Tags
anxiety, choice, employment, GAD, generalized anxiety disorder, jobs, life decisions, stress, worrying
I got the damn job.
To make it worse, the lady offering me the job is so NICE. She says that they are “excited to have me joining the team” and “looking forward to seeing me” and that she will arrange my schedule to be sure that I am out before my daycare closes.
Yes, that’s right, I’m COMPLAINING about how NICE she is.
“Carol always manages to find the cloud in the silver lining,” PH said over the phone to my mother today, which made her burst out laughing.
Let me walk you through my mind:
In order to determine how I feel about something NOW, I need to know how I will feel about it in the future. I’m afraid to be happy about something now if I think there may be a chance I might regret it later. So here are the future scenarios running through my mind:
Scenario A: Maybe I’ll love the people at this job, and won’t be offered the awesome charity job that would be perfect for me. I will be overworked from trying to work full time at my job PLUS the dog training business, and never see my family, but at least I will like my workplace.
Scenario B: Maybe I’ll love the people at this job, and will ALSO be offered the awesome charity job that would be perfect for me. Then I’ll have to choose between a full time job in a setting I don’t like but with awesome coworkers, and disappointing people who have been awesome to me and who I enjoy working with in order to pursue a more “ideal” job that may or may not pan out.
Scenario C: Maybe I’ll find myself in a similar situation to last time – feel incompetent, feel disliked, be generally unhappy. I won’t get the other job either, and I’ll just tough it out until the dog training business gets big enough that I can quit.
Scenario D: Maybe I will feel incompetant but then get the other job, and will leave feeling like a failure but at least I’d be going to a more “ideal” job.
Scenarios A and D are preferable, and I still dislike both of them.
I didn’t sleep much last night. I’m near tears most of the time. PH is alternately worried about me and frustrated as hell with my I’m-doomed attitude.
I can’t help it.
The future just… scares me. I have no idea if things are going to be okay.
If By Yes 
Scenario E: The other four scenarios play out simultaneously in parallel universes. Has the advantage of not meriting any anxiety on your part, and the disadvantage of being speculative/unfalsifiable.
But seriously, congratulations on the job – stop worrying and break out the booze 🙂
God bless you, quantum mechanics!
Hey, booze – I should try that. It’s been forever.
i have to preface this saying that i don’t know anything about anxiety disorders so please forgive me if my advice is the complete opposite of what therapists recommend doing.
i am happy you were offered the job! looking back over the past months you were worried about not having money, not being able to pay daycare, not actually needing daycare etc.
what i see in this current job offer is your chance to get it right in a vet setting. it sounds like the people you would be working with are nice, understand that you have a little one you are worried about and who determines your hours to some extent, and who know the places you have worked before and how these messed up your confidence.
as of now you don’t know about the “ideal job” so stop worrying about a what if situation that is not there yet!
make a list of pro and cons and then weigh them and make your decision.
Thanks!
Oh Carol…congratulations on the job, but I sort of know how you feel. Something I’ve found helpful in these situations (though it could just be chirpy and irritating, depending on how you look at it) is a phrase one of my husband’s friends used when I was fixed in one place and we were worried he was about to get a job in another place: “It would be a good problem to have.” He was acknowledging it would be a problem, but it would be a problem we’d encounter from a position of strength – we’d have to choose between our opportunities. And, basically, it’s just better to get a job than not (especially in academia, where the labour force is increasingly casualised).
I would say…go for it. I think in a more positive environment you would enjoy being a vet tech. But what effect would it have if you were honest with the people at the new veterinary surgery and told them you were also waiting to hear about another job? Do they already know about it? What time frame have you been given for accepting? And can you chase up the charity and say you have another opportunity and need to know either way from them as soon as possible? I can’t remember if you’ve already interviewed for that one.
Yes, that’s a good phrase to keep in mind, and I’ve been trying to do just that since I read your comment. Good problem. GOOD PROBLEM.
And no, the charity job is still at the waiting-for-them-to-review-my-resume phase, so I don’t want to risk my relationship with my new boss by letting her know I could walk.
On the bright side, she’s paying me less until I pass the probation period, and that makes me feel a little better. It means she’s being cautious about me, too.
Oh. Em. Gee. You sound so much like me! LOL! (When Chris came home two weeks ago, he was so excited to tell me they finally put him on days which I’ve been wanting forever. He was especially excited that it was starting right away. I disappointed him because I was like “Really? NOW? Ugh.” He didn’t get it, but I was worried about the two daytime appointments we had booked for the next week, as well as upset that my plans to night-wean Jonah during his next string of eve shifts had gone completely out the window. It was the timing, and the fact that I had made plans around the current schedule. He didn’t get it at all.)
