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Tag Archives: technology

In Which I Try To Use The Google

13 Wednesday Jun 2012

Posted by IfByYes in I'm Sure This Happens To Everyone..., My Blag is on the Interwebs, Well, That's Just Stupid

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

adwords, bad planning, bad programming, business, computers, fail, google, google ads, internet, not user friendly, not working, technology, website

So, my friend and I are trying to drum up clients for our dog training business.

I decided that it was time to get some Google Adwords.

I made this choice for three reasons:

1. Facebook ads had gotten us “likes” but no new clients

2. We are still abysmally low in Google search listings

3. I had one of those $100 free Adwords coupon cards.

So I went to the website that I was given on the card, but found that I couldn’t proceed. 

It asked me for my personal information, which I gave.

Then nothing happened.

There was no continue button. I tried pressing enter. Nothing worked.

WTF.

I thought maybe the site was down, so I waited a couple of hours and tried again.

Nope. Can’t proceed. Other links on the page sent me on to Adwords how-to pages and such, but I couldn’t actually go forward with my coupon redemtion/set up. I wondered if maybe it was a problem with my browser, and then I remembered that I use Google Chrome.

Obviously, since this was Google’s own browser, the form should work fine.

Fail.

But it’s okay – they provided a phone number for me to call, saying they would be happy to set up my ad for me, free of charge.

Fine. I hate interacting with humans, but whatever.

It rang twice and then I got disconnected.

It seems like such a scam – send people to a special offer site, have the special offer part not work, and then wait for people to sign up the regular way.

So I made a tweet about it.

Wow. #Google @Adwords is bogus. Tried to redeem a "$100 trial offer" and neither the website nor the phone number provided actually work!

— Carol @IfByYes (@IfByYesTweets) May 31, 2012

I thought it might prompt Google into responding/fixing the problem, but I got zero response.

PH teased me that I clearly couldn’t use the internet, and assured me that he would figure it out when he had some time.

A couple of days later he sent me a text at work. He had figured out the problem:

The Google Ads offer site only worked on Internet Explorer. 

That’s right – Google’s site wasn’t working on GOOGLE CHROME. I had to switch to Internet Explorer to frigging proceed with the form.

FAIL.

So then I go and jump through all the hoops to get signed up and redeem my dang coupon. I logged in with the same email address that I use for my business’s Google+/Google Places page, for obvious reasons. I also clicked the option they gave me to keep all my Google stuff together, rather than trying to separate adwords from the rest of my stuff. After all, I was using my professional email address.

Then it asked me if I wanted to associate my ad with a Google+ page.

You’d think they wouldn’t even make it an option. Google has been shoving Google+ down everyone’s throats to minimal success. You’d think they would INSIST on any business trying to use Google Ads having a Google+ business page.

But anyway, I checked that yes, I did want to include a link to our page. It asked me for a link to the page.

You’d think that since I was logged in with the owner’s email for that page that it would just go “Oh, hey, this is the business page associated with this business address!” and fill it in automatically.

BUT NO.

So whatever.

I find my Google + business page and insert the link into the entry box.

Invalid link.

What? This is the same link that I shared on my business facebook page and it works fine. It’s the same link ON OUR WEBSITE.

I try again.

Invalid link.

I take out the slashes at the end of the address and just use the basic format of https://plus.google.com/MY-NUMBER

Invalid link.

There is no additional information telling me how to acquire the correct link or what it should look like. No help boxes.

Fine, Google, I WON’T link to the Google+ page. I’ll just link direct to my own website.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?

Bringing up the Google+ page, which I had almost forgotten about since it doesn’t come up in searches easily, even if you search for our business name (you find our website, but not the Google+ page) reminded me that I had meant to strike our address from the visible listing.

My friend had  told me that one of our clients showed up at my door thinking she could walk in and talk to us, and then realized it was a private residence.

So once I was done setting up the damn adwords sans Google+ address, I went back to the Google+ page and edited the listing by checking the box to NOT include my address in the listing.

I refreshed. Address still there.

I tried again.

STILL THERE.

Again!

OH HAI.

Eff this. I’ll figure it out later.

But wait a minute.

Why is it offering me a link telling me that there are no Google Ads set up for this page?

Oh, well, after all, I couldn’t give the direct link. Maybe it’ll work better in CHROME this time (crazy idea, I know). So I click the link to take me to Adwords.

It tells me I have no ads or campaigns set up.

That’s strange, since I have an account sitting open in Explorer with my campaign and everything still there.

I’m signed in to professional google email in both browsers.

As far as I can tell, while it may allow me to log in to adwords using this email, Google doesn’t seem to have actually associated my Adwords account with my existing stuff, DESPITE MY CHECKING THE OPTION TO DO JUST THAT.

