I’m very tired today.
Owl had a bad night, and I think I got a grand total of three hours of sleep. As a result, I was especially dopey at work today.
It wasn’t a BAD day. I didn’t make any huge screw ups. The new vet is nice enough. But every little correction or direction he gives me hits me right in the self esteem.
He says:
“Can you just put the lube onto gauze first, instead of directly onto the thermometer? It’s more sterile.”
I hear:
“You’re filthy, stupid, and must have been trained by chimpanzees.”
He says:
“Can you remember to close that door when there’s a dog in there? The yapping noise drives me crazy.”
I hear:
“You can’t even walk through a door right.”
Clearly,I still have a lot of anxiety around work.
I feel like everyone there sees me as incompetent. I have no idea whether that interpretation is accurate.
I have a lot to say about self perception and competance, but tonight is not that night.
All I can say is that it’s no doubt the tiredness talking, but…
I feel valueless.
A least where work is concerned.
I wish that I could just go to work and just get EVERYTHING completely and totally right, and come home feeling good about myself.
If By Yes 
I think you need to remind yourself that you, like everyone else you work with, are human. No one, including yourself, should expect you to be perfect.
If you were the vet and had to remind a technician of a more sterile way to perform a task, would you think the technician was incompetent, or simply needed a hint to help him/her perform a task better?
In the past, when living with roommates, I’ve had to tell people to do certain things like close the kitchen door when they leave, otherwise the dog finds a way of getting into the garbage. I don’t expect people to know to do that intuitively, or even remember the first few times. But if it’s a couple of weeks later and I *still* have to remind the person every day to close that damn door so my dog doesn’t get sick from eating garbage…well, then I begin to think maybe the person is incompetent.
I guess my point is- unless you need to be reminded constantly to do something a certain way, I doubt anyone thinks you’re incompetent. In fact, given how quick you are to correct your mistakes and not repeat them, your co-workers are likely to be impressed by your eagerness to do your best and learn from your mistakes, which is the exact kind of employee everyone wants.
I hope you’re right!
Your hair is very shiny today. And you look marvelous.
(Don’t beat yourself up.)
LOL thank you!
Girl, I hear ya. I have the exact same feelings whenever I’m corrected. I don’t WANT to feel like that, but I can’t seem to make my brain stop. It sucks.
That being said, I highly doubt anyone actually thinks you’re incompetent. Not at all!
I keep trying to remember Dumbledore, telling Hagrid “if you’re holding out for universal popularity, you’ll be in this cottage for a very long time.”
Perfect! Dumbledore was a wise man. Er, character.
Like Santa.
Aw, that’s awful. It’s hard to regulate our feelings when we’re sick and tired. The great thing about being a mom is that your child always thinks you’re the best. Suddenly what went wrong at work no longer matters. But I hope you get rest and feel more valued at work. Take care!
It’s true. It’s going to suck when he hits 13 and realizes what a bumbling fool I am.
Everyone has those days of feeling completely inadequately and stupid. Don’t worry you’re exhausted brain is projecting and reading way more into things than is actually there.
Thanks. I’m sure you’re right. It’s so hard to convince oneself of that, isn’t it?
I hope that today was a much better day. And I bet Owl thinks you’re the best at everything.
It’s true, but he thinks he’s pretty clever when he can correctly locate his own nose.
Heyyy, perhaps because its the first time you’re back at work as a Mother? You can’t devote yourself entirely to your job because of your other (more important!) motherly duties and you seem like the kind of person who gives your all to anything, so maybe you’re struggling to balance your two new roles? I feel like I shouldn’t be saying this since I hardly know you, but you’re such a great member of the DoCo and everyone there respects all the advice you give, so you SHOULD feel like you’re the best, ‘cos you are! 🙂
I really came here to send you this link: http://io9.com/5872490/if-famous-writers-had-written-twilight Hope you makes you feel better! 🙂 (NOT SPAM, but related to twilight-bashing, kinda)
I do think that baby-brain is making a difference. My focus is definitely split, and I’m often sleep deprived. Basically, I go to work “drunk” most days…
Thanks for the link, it’s brilliant!
When I’m sleep-deprived, I think that the world hates me and omigosh! I insulted my mom friend! We’ll get kicked out of the playgroup! Omigosh! I explained that concept poorly! I’ll get fired!
So I get where you’re coming from. Unfortunately, the only solution I’ve found is more sleep. Sometimes a really hot shower helps me.
I find it interesting how the negative self thoughts that characterize depression increase when I’m tired. I wonder what the connection is?
I have this problem all the time, sleep-deprived or not. It’s a tough one to overcome and I’ve not yet figured out the solution. No advice, just a sympathetic ear.
If I ever find the secret, I’ll be sure to let you know.
I find it really scary how much sleep deprevation can affect you, mental health-wise. I find it comforting to know, though, that my present sad state is mostly due to that, and eventually I will sleep again, and on that day I will feel 1000 times better. And so will you.
Let’s all sleep tonight.