Anyway…I like kenanddot’s advice to let them know about the other opportunity and that you may take it if it’s offered. But I think you should definitely give this a try. It really will be okay, even if it doesn’t work out.
Good luck!
Grass is always greener, right?
I’m so happy for you that you have do many options to choose from!! And all of those options include thing you love:).
It would be so nice to have someone point you in the direction of most success and happiness, but that would be boring. At least this way you get the satisfaction of knowing YOU made the right it wrong choice for yourself. And in the end, we make the best of our choices.
You’re also forgetting option E: win the 649! 🙂
Option E is definitely the best!
Well my dear, I can certainly empathize, having felt a similar way before…and yet, here is the reality: the future is never as scary once it arrives. If it is, you make a decision, as humans when faced with ugly with fight or flight, we don’t stay in ugly.
In other news, new vet sounds like a keeper. Treat the relationship as well as you have already and she might just redeem a vets/employers for you. And help you rebuild the wreckage angry vet did to you as a tech and a certain charity did to you as a human being.
Breathe easy…be well….Love you!
Yes, today never freaks me out quite as much as tomorrow…
OHHH man. I can echo a few peoples’ sentiment that I have felt the same way. Your feelings are a little more extreme than mine, but still in a similar vein.
Here’s the thing: There’s no guarantee that any situation will work out. Let me tell you a brief story. For a little while, I wanted to work in the movies. I was offered the chance to work in the movies around the same time that I was offered the position at a certain charity. I fretted for days about what to do, but eventually decided to go for the charity. The charity turned out to be crazy, but… the animals on the movie set all got really sick and some even died.
Neither option was perfect. Life isn’t perfect, and neither are we. Stop searching for perfection. Accept that you can make mistakes, then allow yourself forgiveness. You could turn down the vet job and take the “perfect” charity job, only to find out that the charity people are just as crazy as the last. You did what you thought was best. That’s okay.
And remember that there is NO situation where everyone involved is happy. You always disappoint someone. Choose who you disappoint. So what if you take the vet job and then get offered the charity job later? If you want to take it, take it. Either way, someone is disappointed. Both jobs wanted you because you have lots to offer them. Take the compliment and think of what’s best for you. Maybe you should think about it more like if you’re unhappy you’re disappointing those that love you.
Hmm, yes. Choose who I disappoint. Myself? :-p
TOTALLY missed the point 😛
I understand where you are coming from- I was in a very similar situation two summers ago, and it was a very frustrating and stressful time. I made a decision based on a perfect position being just in reach, but in the end the decision did not pan out…oops. And then I ended up being unemployed and living with my mother for over a year, and so eventually even EI ran out and it sucked and I felt like a loser. But, the world did not crumble around me, and I was not unemployed forever and I did not live at my mom’s forever. Because most decisions we make are not permanent. If you work for nice vet and it turns out it was not the best decision for you, that’s okay- other more ideal positions will come up in the future that you can apply for and will get. And if it turns out you love it there- well then great! And if you decide to turn it down in hopes that the ideal job, which is just in reach, will pan out- then that’s okay. If it works out, great, and if not that’s okay too. It is not a forever decision. The future is mold-able; don’t let it terrify you!
I wish I actually could mold the future. I’d get my hands on that thing and squish it flat.
I’ll just be Pollyanna and tell you that things will be okay.
You’re only a Pollyanna if you tell me that this is Just WONDERFUL! :-p
Take the vet job! At the least, if you are offered the charity position, and then want to quit, you know that the vet already has a very current list of other applicants that they can pull from to fill your vacant position and you will have the added bonus of knowing a bit how much you like the job to weigh the cost/benefit of quitting for the unknown of the charity. Since you will (presumably) hear about the charity position soon, it really wouldn’t leave the vet in much of a lurch if you suddenly quit- they would just go to their (likely pre-determined) second choice from this recent pool of applicants without having to go through a lengthy search for qualified people. So you get the safety of having a good job for now with the knowledge that you really wouldn’t be inconveniencing anyone much if you quit later for the charity position. Also it gives you more time to investigate the charity should you want more information about them. This option gives you both knowledge of your circumstances and the power to change them. And we all know Knowledge is Power! (Yo Joe!)
Yes, I’m definitely taking the bird in the hand. But I hate the idea of switching for those two in the bush… and also hate the idea of MISSING the two in the bush!