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I can’t decide whether this is working or not. The second night Babby had caught on to our game, and was not so easily tricked into falling asleep. There was a lot of screaming, and singing, and rocking, and screaming.
Now, a week after we’ve started, I’m exhausted and I don’t know whether to feel encouraged, or discouraged.
Good News:
I have been fairly consistent about getting him to fall asleep off of the breast. I’d say a real lapse only happens once every couple of days or so.
Babby no longer bursts into heart broken tears when we lay him in the crib, and he no longer objects to being taken off of the breast and sung to sleep. GENERALLY speaking.
On several nights, like last night, Babby’s wake-ups have been much more spaced than usual, occurring after three hours stretches instead of the usual 1-2 hour stretch.
Often putting him down for nap time or after a wake-up at night takes no longer off the breast now than it did when he was on the breast. Sometimes, it’s even faster.
On multiple locations Babby has rolled over in his crib with his BACK to me and laid there quietly until eventually drifting off into sleep.
For both his naps yesterday, at bed time, and all three wake-ups in the night, Babby drifted off to sleep on his own while staring at his seahorse while I just sat and hummed in the gliding rocker.
Bad News:
There are sometimes nights like the night before last, where he has woken up every hour and then taken an hour or more to go back down EACH TIME.
Sometimes the long sessions are because he won’t stop screaming and kicking his feet, and other times they’re just because he has decided that he would rather play in his crib than sleep, but then starts to scream if we just walk out and leave him to it.
I swear, when he rolls over and gets up and then SMILES at me while standing in his crib, it’s more frustrating than the screaming. If I could just find a way to stop him from FRIGGING STANDING UP, I would thank God on my knees.
If he is lying quietly on his side with his back to me, I can’t tell when he’s really asleep, and if tip-toe out the room before he is properly asleep, he starts to scream and we have to start ALL OVER AGAIN.
The thing that is really frustrating is that everyone talks about teaching him to soothe himself, etc etc.
Well, what if the problem is that he doesn’t want to be soothed? Babby just doesn’t WANT to sleep. He fights it at every pass. Remember when he was a newborn and wouldn’t sleep for EIGHT HOURS AT A TIME?
He has a million tricks for keeping himself awake and he uses them even when he’s sobbingly, eye-rubbingly tired. He seems to think that if he falls asleep, God will eat him.
There’s the kicking feet trick, which he does much the same way I might jiggle my leg to keep myself awake on the road late at night.
There’s the flailing arm trick, which he uses the same way.
The most annoying trick is the Lazarus trick – just as we think we’ve gotten him to sleep, an arm shoots out, grabs the rail of his crib, and then he just, like, HAULS himself out of unconsciousness as he pulls himself to standing FROM HIS SLEEP.
Perfect Girlfriend, who has raised her own child plus multiple siblings, says she has seen babies who can’t soothe themselves, but never a baby that just HATED sleep like Babby does.
So, should I be encouraged by nights like last night, where he woke up three times but in three hours spaces and went to sleep without too much fuss, or discouraged by nights like the night before last, where he was up constantly and fighting sleep like his life depended on it?
So. Tired.
Be encouraged by the good nights. Sleep training does not happen overnight (ha, that’s sleep deprivation humour) and look, what is the alternative? Also not acceptable to you, and at least this way when he *eventually* gets the hint, everyone will sleep. Promise.
And oh, the standing? And the leg kicking? And the arm waving? is not actually unusual. I knew a kid who would slap herself in the face when she started drifting off. Honestly.
Hang in there. I know how frustrating it all is. But don’t give up!
Oh, Babby has always done the face slapping thing – it’s one of the things that the sleepy suit helps prevent. But it was always a reflexive thing, like a clonic jerk. But the deliberate pulling self up stuff drives me batty!
I’d be encouraged. The bad stuff was happening all along, right? So that’s his default. But the good stuff hadn’t happened before. He’s learning new patterns! Truly, he is!
About the standing. That can be prevented by bundling. I know I’d suggested that before, and there was some reason it didn’t work which I can’t recall, but it’s the only solution to that problem I know, short of sewing the knees of his sleeper to the mattress.
