A lot has been written about what NOT to say to someone who has just lost a pregnancy. Goodness knows I’ve read variations on that post many times, on various infertility blogs.
But now I’m getting them said at me, and PH is hearing them a lot at work.
And it’s funny, because all those bloggers are right, they are very unhelpful things to say, and they can be hurtful to hear. PH especially gets angry when he hears them, which is unfortunate because his workplace is being much worse about this whole situation than mine is.
I try to take them in the spirit with which they are offered, and ignore the actual words.
I know that the person saying these things is trying to be sympathetic, trying to make me feel better. So I try to shut out the hurt, because the words DO hurt, and just appreciate the sentiment.
Because the thing is, most of those things that people shouldn’t say but do… are TRUE.
I try to remind PH of this when someone comes out with one. “We’ve said that to each other, remember?” and he’ll grudgingly say “yeah…”
But being true does not make something helpful.
For example, here are some common platitudes that always show up on those “things not to say” lists, and which PH and I have both had to hear many times: