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Talking to a toddler can be a strange adventure.

I’ve had some truly bizarre and awkward ones with Owl, who is now two and three quarters. I need to start documenting them, because if they seem weird to me, his doting mother, I can only imagine how bizarre they will sound to you.

Owl: Mommy…. what I doing?

Me: You’re putting your fingers on your nipples, honey.

Owl: Yeah. I am. I am putting my fingers on my nipples.

Me: Okay, step into your undies, please.

Owl: No. I busy. I busy putting my fingers on my nipples.

A few days later

Owl: Mommy… what I doing?

Me: You’re… you’re putting your finger in your foreskin, honey.

Owl: No.

Me: Yes, yes you are. Yup. That is your finger up your foreskin.

Owl: No I not. This my penis. Look. What I doing?

Me: Yes, that is your penis, and this PART of your penis is your foreskin, and you are putting your finger in it. Please step into your undies.

Owl: This my foreskin? I put my finger in it?

Me: PLEASE STEP INTO YOUR UNDIES BEFORE I COUNT TO THREE.

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