Tags
aliens, anxiety, bissel, carnivals, dogs, exposure, exposure therapy, fairs, fear, noise, photos, socialization, training, vacuums
We got a new vacuum the other day.
Finally.
Our old vacuum, a Bissel specially designed for picking up pet hair, has been sitting unused for the greater part of a year. I have only dragged it out and switched it on when the cat litter spilled or when the fur levels on the carpet upstairs had reached our knees.
It was a great vacuum once upon a time. In our old apartment, which largely featured open space, it sucked things up great. However,
- It was never really the same after PH decided to deal with the Spot Incident by soaking up vegetable oil with cornstarch and then vacuuming up the goopy mess
- Our new house has about the same square footage of our old apartment, but split onto two floors, with stairs in between. There are no wide open spaces. Only corners. And crevices.
Suddenly big-and-heavy-and-filled-with-goop was no longer appropriate for our household. PH knew we needed a new vacuum, but kept putting it off, because, well, we don’t have any money.
Last week we went out and picked up a Bissel EasyVac for 40- bucks, and it runs great. It’s small, lightweight, no-frills, but it gets in the corners and gets the fur off of the floor.
However, it doesn’t run as smoothly as our old massive vac. PH was holding Babby when I flipped it on for its inaugeral run, and Babby startled noticeably and started to fuss while clutching his father’s shirt.
This is really the first significant fear reaction we have ever seen in Babby. Sure, he startles to loud noises – he even did that in the womb – but he had always recovered quickly. The old vacuum never bothered him, on the rare occasions that we lugged it out and dragged it along the floor.
But he’s getting older, and this one clearly freaked him out.
Now, I’ve never had a baby before, but I know what to do when dogs are scared of something:
- Acknowledge their feelings with moderate sensitivity. Scolding a fear reaction or totally ignoring it doesn’t help anyone feel validated. Don’t coddle or get overly mushy, though, because if you’re like “oohh, poor Doggy, it’s scary isn’t it? Yes, let me pat you and take you away from that,” they’ll assume that it means that it really IS scary and their fears are totally justified. So instead you say, “oh, are you scared? It makes a big noise, doesn’t it?” in a sympathetic but cheery voice.
- Smile to show them that you aren’t scared of it, and preferably demonstrate its harmlessness by approaching the fear object yourself and interacting with it.
- Encourage – but do not force – the dog to approach the object. We often use treats tossed near the vacuum, for example, or just sitting by it and encouraging the dog to approach US.
- Never remove the fear object or take the dog further away from it until the dog has managed at least a partial recovery. Otherwise the dog will learn that reacting fearfully makes the object go away, and they will also always remember the object as scary.
Perfect Husband has seen me deal with fear reactions in dogs before, not to mention helping me through my anxiety exposure therapy CBT, so we immediately began to treat Babby’s fear in the same way we treat mine/a dog’s. We didn’t even have to discuss it. We’re a well oiled machine. A well oiled fear-fighting machine.
He hugged Babby and said “Oh, is that big noise scaring you? It’s just a vacuum. Look! Wow!”
I smiled at Babby and moved the vacuum around and said “Oh, it makes a big noise, so you’re scared, but it won’t hurt you. See, it’s a vacuum! I’m using it! Wheee!”
As I went around the room talking to Babby happily, PH slowly approached closer and closer. He stopped if Babby acted too frightened, and then once Babby relaxed a bit, inched yet closer again. By the time I turned off the vacuum, Babby was right next to the vacuum (still in the loving safety of Daddy’s arms) and starting to relax. You could tell he still wasn’t pleased, but at least he wasn’t trying to climb his father like a tree.
We have noticed several similar fear reactions to loud noises since. So we think it’s time to start socializing him. If we want to avoid his picking up on my anxiety, we need to raise him with the CBT skills that I had to be taught in adulthood:
- approach your anxieties, instead of running away.
So when we saw that the Midway had set up at the local mall, we decided to take Babby. Sure, he couldn’t go on any of the rides (they wouldn’t even let us get on the sedate choo-choo train that went around an oval track a 5 km an hour which the conductor could stop with his hand and that had a sign saying “everybody welcome!”) but we figured it was good socialization just to be around all the noise and bustle. We always used to take dogs to the fair for the same reason.
