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child care, daycare, diapers, motherhood, parenting, potty chart, potty training, rewards, stickers, toddlers, training pants
Well, it has been a little over a week since we began potty training, so I thought I’d give you an update.
I was a little nervous sending Owl off to daycare, because Daycare Lady insisted on Pull Ups.
Now, we love Daycare Lady.
I lucked out with her in many ways, and probably in more ways than I realize. For example, she just mentioned to me recently that the woman who runs the daycare down the road from her claims that it “isn’t her job” to help parents with potty training, that she “just needs to keep them safe.”
Ladies, that daycare is Daycare One, from my daycare hunting days. I never even thought to ask them, when looking for a place for my 11 month old, whether they considered potty training part of their job. It went without saying. Or so I thought.
SO. I lucked out, even with Helper Lady’s foibles thrown in.
But the diapers have always been a bit of a problem.
Despite the fact that Daycare believes in non-toxic cleaning products and organic, from-scratch meals, her hatred of germs makes her heavily pro-disposable diapers.
Which means that she insisted on Pull Ups, despite the fact that The No Scry Potty Training Solution and Hannah from Hodgepodge have both warned me against them, and I know for a fact that Not Mary Poppins over at Daycare Daze puts them in underwear to train.
I pointed out to her all the arguments against Pull Ups – that they’re still diapers, so the kid won’t feel any different, that they are more absorbable than his cloth diapers so it would actually be a step BACK and so on.
We compromised on Pull Ups OVER his underwear, because she insisted that she couldn’t allow him in only underwear, due to hygiene concerns.
For the next three days, he came home wearing Pull Ups only, with the underwear in his diaper bag totally untouched.
By the third day, I was livid.
Meanwhile, Helper Lady was telling me at the door in the mornings that “Baby no understand. He good boy, but he no understand, Mommy.” (Helper Lady calls all the mothers “mommy”)
Oh really? Our potty chart begged to differ.
In fact, the morning she told me that, he had peed in the potty SEVEN TIMES and pooped once, and we hadn’t had an accident in two days.
Daycare Lady told me that he was going fine for her, but not always for Helper Lady. Daycare Lady also suspected that Helper Lady, being older, was losing track of time and not taking him often enough.
And as Helper Lady pointed out, “You have one baby, Mommy. I have eight.”
Fair point. Plus, there’s a difference between running around the house with no pants on and the potty RIGHT THERE, versus having a diaper and pants on, a house full of kids to play with, and a baby gate between you and the bathroom.
But still.
It pissed me off, because I am a first time mother, and they are supposed to be the child care professionals. I felt like they should be better at potty training than me, not worse.
And then when I picked him up on Thursday, I was told that he had pooped in his Pull Ups and that it had burst out of his Pull Ups and gone all over the floor in a manner that I’m sure Hannah would sympathize with.
My first reaction was actually a mild schadenfreude. That’s what they get for putting this kid in disposables. Poop has NEVER stayed within the confines of Owl’s disposables. Serves ‘em right.
I guess they figured the same thing, because the next day not only did he come home with underwear on under his Pull Ups, but Helper Lady informed me that he DID understand for pees!
So I would be triumphant, BUT…
Since the Poop On The Floor, not only has he been having poop accidents in his pants, but he bursts into tears when they happen, pointing at the floor and howling “NO POOP DOWN DOWN!!!!” and “Waaaah, MY POOOPED…” heart brokenly.
Witnessing one of these meltdowns on Saturday filled PH with so much fury that he began to talk about sending Owl elsewhere.
So Sunday we went to the dollar store and bought some crappy plastic animal toys. We put them in a clear vase on the mantle and told him he could have one every time he pooped in the potty.
When he finally had a success, we gave him ALL THE CANDY, and special BUTTERFLY stickers, and CARS sticks, AND A PLASTIC WOLF.
He was so delighted he kept sticking the plastic wolf in the potty and saying “Look, Wolfie, MY POOPED!”
Over the next hour he then proceeded to produce what Not Mary P would call “iotas of shit” in order to receive a hippo and a dinosaur. After his nap and before bed, he pooped one more time for yet another plastic animal.
We’ve done what we can to reverse things. I’m going to go put him in his undies and Pull Ups, and take him to daycare.
Wish him luck.
I know that your daycare ladies have many sterling qualities, but this just makes me SO ANGRY. “Baby no understand, Mommy” OH FAH GAH I CAN’T EVEN STABBITY-STAB.
Also, the other one claiming toilet training isn’t part of her job? The hell it isn’t. GRR HULKSMASH.
(Sorry for all the shouty-caps but sweet baby jesus, these people.)
Anyway, it sounds to me like Owl is doing very well. Is it going to take longer because your care providers aren’t reinforcing your routines & strategies? Yes.
I would worry too about whether or not the ladies are using the word “bad” in the context of his accidents. Most little kids don’t sob broken-heartedly because they have a poop accident. And the fact that the Helper Lady said “he’s a good baby but” makes me wonder if when he pooped all over the place they didn’t say “bad Owl!” or something similar.
I’m not trying to sour you on your caregivers – toilet training is but one facet of life for your wee man. But please don’t let them off the hook in terms of letting them know that you ARE disappointed with their attitude about helping him learn this critical skill.
LOL thank you for your vindicating rage. And I KNOW about the “not our job” thing. Did I miss a bullet there or what?
I don’t think that they purposely punished Owl, but Daycare Lady wasn’t there, her young twenty something helper girl was, and Farah said she was fairly traumatized by it. I don’t think she did a good job of hiding it and owl picked up on how horrified she was. My poor little boy.
Regardless of the daycare issues, it’s not at all uncommon for kids to regress a little when it comes to bowel movements. G TOTALLY did and it took us months to stabilize him that way. It sounds like things are going absolutely great. Honestly. This is one week! Amazing progress! Take a breather, mama, you’re doing good.
I just wish I could trust my kid’s caretakers to not make things worse you know? But good news-he was dry all day and while there weren’t any poops in the potty, there weren’t any in his pants either.
my kid’s daycare potty trained her. in about a week. one of the ladies just took it upon herself to do it, and it was done.
good luck – you seem to be moving in the right direction…
Wish I had a daycare like that! My mother had a similar experience. She and Dad left me with my aunt for a weekend, and she potty trained me.
A not insignificant part of our decision to live like paupers in order for me to be a SAHM was that my daughter potty trained over Easter break… then went back to day care where I was told that she was too young. They don’t potty train until 2 years old. She was 18 months. I caught the “care giver” refuse to take her to the bathroom when she asked. Who tells someone (anyone) to soil them selves and so they can clean it up later? I gave notice and didn’t look back.
That’s appalling. I can see them having a policy of not toilet training at that young an age, since many kids haven’t got the requisite control yet. But if the kid asks, you TAKE THEM.
Hannah really captured my response as well with her “shouty-caps”! :)
Your experience has (once again) made me realise how easy I had it, thanks to the sterling effort of a Day Care that actually had a special “Potty Training” class limited to less than 10 kids. It was magic!
That said, I totally agree that you’re doing a brilliant job and couldn’t expect anything better after only 1 week. Good luck to you and Owl! Before you know it this too will be a distant memory. Meanwhile just stick to your guns. You’re doing great! :)
Potty Training Class sounds awesome!
Okay, I’m missing something here: the toilet is on the other side of a baby gate? I get that. Mine is, too, because it’s up a flight of stairs I don’t want the babies accessing. (When the babies are napping, the baby gate is opened, however.) But when the baby gate is shut, there is a POTTY somewhere they can get to it, quickly, easily, and even, when they’re more practiced, on their own. To expect a training child to give you enough notice to be able to wait long enough to a) tell you and b) have the gate opened… well, that’s unreasonable.
I agree with Hannah that the daycare is not doing all it could (and arguably, *should*) be doing to help Owl. But there’s also a word of encouragement for you in a couple of the other commenters, who note that it was their daycare who trained their child. I’ve done this too — trained a child *for* the parents, and then, when it was a done deal here, told them they could eliminate the diapers at home.
The encouragement is that he can learn to live with two different sets of expectations: at daycare, he wears Pull-Ups, has the bathroom made less than accessible (to which I say WTF??), and he has — surprise!! — accidents. And at home … he’s trained. Period.
Point being: he can get trained at home with or without the daycare’s participation. It may, as Hannah notes, take more time, but that’s all. He’ll get there.
In fact, if you think he’s being traumatized for accidents at daycare, you could ask the daycare to keep him in diapers for another month, until he’s well trained at home. Radical, yes. Flies in the face of all potty-training wisdom vis a vis consistency. But it can be done. I’ve seen it.
Ha ha ha, you think germophobe Daycare Lady would allow a POTTY in her precious playroom? HAHAHAHA NO.
Yeah, the potty is in the bathroom which is in the hall, which is gated off at all times. Not at all surprising that Owl is making mistakes. Also, Helper Lady informed me on Thursday that she had ASKED him if he needed to go potty several times, had been reassured by him that he did not, and that he had subsequently wet himself.
THAT’S RIGHT. She gave a toddler a choice between continuing play and sitting on a plastic potty, and was then surprised when he peed his pants.
I don’t have the luxury of a playroom. The tots take over my main level for play — living room, dining room, and kitchen. The potty is in a corner of the kitchen. (Kitchen! Where FOOD IS PREPARED! Yet somehow we’ve lived to tell the tale.)
As to helper lady asking Owl instead of cheerfully declaring “Time to pee!”? Well. Oh, dear. Just that.
Oh, dear.
Yes, their home, like most Vancouver homes, has a nanny suite which people usually rent out to help cover the insane mortgage (daycare lady’s home must be at least a million dollars value). She uses hers as a daycare instead – kitchen, play room, bedroom, bathroom.
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