would have heared this story from a girl , i wouldn’t bully her , i mean … it is her decision to do that thing , can’t stop her , maybe make her understand that what she is doing is not good for her . I am 15 and i am i boy. I think this thing should stop ( bullying people for no reason , i mean if she was a nimpho or something like that , how was that affecting them ? ) . This whole story is a mess. Can’t believe she resisted so long without telling anybody about her feelings o.O 😦 . I apreciate this post and i think you did a great job . I also laughed at that link below your article :)) even tough it was scarry how many people searched ”AMANDA TODD’S BREASTS/BOOBS/NUDES/NAKED PICTURES / PHOTOS ,etc.)
PS : Sorry for my bad English 😀 !
sluts should die????? mother of god…
If you show ur tits owned up to it thats all dont fucking kill yourself…
She didn’t kill herself over showing her tits. She killed herself after years of persecution from a pervert who kept sending pictures of her breasts to all the kids in her class who then shamed her until she felt worthless and dixn’t want to live anymore. It’s different.
ello fatty well done on being a slut
Ello trolly, congrats on having nothing to do but troll badly.
I completely disagree. Amanda Todd killed herself because she chose to kill herself. Nobody poured the bleach down her throat. The “douche bags” weren’t there when she decided to do multiple idiotic things on the Internet (you can argue she was naive, but when you do it multiple times, that goes out the window).
The thing that makes me sad is that people are basically glamorizing her for killing herself. She killed herself, so have millions of people in the world, why is she so special.
Also, you address that the younger generation should be more accepting of being a slut because we’re progressive and have feminists. That may be the case, but many of us still believe the age old tradition of “self respect”. In the case of feminism, I believe feminism may promote sexual freedom, but not being promiscuous at a young age. I guess it’s just my opinion, but being a slut is a bad thing.
Last but not least, the “anti-bullying” community are the biggest hypocrites in the world. If anybody who is “against” bullying takes the time to actually read this comment, I guarantee you they will call me “stupid”, “dumb”, and many things. That’s bullying. I may be wrong.
Also, I’m a man. People make as much generalizations, stereotype and expectations for us as well… Being a woman is hard, but so is being a man.
Sure, being a man is hard. If you actually read things you might have noticed that I have a whole separate post dedicated to the topic.
But you have entirely missed the point. Yes, I do think it is wrong that her predicament was only made public after she killed herself, because it tells teens that no one cares as long as they are alive. Which is why I have ALSO tried to get interest in a similar case going on right now where the teen IS still alive, but sadly, no one cared about THAT post. All they want is the “tits” post.
But the point is not about whose FAULT it is that she committed suicide. The point is that it is wrong to socially shame a child for being persecuted by a pedophile to the point where she feels that her life has no value.
First off, I completely respect your opinion. I know it’s cruel to say, but the pedophile didn’t hold a gun to her head. She chose to expose herself. Saying she was forced is a complete insult to her intelligence.
Second, I don’t believe people just shame her for what the pedophile “made” her do, but all the other mistakes she made as well (which is still kind of sad). Also, the reason I acknowledged that point is because it’s something you stated in the “Who gets blamed” section of the article. The fact that there were things she could’ve done, like delete her Facebook account doesn’t help me sympathize with her, but that’s besides the point .
Third, I’m new to this site, so forgive me if I’m unfamiliar with all your other post, I wasn’t criticizing your general opinions, but your opinions in this article.
Okay, first of all, a child should not require a gun to her head in order for a child molester to be held accountable. What disgusts me is that a grown man lured a child and everyone continues to blame the child. Whether or not it was a mistake to interact with strangers online is not up for discussion. The unreasonable repercussions of that mistake ARE what we are discussing.
The question is not “should a child flash her breasts at strange men online” the question is “should a child lured into making that mistake be shunned and called a slut until she feels like her life has no value while the person who persecuted her is virtually ignored?”
The fact is that people seem to think that showing your breasts is such a shocking sin that she deserved to be hounded into suicide. She gets called “slut” and people say she “deserved what she got” but no one has made an argument as to WHY that is so much worse than photographing a child’s breasts without her permission, setting up a Facebook page dedicated to spreading those photos, and repeatedly emailing those photos to everyone in her school.
The child who made the mistake is criticized while the adult who did those things gets no blame at all. Can you explain to me how that can possibly be considered ok?
And can you explain to me how deleting HER Facebook profile would have solved the problem of the PEDOPHILE posting her breasts all get Facebook?
And finally, the only other “mistake” she made was sleeping with a guy who misrepresented himself as single when he actually had a girlfriend. Can you also explain to me why we shame HER for that and not the boy who lied to get a girl int bed? Why is it okay for him to have sex, but not her? Why is she to blame her for that mistake, instead of the one who lied and slept with her? Why did that girl beat up Amanda, instead of beating up her cheating boyfriend?
Why was she ostracized, instead of supported? Why did everyone tell her to drink bleach and die instead of trying to help track down the adult who was spreading child pornography? Why didn’t they tell the cheating guy to drink bleach instead?
It’s not about the mistakes she made. It’s about the completely disproportionate response to those mistakes, the lack of blame assigned to the men who lured her, and the tragic consequences of both.
Nobody has ever said it was ok for the pedophile to do what he did. She wasn’t called a slut for just showing her breasts, but for making inappropriate videos and taking inappropriate pictures of herself, also for sleeping with a young boy that had a girlfriend. In her video, she states she knew the boy had a girlfriend. In your opinion, that may be appropriate for a young girl to do, but not in the eyes of most people. Now, I know you may have a more liberal view of things, but in my opinion, that is slut like behavior.
I never said she deserved this and I’m not completely putting the blame on her. Now not having any correspondence with the pedophile and not chatting with complete strangers online could have prevented this tragedy, but she made a mistake, like everybody does. She broke, the #1 rule of being a child, don’t interact with strangers, but I digress.
The deletion of her Facebook would have stopped the influx of cyber bullying that apparently led to her suicide.
Unfortunately, I don’t believe I will be able to sway your opinion with my arguments. You heart seems to be in a good place, I guess, but your complete bias towards feminist views makes you look at all men as the bad guys (as I can tell just by reading the article).
I’m not making ALL men bad giys. i’m pretty sure that trying to assign some blame to the men involved in this case is no more “sexist” than assigning blame to a rapist for raping. If a man rapes a woman, it is the rapist’s fault. This is not excessive feminism or sexism. It is LOGIC. All the men I know would and do agree with that logic.
And if you don’t think that “slut” like behavior means that she deserve what she got, then why are you arguing with me? That’s all my post is arguing, but you and every other moron keeps building straw man arguments about whether her mistakes were good ideas. No one ever said they WERE. Only that the level of shame and ostracism that she received were completely disproportionate.
These are the two Arguments I have repeatedly made:
1. No child deserves to be shamed to death over Any mistake including promiscuity.
2. It is unreasonable to spend so much time assigning blame to a girl for promiscuity while continuing to ignore the blame deserved to the men who lured her into it.
You keep going back to her and what she did wrong (while fudging all your facts. She didn’t take pictures of herself or make any video other than the viral one which showed her FULLY clothed drawing attention to her plight. The PEDOPHILE took the photos WITHOUT HER CONSENT) instead of discussing what the men did wrong.
Let’s stop talking about whether she is a “slut” (since no one has even attempted to explain what is so bad about showing breasts anyway) and start talking about the other people, who no one seems to think did anything wrong: The man who photographed her breasts and posted them all over the Internet. The boy who had sex with her (isn’t he a slut? Why hasn’t he been shamed into suicide). Why isn’t anyone talking about them? Why can’t I even GET anyone to talk about them and what they did wrong? Why is it that EVERYTIME I DIRECTLY ASK SOMEONE ABOUT THEM THE PERSON RESPONDS WITH ANOTHER COMMENT ABOUT FUCKING AMANDA??
You want to have an intelligent debate? Leave the girl fucking out of this and let’s talk about the other parties involved. But you won’t. You’ll Respond with something else redirecting blame onto Amanda because no one wants to share this blame around. They just want to talk about the girl, who had tits and was therefore entirely responsible and therefore the bullies, the pedophile, and the slut teen boy are fucking blameless.
I swear to God, if anyone replying to this so much as REFERS to Amanda in the context of assigning blame I will dump that comment as spam because SHE MESSED UP WE ALL AGREE ON THAT BUT THAT DOES NOT MAKE WHAT HAPPENED OK. Anyone who wants to discuss THAT is welcome.
Otherwise we might as well start arguing that Trayvon Martin deserved what he got, too. Let’s totally ignore the murderer, he must not be the point. Let’s keep bringing it back to whether a black teen should be walking through gated communities!
If trying to put blame on Amanda’s persecutors is “sexist”, then trying to put blame on George Zimmerman would be racist.
The reason why nobody is mentioning the other parties is because they were not the ones that killed themselves, they are not the ones that got national attention, and they are not the ones that teens are attempting imitate (yes it has happened).
I’m not going to attempt to argue with you any longer. I finally realized how much of an unintelligent feminazi you are. You are just as bad as the people that drove her to suicide. Calling people you hardly know morons over the Internet.
Have a good life madam…
So, the reason you won’t answer my questions about whether the pedophile and the bullies should be blamed is because they don’t get national attention? The reason that all the trolls who comment here keep shifting blame back onto her is because she got national attention?
Or is it because anyone who suggests that maybe a child is less to blame than an adult gets dubbed a “feminazi”. Oh yeah. Only a crazy feminist would think that a pedophile is more to blame for the pictures he took than the girl he took them of.
Very unintelligent of me.
Good bye and good riddance.
I’m kinda late to this, but I wanna share my views on this terrible situation anyway, I agree with a lot you said.
I don’t think that she can even be considered a slut, so she flashed her boobs, she was 12, she’s supposed to experiment and make mistakes, so she can learn, that she experimented with flashing her boobs doesn’t mean that she feels an above average desire to flash her boobs, especially since she wasn’t the one with the initiative.
And then there is what most people would consider the stronger slut-argument, that she fucked a guy with a girlfriend. Well, I think it’s a really stupid argument…. why? Well… we’re talking about a girl who was shunned and bullied by her peers… saying that she was lonely probably didn’t quite cover how she must have felt and as far as I can tell her contact with mr. fuckboi(as I like to refer to that bitch-made boyfriend guy) was the only friendly contact she had with any of her peers in a long time. Taking that in consideration, can we really speak of a slut when a person wants to feel a bit…. loved, desired, to have an intimate moment with a guy? Of course not. And once again, it’s not like the initiative was with her.
And about the moral issues of her fucking someone else’s boyfriend? Well, let’s make one thing clear, we’re not talking about a family with 8 kids that functions well, we’re talking about 13 yr old love, that most likely had an expiration date(especially because of the “disloyal mr. fuckboi”). Second, the guy’s loyalty to his gf is HIS responsibility, not Amanda’s, in fact she doesn’t owe her anything(with her going through hell and all that she really doesn’t owe anyone anything), on the other hand, there is “bitch-made mr. fuckboi” who first decided to cheat on his girl and then admitted to doing so and assisted his girl with assualting the person he took blatant advantage of… wtf? BITCH-MADE MUCH? And yes, trying to fuck a girl in the mental condition Amanda was in is taking advantage of her, PERIOD.
And seriously, people are usually so up-in-arms against pedophiles, they usually want to chop their dicks off, what gives? Because they didn’t get national attention? You suddenly sound jealous that she got the attention and pity and got glorified, you’re jealous of a person that offed herself, your life must really suck. Do I think she was an exceptional girl? No… she couldn’t even spell ambulance at 14/15(among other spelling errors) and besides that I wasn’t blown away either, and I’m really not a fan of the “heaven has another beautiful angel <3" comments, as they're corny as fuck, but she's a martyr for a very important cause and you can't underestimate that.
Well, that's my 2 cents, it's awful that this shit happens and it's even worse that people seem to be ok with it…
Can I hug you?
Don’t know how old you are Japos, but exactly! Thank you for having the humanity to understand how awful Amanda must have felt, and how desperate she must have been to feel loved. This was an absolutely wretched situation, but you restore some of my faith in humanity. Group hug maybe 🙂
Not sure why you’re curious about my age, but I’m 24.
I’m down for a group hug 😛
lol it was just that I guessed you were quite young, but had such a grown up attitude. Normally people only seem to get so sensible when they’ve had kids old enough to have gone through some of the traumas 🙂
Yea, I have mostly music but also movies to thank for that, sharing in other’s experiences have proven to be very helpful in understanding things I haven’t personally experienced.
It’s such a shame how people are so quick to judge a girl over her not-so-elegant choices when they don’t even have the decency to do a bit of research into what she has been through, putting labels like “slut” on a person is so meaningless when you don’t understand what she went through, I don’t know what it feels like to feel depressed to the point of self-harm/suicide attempts(thankfully) and neither do they.
It’s mindblowing to me that they don’t understand the graveness of her situation when she can do things to herself that a normal person couldn’t even imagine doing.
Tuck your ugly tit away, you landwhale.
Fucking attention whore, you should bleach up as well.
You all disgust me for saying all this shit. She didn’t know what she was doing and that’s the end of the story. She wasn’t no kind of slut
Wow, 6 years has flown by.
I bet that Amanda’s family still think about her daily.
And I hope everyone here remembers her occasionally, especially when talk turns to bullying people that make different decisions than you do.
Like Noam Chomsky says: “If you don’t believe in freedom of expression for those you despise, then you don’t believe in freedom of expression.”