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~ the musings of a left wing left hander with two left feet

If By Yes

Tag Archives: links

Flattery: No Longer The Style In Spam

09 Friday Dec 2011

Posted by IfByYes in I'm Sure This Happens To Everyone..., My Blag is on the Interwebs

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

Blogging, comments, internet traffic, links, spam

Remember the good old days, when spam used to mindlessly flatter you in order to flog the links and products that it was trying to disseminate?

My spam all used to be stuff like this:

You understand therefore considerably in terms of this matter, made me individually consider it from a lot of various angles. Its like men and women are not interested until it’s one thing to accomplish with Girl gaga! Your individual stuffs great. All the time take care of it up!

And I’d be like “Well, that has absolutely nothing to do with my family history, which is what this post was about, but thanks, random spammer!”

DELETE.

But lately it’s started to change.

Some of the posts were just… more neutral. Like this one:

I found this quote very fitting “Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.” — Louis E. Boone

Um… thanks? Are you calling me a coward? HOW SHOULD I INTERPRET THIS, MISTER ENLARGE-YOUR-PENIS?

Some would contain random ass-vice.

I suggest adding a facebook like button for the blog!

Thanks, Miss Elliptical Machine Reviewer, I use what wordpress gives me, but whatever.

Then my spam took a definite downward turn. On PH’s rant on the misogyny of the 1930s, someone replied

Seriously? This post is mediocre in my opinion, just like carrot cake. I know you can do better :)

And yes, it came complete with the passive aggressive smiley face. I was like “WTF? Carrot cake is awesome and so is PH’s rare but wonderful writing.”

Then this one appeared on my Daycare-makes-my-baby-wear-a-hat-inside post:

In this grand design of things you secure a B- with regard to hard work. Exactly where you actually confused me ended up being on all the specifics….For right now I will subscribe to your point but wish in the foreseeable future you link the dots much better.

What is this, English class?

I give this spam comment a D- in the grand design of things, for general failure at making coherent sentences. The point where he confused me ended up being ALL THE SPECIFICS.

And then, AND THEN, this one arrived in my spam box:

This is pointless, why am I even reading it and not enjoying gulrotkake appelsin? I should learn to spend my time better.

Well.

You can’t argue with logic like that.

Even though I have no style IRL

26 Saturday Mar 2011

Posted by IfByYes in Memes, My Blag is on the Interwebs

≈ 12 Comments

Tags

blog awards, Blogging, blogs, links, memes, writing

Recently two amazing fellow bloggers, Big Dog Momma and Curiosity, tagged me with the Stylish Blogger award that has been going around. I am honoured, blushing, etc etc. I’ve taken forever to respond, because it requires the following:

1. Link back and thank the person who gave you the award.

That’s easy enough. I’ll even do it twice! Check out

Canis Majoris Madre – it has dogs, kids, and occasional poop. What else could you ask for?

Emotional Umbrella – Curiosity may be my secret Long Lost Twin. Our brains tend to parallel each other in creepy and inexplicable ways. Except she is much more hilarious than I will ever be.

2. Share 7 things about yourself.

TOUGH, because I have to share seven NEW things that I didn’t share before in this meme.

1. I hate my hair. Seriously, I have the worst hair in the history of hair. It is limp, and hangs in greasy strings. It is extremely fine and gets staticky easily. You can’t volumize it. Legions of hair dressers have tried. Conditioner makes it hang in greasy strings. Mousse sometimes works if you blow dry, but the volume only lasts for an hour or so. After that, it hangs in greasy strings. Layering helps a little, because then it hangs in layered greasy strings.

You can’t put it up. It is so fine that it provides absolutely no friction. Pony tails slide out. They managed to get it up for my wedding (hee hee, that’s what she said) but it took over FIFTY bobby pins. PH counted them when he took my hair down at the end of the night.

Also, it only parts down the middle. People have assured me that if I part it elsewhere for long enough, I can “train” my hair to part somewhere else. I have been parting it on the right hand side dutifully for A YEAR AND A HALF, and it still rearranges itself to a middle split within an hour.

2. I like my skin. It’s pretty good skin. It doesn’t get pimply. The Christmas that I didn’t know I was pregnant, I got a pimple. I should have known.

3. Since Babby was born, my toe nails have gone from normal-looking toenails to weird, crunchy, chalky white things. It looks like I painted them with white out. I am baffled, but I assume that my doctor would be of no help to me.

4. I leave empty drink glasses all over the house. I can’t help it. I’m thirsty, I get a drink, I tote it around with me until its finished. I continue moving through the house. I get thirsty again. I go to the kitchen. I get another glass. I tote it around with me… Every now and then Perfect Husband passes me in the hallway with five or six glasses stacked in his arms. He gives me this really long suffering look, says “I love you…” and takes all the glasses to the kitchen. Since I’m supposed to be the house wife right now, I’m really trying to keep this sort of thing down to a minimum, but it’s haaaaaard!

5. I don’t like ice cream. Bleeeeyech.

6. I love apocalyptic stuff and post-apocalyptic stuff. Movies and books about the end of the world… Good, bad, it doesn’t matter (with the exception of Armageddon, which is so awful that I can’t even begin to have fun). I love The Day of the Triffids, as well as Independence Day… Except Independence Day would be better if the aliens won. I like movies that feature famous landmarks getting trashed and people having to start over again. Looooove it. Feel free to psychoanalyze why.

7. I have an extensive Baby Sitter’s Club book collection. It’s sandwiched between Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle and The World of Pooh. Hey, laugh all you want, but at least Ann M Martin could use punctuation appropriately and wrote admirable characters, which is better than some drivel I’ve read lately.

3. Award 5 recently discovered blogs.

Here goes…

1. The Salted Tomato. Looking for a bunch of delicious (mostly) vegetarian recipes, often with an East Indian twist? Look no further. The Salted Tomato mixes in recipes with musings on life in an East Indian family, and it’s fascinating and mouth watering.

2. Mommy By Day. Not actually new to me, but stylish for shizzle. It’s a great photography/mommy blog and Natalie’s daughter is totally adorable. If that little girl wasn’t older than Babby (which I find creepy because I’m conventional like that) and if we lived in another culture I would be arranging a marriage between them. I would give many camels.

3. Don’t Mind The Mess. Jess has a super cute little boy who has recently been diagnosed with a form of autism. She knows how I feel when I talk about babies that scream all the time and don’t sleep. She shares my suspicion of what she calls “sack of flour” babies.

4. The Problem With Young People Today Is… Mr. Mills (you don’t get to call him Don unless you are well into your senior years) is cranky and I love it. I agree with everything he says about young people these days, so he has accepted me as an honorary Old Person. My decoder ring is supposedly in the mail. Presumably it will hock Ovaltine.

5. Reasoning With Vampires. You all know how much I love Twilight. This lady notices the things that I noticed – bad grammar, sentences that make no sense, Bella’s insufferable personality, and her tendency to lose track of things (such as where she is, what is happening around her, whether she is breathing, and where her lips are). Every day multiple SCANNED bits from the Twilight Saga appear, along with brilliant and incisive commentary and highlighting of grammatical errors. It’s hilariously nitpicky. Right now Dana is working her way through New Moon. I can’t wait until she gets to the part where Bella is “literally” up to her elbows in Comet while cleaning the bathtub.

4. Contact them and tell them about their award.

Yeah, I’m far too lazy to get around to doing that. They’re smart cookies. They’ll figure it out.

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