Now I know why even Google doesn’t use Google +.

FAIL, GOOGLE. 

*Please share this post to give Google a MINUS ONE*

Dear RIM: If a Safe Driving App Gets My Husband In A Car Crash, That’ll Be Real Irony, Not The Fake Alanis Kind.

22 Saturday Oct 2011

Posted by IfByYes in I'm Sure This Happens To Everyone..., Perfect Husband, Well, That's Just Stupid

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

apps, Blackberry, drivesafe.ly, RIM, technology

Now, as you all know, RIM honoured the death of Steve Jobs with a twelve hour silence.

As a thank you to their customers for their forebearance, they are offering some free apps.

So Perfect Husband happily downloaded an app called DriveSafe.ly and was itching to try it out.

“Send me a text message!” Perfect Husband ordered me as I got into the car with him the other day.

I was confused. We text all day long, but texting while together crosses into the Disgusting Couple zone.

“Uh… why?”

“Just send me a text.”

So I wrote something along the lines of “LOL UR Hawt.” (Normally, we are fully-and-correctly-spelled-with-appropriate-use-of-semicolons sort of texters, so I felt this would be sufficient punishment).

Then I heard a bing from his Blackberry.

And we drove in silence for a while.

“Hmm,” said PH. “Send me another.”

So I did. There was a second bing, and then a voice that sounded like an unholy mating between Stephen Hawking and Satan ponderously announced:

“MESSAGE FROM… CAROL: Why you no reply?”. 

“Reply,” said PH.

“SPEAK YOUR MESSAGE” said DriveSafe.ly

“I am replying to you,” said PH.

My phone binged.

Reply to ear

I sent a message back.

“MESSAGE FROM… CAROL: WHO IS EAR? REPLY TO ME!”

“Reply,” said PH.

“SPEAK YOUR MESSAGE” said DriveSafe.ly

“I’m trying to!”

My phone binged.

I’m trying two

I sent another message back.

“MESSAGE FROM… CAROL: TWO? BUT THERE IS ONLY ONE OF ME.”

“Reply,” said PH.

…

“REPLY!” said PH.

“SPEAK YOUR MESSAGE” said DriveSafe.ly

“Homophones are not this program’s friend,” said PH.

My phone binged.

haha phone is on her not this program is friend

I sent another message.

The Blackberry binged.

DriveSafe.ly made no comment.

I sent another. The Blackberry binged. DriveSafe.ly still said nothing.

“Send message!” said PH.

Nothing.

“REPLY” said PH.

Nothing.

We stopped at a red light and he fiddled with his phone while I watched the light anxiously.  

I sent another message.

Nothing.

At the next red light he rebooted his Blackberry and made sure DriveSafe.ly was back on. I sent another message, which still did not provoke a response from RIM’s free gift, which normally retails for like 20 bucks.

“Answer!’ PH ordered.

No response.

“Reply! Send Message! STOP SUCKING SO MUCH.”

DriveSafe.ly had nothing to say to this.

PH turned it off and turned it back on again. He rebooted his phone again. I sent another message.

Nothing happened.

“Answer!”

No response.

“I’m so glad I didn’t pay MONEY for you! Answer! Reply! Send!”

DriveSafe.ly felt no need to react.

“SEND!”

Silence.

“F*** A DEAD MONKEY!!”

I have to say, I don’t think he was driving more safe.ly.

A very important poll

09 Wednesday Mar 2011

Posted by IfByYes in My Blag is on the Interwebs, Polls

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

opinion, Polls, social media, technology, twitter

Not-So-Smart Phone…

29 Friday Oct 2010

Posted by IfByYes in Well, That's Just Stupid

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

cell phone, conversions, Samsung, smartphone, technology

So, my husband’s new Samsung Advance Smartphone arrived in the mail a few days ago. Delighted with his new toy, he was playing around with it and found the converter function. It can translate cm to inches, oz to kg, and even USD to CAD. Handy, eh?

So he started playing around with it, and we learned a few things…

...that one foot is the same as 3 inches, 36 metres, or 91 nautical miles

...that one pound equals 35,274 kilograms, or 15,432,356 British tons

 

...that when it is 20 degrees Celcius outside, it is -6.7 degrees Fahrenheit

...and that one Canadian dollar is worth 11 American dollars.

I’m glad it told us these things, because now I know that I weigh 0.0024 lbs, my home is 3.6 square kilometres in size, and if I go to Seattle (which is only 6306 feet away) I will be able to buy a new PS3 Move for 36 bucks. The only downside is that it is apparently -10 degrees Fahrenheit outside.

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