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So, my friend and I are trying to drum up clients for our dog training business.

I decided that it was time to get some Google Adwords.

I made this choice for three reasons:

1. Facebook ads had gotten us “likes” but no new clients

2. We are still abysmally low in Google search listings

3. I had one of those $100 free Adwords coupon cards.

So I went to the website that I was given on the card, but found that I couldn’t proceed. 

It asked me for my personal information, which I gave.

Then nothing happened.

There was no continue button. I tried pressing enter. Nothing worked.

WTF.

I thought maybe the site was down, so I waited a couple of hours and tried again.

Nope. Can’t proceed. Other links on the page sent me on to Adwords how-to pages and such, but I couldn’t actually go forward with my coupon redemtion/set up. I wondered if maybe it was a problem with my browser, and then I remembered that I use Google Chrome.

Obviously, since this was Google’s own browser, the form should work fine.

Fail.

But it’s okay – they provided a phone number for me to call, saying they would be happy to set up my ad for me, free of charge.

Fine. I hate interacting with humans, but whatever.

It rang twice and then I got disconnected.

It seems like such a scam – send people to a special offer site, have the special offer part not work, and then wait for people to sign up the regular way.

So I made a tweet about it.

I thought it might prompt Google into responding/fixing the problem, but I got zero response.

PH teased me that I clearly couldn’t use the internet, and assured me that he would figure it out when he had some time.

A couple of days later he sent me a text at work. He had figured out the problem:

The Google Ads offer site only worked on Internet Explorer. 

That’s right – Google’s site wasn’t working on GOOGLE CHROME. I had to switch to Internet Explorer to frigging proceed with the form.

FAIL.

So then I go and jump through all the hoops to get signed up and redeem my dang coupon. I logged in with the same email address that I use for my business’s Google+/Google Places page, for obvious reasons. I also clicked the option they gave me to keep all my Google stuff together, rather than trying to separate adwords from the rest of my stuff. After all, I was using my professional email address.

Then it asked me if I wanted to associate my ad with a Google+ page.

You’d think they wouldn’t even make it an option. Google has been shoving Google+ down everyone’s throats to minimal success. You’d think they would INSIST on any business trying to use Google Ads having a Google+ business page.

But anyway, I checked that yes, I did want to include a link to our page. It asked me for a link to the page.

You’d think that since I was logged in with the owner’s email for that page that it would just go “Oh, hey, this is the business page associated with this business address!” and fill it in automatically.

BUT NO.

So whatever.

I find my Google + business page and insert the link into the entry box.

Invalid link.

What? This is the same link that I shared on my business facebook page and it works fine. It’s the same link ON OUR WEBSITE.

I try again.

Invalid link.

I take out the slashes at the end of the address and just use the basic format of https://plus.google.com/MY-NUMBER

Invalid link.

There is no additional information telling me how to acquire the correct link or what it should look like. No help boxes.

Fine, Google, I WON’T link to the Google+ page. I’ll just link direct to my own website.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?

Bringing up the Google+ page, which I had almost forgotten about since it doesn’t come up in searches easily, even if you search for our business name (you find our website, but not the Google+ page) reminded me that I had meant to strike our address from the visible listing.

My friend had  told me that one of our clients showed up at my door thinking she could walk in and talk to us, and then realized it was a private residence.

So once I was done setting up the damn adwords sans Google+ address, I went back to the Google+ page and edited the listing by checking the box to NOT include my address in the listing.

I refreshed. Address still there.

I tried again.

STILL THERE.

Again!

OH HAI.

Eff this. I’ll figure it out later.

But wait a minute.

Why is it offering me a link telling me that there are no Google Ads set up for this page?

Oh, well, after all, I couldn’t give the direct link. Maybe it’ll work better in CHROME this time (crazy idea, I know). So I click the link to take me to Adwords.

It tells me I have no ads or campaigns set up.

That’s strange, since I have an account sitting open in Explorer with my campaign and everything still there.

I’m signed in to professional google email in both browsers.

As far as I can tell, while it may allow me to log in to adwords using this email, Google doesn’t seem to have actually associated my Adwords account with my existing stuff, DESPITE MY CHECKING THE OPTION TO DO JUST THAT.

Now I know why even Google doesn’t use Google +.

FAIL, GOOGLE. 

*Please share this post to give Google a MINUS ONE*

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