I had an appointment with my shrink yesterday.
She said that they often try taking people off of their meds a year after the baby is born, but she didn’t think that I was ready, especially since I’m about to start a new job and you all know how WELL I deal with change! Not to mention that I get blue just thinking of losing my Babby time, and the fact that I develop anxiety when away from Babby for more than two or three hours.
I start next week, full time. It’s going to be FUN.
She was also intrigued by my new diet.
“Have you tried, just… moderation?” my shrink asked. (I hate it when people ask questions like this. Do they really expect me to say “No, I haven’t tried just eating less. What a great idea!“?)
“Yes. I gain weight.”
“You can’t do it?”
“No, I can’t, and on the rare occasion that I succeed, it doesn’t matter,” I said. “I gain weight if there are any simple sugars in my diet. But no, I can’t do moderation. One piece of bread leads to more. Always.”
“I thought that you said the Wellbutrin reduced your carb cravings?”
“It did.”
And I told her how it was before.
How, whenever I tried to cut out carbs, I would find myself near tears in the grocery store, looking longingly at the Olivieri pasta.
How, one time, when I couldn’t find the dregs of a bag of chips, I ransacked the entire house (including linen closets) trying to find it. It turned out that PH had finished the bag and thrown it away.
You know that Sex and the City episode, where Miranda takes cake out of the garbage and eats it? That was me.
The Wellbutrin DOES help.
I have passed day three of my no-carb diet, and I haven’t cried at all. Mind you, I’m not being overly strict. On Monday I ate PH’s Strawberry and Spinach salad, and on Tuesday we dipped our fried tofu in Sweet Chili Sauce, and yesterday I ate more tomato in my Greek Salad than would be ideal for “induction” Atkins.
But no bread, no pasta, no potatoes. That’s HARD. Especially since I am still giving Babby bread and fruit. I actually asked Perfect Husband to cut up Babby’s strawberries this morning, because I didn’t trust myself. As it was, when one piece got pushed out of Babby’s reach, I licked my fingers after handing it to him.
My cravings may be reduced, but they’re still there. In fact, in light of the fact that I don’t dare/want to do it more strictly than I am, I keep wondering if it’s even worth it.
I decided that if I hadn’t lost weight by today, I would give up.
I have lost two and a half pounds.
DAMN. That means I have to keep on this, because it may be starting to work.
Hell.
So, for motivation, here are some picures of me, before and after carbs:
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- Christmas 2002 – pre Atkins, 150 lbs
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- Christmas 2003, 4 months post Atkins, 126 lbs (PH says I was TOO thin then)
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- Spring 2004, on maintenance Atkins, 130 lbs
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- My first trip to Vancouver, 2006, 145 lbs
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- Wedding day, June 2008, 148 lbs
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- Early 2010, three months pregnant, 160 lbs, and gobbling ALL carbs ALL the time
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- August 2010, 213 lbs
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- This June, 175 lbs
Oh. I should do this. Sigh.
I did Atkins for a few months, and it worked really well… until I got the stomach flu and all I could eat were crackers. To say I fell off the low-carb wagon doesn’t begin to describe what happened! And then I just couldn’t get myself back on. I decided the problem wasn’t Atkins, but me: I really didn’t *want* to live the rest of my life on that regime.
Later, I went to Weight Watchers, lost 30 pounds, and have kept them off for four years now. I still have trouble with carbs. Particularly salty-fatty carbs. I can resist cakes and cookies, but crackers, bagels, chips? Much, much harder. However, WW gave me a framework for evaluating my choices, and it’s really worked for me. Some days I get tired of counting points, too, but I stick with it because it allows me to eat anything, so long as I balance it all out. For me, that’s preferable.
My point is not profound, only that you have to find the one you can live with long-term. (Though I’ll be honest: I do get tired of people claiming that one system or another ‘doesn’t work for me’, when what they really should be saying is that ‘I’m not working with it’ — like me and Atkins.) If Atkins is the one you can stick with forever, well, that’s the one for you!
Strict Atkins? Hell no. But remember that there are many stages of Atkins, and the “maintenance” phase isn’t too different from weight watchers. He recommends adding in carbohydrates until you find out how many you can eat in a day without gaining weight.
I discovered that I needed 40g a day, I gained. Once I had broken free of the addiction, keeping my carbs in the 30-40g range wasn’t hard, with occasional salty treats on the weekend, like popcorn or chips.
But yeah, once my boyfriend’s mother brought us that load of KD, I was doomed. I got hooked and that was the end.
My problem with WW is that they let you choose whatever you want within your set number of points. Much like Myfitnesspal.com, it goes on a basic calories in/calories out system. Problem is, if more than 30 g worth of calories come from carbs, I gain weight. The end. My metabolism seems weird that way. I could eat nothing but a bagel a day and not lose weight, it seems.
I’m starting to feel your pain. I’m on day one of South Beach (which, from what I’ve read of you Atkins, is quite similar)… I’m just about to clean the fridge of off limits foods, but I have two leftover pieces of pizza that would taste so good 😦
I’m sick of feeling crappy about myself and my clothes not fitting. This is my first dieting attempt which is more than just a resolution to eat better.
Here’s to willpower and determination for us both!
Ps. Good luck next week at work!
Good luck to you! It’s so hard to say no, but it does get better.
Also, I am starting to remember my old tricks… I don’t know if South Beach allows for this, but a good low carb dessert recipe is this:
Cream cheese
Artificial sweetener
Vanilla
Cocoa (optional)
Mix together. Tastes EXACTLY like cheesecake. Consistency of cream cheese, but TASTE of cheesecake. So delicious.
They have a similar dessert with ricotta instead of cream cheese.. I may have to try it tomorrow.
if you added an egg and baked that, it WOULD be cheesecake
And a crust.
I think you look adorable in all of your pictures. Before, after, and during carbs. But I’m glad it’s working if it makes you feel better!
I’m quite positive that I’m addicted to chocolate.
Like, textbook addictive behaviours kind of addicted.
I have learned that I am not capable of having a little chocolate. I will have ALL the chocolate. However ridiculously large that quantity is. I will not go into detail about what a bad idea it was the first year in our house to open the Halloween candy box early to have “just one.” Or the time that my husband’s aunt sent us home with a whole tin of leftover brownies from a social event. Realizing that I had entered actual addiction, with all the corresponding signs, was a little sobering for me. I keep thinking that someday surely I could just have a little, but so far that is not at all the case.
Good luck with your food changes. I hope that they work out well for you. I know how crazy hard that must be.
my shrink is forever telling me to try moderation. it makes me want to smack him.