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Remember the good old days, when spam used to mindlessly flatter you in order to flog the links and products that it was trying to disseminate?

My spam all used to be stuff like this:

You understand therefore considerably in terms of this matter, made me individually consider it from a lot of various angles. Its like men and women are not interested until it’s one thing to accomplish with Girl gaga! Your individual stuffs great. All the time take care of it up!

And I’d be like “Well, that has absolutely nothing to do with my family history, which is what this post was about, but thanks, random spammer!”


But lately it’s started to change.

Some of the posts were just… more neutral. Like this one:

I found this quote very fitting “Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.” — Louis E. Boone

Um… thanks? Are you calling me a coward? HOW SHOULD I INTERPRET THIS, MISTER ENLARGE-YOUR-PENIS?

Some would contain random ass-vice.

I suggest adding a facebook like button for the blog!

Thanks, Miss Elliptical Machine Reviewer, I use what wordpress gives me, but whatever.

Then my spam took a definite downward turn. On PH’s rant on the misogyny of the 1930s, someone replied

Seriously? This post is mediocre in my opinion, just like carrot cake. I know you can do better :)

And yes, it came complete with the passive aggressive smiley face. I was like “WTF? Carrot cake is awesome and so is PH’s rare but wonderful writing.”

Then this one appeared on my Daycare-makes-my-baby-wear-a-hat-inside post:

In this grand design of things you secure a B- with regard to hard work. Exactly where you actually confused me ended up being on all the specifics….For right now I will subscribe to your point but wish in the foreseeable future you link the dots much better.

What is this, English class?

I give this spam comment a D- in the grand design of things, for general failure at making coherent sentences. The point where he confused me ended up being ALL THE SPECIFICS.

And then, AND THEN, this one arrived in my spam box:

This is pointless, why am I even reading it and not enjoying gulrotkake appelsin? I should learn to spend my time better.


You can’t argue with logic like that.