PH here. And boy howdy if I’m not slightly pissed off.

After reading this blog post and realizing just how amazing I was on the marital rating scale, I must admit I was feeling quite the cock of the walk. Especially as I realized, “20 points for giving my wife sufficient marital congress! GO ME!”

And then I thought, “…Wait. I get 20 points for giving her good bow-chikka-bow-wow, but she only gets 10 points for rocking my world? These numbers seem to be reversed. *scratches chin in confusion*”

Followed by, “Well, she must get extra points somewhere else that I’m not taking into consideration.

“…or is she?”

So I crunched the numbers. And I’m sorry to say this, ladies, but you got a bum rap in this test.

The maximum number of demerits a man can get is 90. The maximum demerits for a woman? 102. A swing of 12 points is enough to move you more than halfway down a category.

Okay, so women can get more merits than men to make up for that difference, yes?

Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft.

Assuming you have five children (because you get extra points for more children), the maximum merits a wife can earn is 125. For a childless couple, maximum merits is 100. That means that if you, as a woman, got all of the merits and all of the demerits, and you had five children, you’d score 23, making you a “failure”. If you were a childless couple, you’d score -2 – off the charts in negative territory. That’s how horrible you are, you nasty, nasty woman.

As for the men, the maximum merits a husband can earn is 161! (Assuming he takes his wife out on a date every night.) That means earning all of the merits and all of the demerits, a husband scores 71 – a very high “superior” score, just out of range of “very superior”. Even if the husband only takes his wife out once a week, his score is 41 – only one point away from “average”, and much better than the -2 the wife would get for a comparable answer set.

In order for a wife to get the same base assumption score that a husband gets, she would need to have 12 children. So, according to this author, it takes 12 kids to make a woman as important as a man.

Any less than that, and you are an inferior creation. Probably dirty, too.

So yeah – husbands, don’t let your heads get too swelled by this test. The game is rigged, and rigged hard. 

…BUT I STILL WIN. 😛