So we loaded Babby into my new rebozo and walked around.
"Where are you taking me?"
As we predicted, the noise freaked him out. He was clinging tightly to me. He especially disliked that one that goes up and spins and holds everyone to its sides by centripetal force. I told him I don’t like that ride either.
"Eeewww. It makes NOISE."
But I hugged him and told him that it was cool and pretty, rather than scary, and showed him that I wasn’t actually afraid of it (which is only partially true – I wouldn’t get on that thing if you paid me) and we walked all around and ate corn dogs and he began to relax.
"Not scary, huh? Hmm."
Then PH tried to win stuffed animals for me, as he usually does. He eventually gave up trying to win the GIGANTIC fluffy penguin toy, which would have taken up a quarter of Babby’s room but would have made me inexplicably happy, and eventually just won a stuffed alien that I liked, because it reminded me of my little Babby.
"Whadya mean, it looks like me?"
"Oh"
So, all in all, it was a productive day.
If By Yes 
Ha, it does look like him! That’s awesome! Little green babby.
We always took our boys all kinds of places when they were little, and we’ve never regretted it. They are more comfortable in noisy public places than I am, frankly. And it forces us outside of our comfort zone, too.
They really emphasized that in CBT class. Basically, if doing something made you uncomfortable or anxious, you should do it.
*shudder*
Hubby & I both have our phobias, but we’re trying really hard not to put them onto the boys. I don’t like enclosed spaces or tunnels. He doesn’t like crowds or heights. So, the summer before last we took them to the CN Tower & a Jays game – and we travelled to & from the hotel by subway.
And this summer we’re doing it again. *hyperventilates quietly into paper bag*
My Dad has a phobia of snakes (which he got from his mother, which she got from her mother…) but I had NO IDEA growing up. When my mother called me out to see the grass snake she had found, and let me hold it, I didn’t notice that my Dad was no where around. When we went to Singapore and a man at a trade show put a big python around my neck, again, I didn’t notice that my Dad had melted into the crowd.
I am not afraid of snakes.
I think I just need to print out your whole blog and put it in a binder for future reference. Genius.
However, then I would feel the need to apply the lessons to myself, and there is NO WAY I am approaching a flock of birds. Or clowns. Or men in windowless vans. Or…
Great. Then, depending on my success, you can label it “what to do” or “what NOT TO DO”.
As for approaching worrying stuff – That was my basic reaction in CBT class.
I make myself watch CSI for the dead bodies. Does that count?
Aw, I love the death grip he’s got on you shirt in those pictures!
I got my social anxiety under control by working as a cashier for 3 years. Maybe I need to work in an outbound call centre to get over my fear of the phone?
PS-That will never happen.
Some things just aren’t worth it!
Cool idea! I’ve read about doing that with dogs, so it makes a lot of sense.
Liam was scared of the vacuum very briefly, and then became obsessed with the damn thing. Like, if he even saw it, he HAD to use it. Same with brooms and mops. They all had to be hidden away for most of his second year. Weirdo kid.
I’d let him go to – clean, small child, clean!
Oh, we did! And it was great at first, but then became… strange. Like, he’d get so worked up about it, he’d start to freak out instead of enjoying it but would freak out more when you took it away. It was strange times, I tells ya.
He still loves to help, though, and mostly does it without issues now, which is awesome. Dude can fold diapers and put away his laundry like nobody’s business!
Child labour is a wonderful thing.
Funny story! The title caught my eyes lol All the best!
When I was younger, I used to be scared of the vacuum as well. My family solved it by giving it a name. If the vacuum is not “the vacuum”, but in fact “Svensson”, surely that makes it less scary? I don’t know, it seemed to work, although I’ve always been reluctant to do any cleaning. *cough*
That ultrasound picture is freaky. You could show that to one of those magazines and tell them “I WAS PREGNANT WITH AN ALIEN FROM OUTER SPACE!” and they’d probably buy it! 😉