My anxiety has been coming back lately. I’m dealing with it as I’ve been taught: facing the thing that makes me anxious, instead of putting it off. Trying to accept the anxiety and let it in instead of pushing it away.
But I wish I knew why it has come back, or what it is even about.
I’m not anxious about anything in particular, most of the time. I just feel the tightness of it, clawing at me. Like there’s something important that I need to remember. So I try to remember it, and instead I dredge up all the minor to-dos on my mental list, which just add to my stress instead of helping to identify it.
It might be related to the fact that my old workplace has shoved its way into my life again in a highly stressful way. The issues don’t directly involve me, but they strongly affect me and people and dogs that I care about (I obviously can’t share it publicly, but if any of you want to know, send me an email and I’ll share what I can. I’d like to share it with someone, but I’m not idiotic enough to post it here).
If so, then it’s not so much the anxiety of this particular event but the ghost of anxieties past, come floating with the new troubles, like an old smell. Maybe it arrived with the news but it lurks around corners, emerging when I least expect it.
It’s mostly just when I’m alone. When I have Babby with me, I’m never anxious.
Tired? Sure.
Frustrated? Sometimes.
Joyful? Often.
Relaxed? Every time I nurse.
I feel bad for mothers who don’t breastfeed, because it’s practically impossible to be nursing ( when it’s well-established, I mean, not the first few weeks when it hurts like a mofo) and stressed at the same time. Hormones won’t let you. You might as well try to have a panic attack in a warm bubble bath with soft music playing.
Besides, how can you be anxious when you’re dealing with someone who makes this face?
😦 Sorry you’re feeling anxious.
On a separate note, hearing you describe that feeling sort of confirms for me that I am probably silly to doubt whether I have legitimate anxiety issues. I have that feeling all the time these days.
If you need to vent, let me know. I would be happy to listen.
Thanks. I’m sorry you’re sharing the feelings of suckness.
Boo. Hopefully, things turn around quickly.
(I LOVED the magical anti-anxiety drugs produced when nursing – BEST thing ever!)
I know. Lactation is AMAZING. I’m going to do it forever. I’ve decided.
Sorry to hear the old job is making you anxious again. I can totally relate to that, anyway. I got a piece of mail last week that was connected with The Contract From Hell (TM) and I had a panic attack just holding the envelope.
If you want to drop me an email to vent, feel free. Aside from being totally willing to listen, I already know the backstory from your old blog and am now curious as to how on earth they could possibly be causing you grief.
Hugs to you.
Thanks, I might.
Could be the pregnancy hormones dwindling and the “regular” ones returning?… I go through hormonal and emotional hell for a few months once my period comes back after birth until it regulates itself into a normal cycle. It sucks. (Going through it right now, and seriously losing my mind for a couple of weeks, then yo-yo-ing back to “normal” for a while, then back down into the suck again. Can’t wait till it’s over!)
Either way, hang in there!
Hmm, possibly. That’s worth wondering since Babby is going onto solid foods…
Now I need to read your back story on the job… Hugs to you. I, too, had anxiety resurface after 20 years and it SUCKED. You’re smart to face it and to recognize what might be triggering it. Feel free to email me if you need an ear. 🙂
Thanks, I will!
Oh dear, I hope this passes. Feel free to drop me an email. I’ve been meaning to get on skype this week but I’ve had quite a bit on the go. Soon!
Love you.
He is VERY cute. I hope the forces of cuteness and lovely lactation hormones utterly defeat the forces of anxiety and Old Job problems.