Even If It Doesn’t Fit The Modern Spirit

Tags

Charlie Brown Tree, Christmas, Commercialism, Decoration, depression, Ornaments, Wish Lists

Despite my lack of Christmas Spirit, there is one thing I did this year that I am please about, decorating-wise.

Word got around my workplace that London Drugs was selling a full size replica of the iconic Charlie Brown Christmas Tree for a very affordable price.

So one day, after picking Owl up from school, I swung by London Drugs.

“Sorry I’m late, I wanted to buy an artificial tree,” I said.

PH squinted at me. He’s met me, and he knows how violently against artificial trees I am.

“I don’t BELIEVE you,” he said.

“No, really!” I held out the box.

PH looked at it for a moment.

“I accept this,” he said simply. “How much did you have to pay?”

“Fifteen bucks.”

“…really?”

“Yup.”

“I accept this.”

It has the place of honour on our dining room table.

Yes, I am aware of the irony of BUYING a REPLICA of something which represents the rejection of commercialization in Christmas in general, and artificial trees in particular.

But you know what? It’s FRIGGING ADORABLE.

It reminds me of PH and me. Weighed down, but still standing, still good. We just need a little love and care.

And every time I look at it, I am reminded of what Christmas is really all about.

My house is messy, and undecorated, and I haven’t sent any cards.

But you know what?

My son asked for a candy cane, a tea set, and Hungry Hungry Hippos for Christmas. That’s it. That’s all he wanted (well, and something else called “the game with the dots that go down the hole”* but we’ll never figure that one out). And honestly, I think the only thing he had his heart set on is the candy cane.

It could be worse.

Christmas doesn’t come from a store.

…So the beautiful decorations on Pinterest can go f*&# themselves.

*ETA: he asked for the same thing the next year. We asked him to show it to us. It was a crokinole board.

You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch

Tags

Christmas, depression, grinch

No, I’m not referring to a particular person.

The Grinch is a state of mind.

The Grinch is when you’re standing with your feet wet in the snow, looking at the other people having fun and enjoying Christmas, and wonder why you’re all by yourself in a cave.

I am a Chrismassy person.

Every year since I was a teenager I have adorned my room with Christmas lights, re-read A Christmas Carol, played Christmas songs in the evenings, and generally revelled in the season.

But the last couple of years, I’ve had trouble getting into the act.

Last year was understandable. We couldn’t go home for Christmas, and were left making our own traditions. Things felt strange. My concept of “Christmas” was upheaved.

But if I thought that the Christmas Spirit was a little lacking last year, it was a Christmas WONDERLAND compared to this year.

I haven’t send any Christmas Cards.

I haven’t BOUGHT any Christmas Cards.

There are lights up in the kitchen, but not in the living room.

We don’t have a tree.

The sad thing is, we’re trying.

We got Owl to write a letter to Santa, but we haven’t talked about taking him to sit on Santa’s lap.

I went out and bought new ornaments for the tree, but we haven’t actually made any plans to actually GET a tree.

PH put Christmas music on for me one night.

And I nearly cried.

We just aren’t feeling it, this year.

Not only was I expecting to be holding a tiny baby by now, but Christmas has always been deeply associated with babies and motherhood for me.

So while I love Christmas, whenever I start to feel too Christmassy, I also start to feel more deprived, more aware of my loss.

PH, on the other hand, is beginning to panic because he’s watching his wife crack up and he’s too depressed to handle it. He insisted that I go back on my Welbutrin (even though I think my depression is far more situational than seasonal) and then recklessly went OFF of his, thinking that maybe his meds were to blame for the fact that I have not yet conceived.

I thought that was a bad idea, and I’m convinced the problem is with me – I’m getting older, I had that D&C…

But PH wanted to try, so he went off his meds, and it is not going well.

It’s hard to feel Christmassy when you’re feeling stressed, and grieving, and your husband is in such deep pain that he radiates anguish, for all he tries so hard to hide it.

At least Owl is too young to know what he’s missing. But he’s had trouble getting into the spirit too.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m decorating for Christmas, honey.”

“It’s not Christmas.”

“It’s Christmastime, honey.”

“No. Dere’s no SNOW out!”

I thought snow would help the Christmas Spirit a lot for all of us. But when it came this week, I enjoyed the prettiness, but Christmas still didn’t touch my heart.

My hope is that when I’m sitting on my parents’ couch, looking at the tree and listening to Karen Carpenter, that the Spirit will find me, and that Christmas will come to me like it did to the Whos down in Whoville.

And I won’t cry “booo hoooo.”

How Do You Explain Snail Mail To The iGeneration?

Tags

Christmas, cute, kids say the darndest things, three year old

“Soon, buddy, you’ll write a letter to Santa, and tell him what you want for Christmas.”

“A letter? For Santa?”

“Yes! What are you going to write?”

“I’m gonna write him a T! No… no… an A!”

*moment of baffled silence*

“Oh, no, buddy, not THAT kind of letter…”

Catching Fire: In Which I Give Philip Seymour Hoffman All The Credit

Tags

acting, caesar flickerman, catching fire, directing, hunger games, movies, philip seymour hoffman, reviews

*slow clap*

I… have NO COMPLAINTS.

It’s… PERFECT.

As you know, this is not something I say lightly. I have a reputation for being somewhat picky when it comes to movies.

The first Hunger Games movie really disappointed me, and the irony of the advertising has horrified me.

I THINK YOU MISSED THE POINT

But… Catching Fire is wonderful.

They hit all the right notes.

I mean, sure, they cut out a lot of stuff, but after all, the movie is very long as-is. They can never put an entire book into a two hour movie. And I accept the cuts they made. I understand why they changed the things they changed, and I am okay with it.

Because they left all the right things in.

Little things – like Finnick’s sugar, Johanna Mason stripping in the elevator, Chaff’s kiss, great Peeta/Katniss exchanges, fantastic Haymitch/Effie moments. The old man in District 11. Caesar Flickerman’s face when Peeta proposes – oh, that made us laugh out loud!

The actual time in the arena happens on a much shorter timeline, but pretty much the entirety of it is there, just condensed. Even Katniss armed with one syringe against the capital. It’s all there, and it’s right.

The characters are SO much better done in this movie. Effie’s inherent EFFIENESS is made very clear, and she provides some great laughable moments. Caesar Flickerman is more schmoozy, mugging the camera, more on par with who I see in my head when I read.

Instead of mute pawns moving through a strangely silent world, the characters are full of life and the plot feels vibrant and immediate. Peeta’s motivations are a little more clear, and so are Katniss’s, although they still utterly fail at heating up a room with their lukewarm romance.

Haymitch is more of a lovable abrasive drunk than a strangely charming hero. Effie is more ridiculous. 

PH and I thoroughly enjoyed the entire movie, welcoming each scene in bewildered delight.

…and we figure it’s because of Philip Seymour Hoffman.

“Why yes, I do always play a douchebag but I am excellent at it, you must admit.”

Because he is only in good movies. I don’t always LIKE them. Master was weird and Doubt was depressing, and Capote is just disturbing…. but the movies are always GOOD.

Philip Seymour Hoffman must have just infused his native brilliance into every scene.

I mean, yeah, sure, I could credit Francis Lawrence, the director, for the loss of annoying bouncy-cam and the infusion of actual personalities into the acting… but the previous director, Gary Ross, wrote/directed several other films that I like a lot, like Pleasantville, Big, and Dave.

I can’t begin to understand why someone who has produced such sweet and occasionally moving movies was completely unable to replicate the sweetness of Peeta, or put any heart into the film. Maybe he was trying too hard not to be himself, I don’t know.

Maybe the new writers just “got” the series more. Maybe Francis Lawrence, who did I Am Legend and Constantine, just got the genre better.

Or maybe it is because of Philip Seymour Hoffman.

All I know is… it is FANTASTIC.

PH and I will own Catching Fire… but not The Hunger Games.

…Who knows, with the same writers and director, maybe they can even get me to enjoy Mockingjay.

And THAT will be a feat.

Blargh

Today was my due date.

I think I’m gonna eat some chocolate. A friend is taking me out tonight – I think it’s good I have the distraction.

You know what I don’t need? Cute newborn babies in clients’ arms at work.

Blargh.