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You know how sometimes you’re in the grocery store and you see something surprising (like, oh, to take a totally random example, Yogurt Soda), and decide that you totally want to spend the four dollars to find out exactly what it tastes like?

That is a universal feeling, right?

…So we happened to be in the grocery store yesterday and Perfect Husband was like “look, Yogurt Soda!”

and I was like, “I AM TOTALLY CURIOUS AND WANT TO BUY THIS PRODUCT. Should I get Original, or Mint?”

And PH. was like, “…are you serious?”

This is why I don’t normally make the decisions in our household.

I like Yogurt. I like Soda. How could this go wrong?

I thought it’d be a little like Yop. Fizzy Yop. With less sugar, since the only ingredients were yogurt (with bacterial culture!), carbonated water, and salt.

“It’s low carb!” I wheedled.

So we get home and I pour myself a fizzing glass of this fascinating new dairy product. Sure, Yogurt Soda seemed like an odd idea, but it’s clearly Indian/Middle Eastern in origin, and they make delicious yogurt drinks. PH is especially a fan of Mango Lassis. So maybe they were on to something!

you know you want to drink this

I didn’t expect it to be good, per se, but I thought it would be interesting.

Well, potable, at least.

What I didn’t expect – perhaps because one’s imagination can only stretch so far – was to recieve a mouthful of sour, curdled, death. SALTY, sour, curdled death. WITH FIZZ.

“But Carol,” some of you argue, “you don’t even drink milk. How do you know what curdled milk tastes like?”

Ok, I don’t. But I know what my baby’s puked-up stomach contents smell like, and this tasted like those smell. Only salty. And fizzy.

Kind of like baby puke in sea water. WITH FIZZ.

“But Carol,” others may point out, “It’s yogurt. That basically is sour milk.”

Okay, but I ate plain yogurt for breakfast just that morning, and its smell did not automatically turn my stomach. The memory of that plain yogurt does not haunt my dreams. That yogurt wasnt salty. Or fizzy. And it was, oh what’s the word…

Oh, right!

EDIBLE.

Then I made PH taste it, totally against his will, because until you have tried this, you don’t understand. It makes Buckley’s cough syrup seem delicious. Garbage? Divine.

Oh, you think you can imagine it, but you can’t.

Maybe the next time you sniff the milk carton and realize that the kids have been drinking directly from it, and that it now smells like the sour contents of an infant’s stomach, you could add some salt to it, pour in a dollop of club soda, and discover it for yourself.

But since PH and I spent the next hour eating anything we could find which was not Yogurt Soda, desperately trying to banish the memory from our tastebuds…

I don’t recommend it. 

Unless you want to try the mint and report back to me. I can’t. PH would probably divorce me if I suggested it.

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