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So, apparently diaphragms are très passé in gynecological circles. The doctor was all like “ugh, no one uses those any more. All the cool kids get IUDs these days.”




When I pushed a bit she kept saying things like “you do know you have to put it in before intercourse each time? And take it out again the next day? And you have to put spermicide in them? And they fail 30% of the time?” and I was all like “but it’s safe and non-hormonal and after all, we want more kids anyway.”

She eventually said they might have a demo kit in the back somewhere and if I insisted they could try it, but that she has never actually given a diaphragm to anyone in her whole history as a gynecologist and she really didn’t recommend it, if only because I am still losing weight after pregnancy and you need to refit and get a new one every time you lose five or ten pounds.

So I gave in and took the prescription for a flipping IUD. She reassured me that they are very safe, and that even if I do hit the 1/1000 chance of it burrowing through my damn uterus, it wouldn’t affect my ability to procreate. Since she is actually a specialist instead of a clueless nOOb like my GP, I’ve decided to trust her. She was nice enough and seemed to know what she was talking about, at least.

She told me to come back with the IUD when Aunt Flo comes to town, and basically warned me not to get knocked up in the mean time.

Thanks for the handy tip, Dr. Gooch.

At least I didn’t have to take my pants off and get prodded by a plastic duck’s bill.

That’s next time.