And now to say what you probably already know… what would you tell puppy-trainers who said they only let puppy do something they’re trying to train out every couple of days?
I know, I know, it’s not good enough. But I console myself with:
a) It is only ever in the mornings, when PH brings him to me in bed. Most mornings he’s full of vim and just nurses off and on while clambering around my head, but every now and then he actually dozes off for fifteen minutes or so.
b) I can’t help it – sometimes I just lose consciousness after a long night.
But I’m definitely working on it.
Stay encouraged and hang in there, you are doing the right thing!
I don’t think you can do much about the standing. When my two were smaller, during the day we would pretend to “rest, rest” and when they put their head on the pillow I would throw a party. Then in the middle of the night, when my brain thought of it I would say “rest, rest” and sometimes they would! Also, when they were climbing out of the crib we put mattresses on the floor and baby-gated them into their room. Joe and I continue to suffer from “baseline wretchedness” but fortunately for them, they make up for it during the day.
I’m totally trying to reward him for lying down! When he does, I start singing again. When he sits up, he stops.
Of course, this relies on him actually LIKING my singing… hmm
I’m with Mary P. on the bundling. The youngest one over here couldn’t figure out how to stand up in his beloved ‘sleep sack’ (that he now sleeps with as a lovie) until about 18 months or so. Maybe using a wearable blanket like that would be enough to keep Babby at least stuck sitting if not lying down?
Do those sleep sacks work? Because Babby breaks out of every swaddle now, and his sleepy suit, which “bundles” him during his daytime naps, is too hot for extended (i.e. nighttime) use.
But the sleep sacks don’t seem to do anything about the arms, so I didn’t see the point to them…
Yes, only the newborn sizes have an arm swaddler attachment (for the Halo sleep sack) and I doubt Babby could squeeze into one of those. The reason the little one couldn’t stand up in his is because it’s like a sleeping bag with arm holes and he couldn’t figure out his feet inside the extra fabric. He did figure it out eventually, but it was too much effort at first to coordinate himself in any movement more complicated than sitting up. The sleep sack worked long term to keep him snuggly and safe, but it’s not a swaddle. There are some other pouch-type blankets like the Ergopuoch that can swaddle up to 12 months and presumably longer for a smaller baby if you’re comfortable with him having his arms bundled. Some little ones really need those arms to get themselves free from strange positions. You would know best about that for Babby, I’m sure!
Woombie! That’s the one I’ve heard of with the large sizes and the snaps so Babby can have arms free or not as you feel safest. I remembered!
I’ll look into it! Yes, I have a feeling, especially now that he can roll, that some arm movement is good. But since his ability to roll and push up is the source of our need for him to be bundled… it’s a catch 22, isn’t it?
Yes indeedy. I bet a Halo is loose enough that he could move a bit even if you sewed the arm holes shut. If you see an inexpensive one at a consignment sale or something it might be worth a shot…
Heh. Baby reminds me of myself in my twenties, when I would go to any after-party around just to avoid going to sleep when the bars closed. Something exciting might happen and I would miss it! The horror!
Just reinforces my idea that children are often strikingly similar to drunks.
I totally agree with that analogy. Tiny drunken adults. And the smaller they are, the drunker they act.
It sounds like you’re headed in the right direction. I would keep at it. All kids have their off nights. The Girl used to do the standing up thing too, and I would just keep laying her down until she gave up. I tried doing the singing while she was laying down, and stopping when she stood up, but she thought it was awesome. Picture a kid with a on/off button on a tape recorder.
Oh dear.
Hello!
I stumbled upon your lovely blog. Boy, do I relate! Nighttime parenting is hard work. Sleep-deprivation is never-ending. But it will get better, I promise. As your friend says, the key is consistency.
My little guy was consistent too: he doesn’t sleep well, consistently. I know all about bad sleep and I wrote a blog about it. Check it out here: http://angelsofbabysleep.wordpress.com/ Maybe there’s something in there, under “Basic Tips”, that can help you.
In any case, things will improve. Remember, two steps forward and one step back is still progress!
Take care,
Karla
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