I had an appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday and she thinks I’m doing fine. I’m still on my original dose of Wellbutrin and she doesn’t want to change that.
Neither do I.
I guess that I am supposed to want to try to wean myself off of the Wellbutrin, to “gain independence from medication” and all that jazz. But quite frankly, I’m terrified that the depression will come back if we meddle with things, so I’m always relieved when she doesn’t suggest it. If it is still fixed, let’s not mess with the duct tape we used when it broke. You know?
I read on a forum that many depressed people have difficulty explaining to their significant others why they need the pills/therapy to deal with their problem. That made me think:
Do you think of depression as a disease?
You should. Some people do (mostly people who have suffered from it). Other people think of it as a fancy name for someone being mopey. Even though depression is a recognized medical condition, everyday people don’t think of it as such.
Isn’t that strange?
I mean, just like any other medical problem, mood disorders have a known etiology, recognized treatments, and even have medical doctors who specialize in the area. If I told you that I was going to see a cardiologist, or a podiatrist, or an oncologist, or a nephrologist, you’d think “Oh, she must have a medical condition” and you wouldn’t judge me as a person because of that.
But if I told you “I’m going to see a psychiatrist,” you’d think “oh, she must be crazy.”
People who seek help for mental disorders like depression or anxiety are perceived as weak. Many people, even those who try to be sympathetic and understanding, secretly feel that if you just pulled your socks up a bit, you’d be fine. But if you sought help for eczema, or poor vision, or ingrown toenails, or any other (much more trifling) matter, people wouldn’t think that you lacked willpower. They wouldn’t congratulate themselves on their superior moral fibre, capable of resisting such afflictions.
Quite frankly, mood disorders are simply not taken very seriously by most people. Chances are that some part of you, or someone you know, secretly believes that depression is just a form of laziness, best cured by “sucking it up.”
And yet, people die of depression. We call it suicide, but that’s really what suicide is – dying from depression. Nor is it as simply treated as many other diseases. Our brain is our most vital, most irreplaceable organ. You can transplant a heart or liver or kidney. You can even temporarily cover for these organs with bypass and dialysis machines. But you can’t transplant a brain. Nor can you run someone’s thoughts through a machine to cleanse them of debris. We can cure leprosy and unblock arteries and even return severed digits to their rightful places, but we can’t stop the progress of Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s disease.
So why do we take psychiatric conditions so lightly?
Why are people inclined to think that you lack moral fibre, just because you have a chemical imbalance in your central nervous system?
Why do these same people, when they suddenly find their own brain imbalanced, resist admitting it and going for help? These same people who wouldn’t hesitate to seek out a doctor for a cold or a sprained ankle would insist that they don’t need help with a potentially deadly disease… just because it occurs in their brain.
A few months ago, I obtained a copy of my psychiatrist’s report and recommendations so I could take it to my doctor. In the report, my psychiatrist recommends that I stay on my antidepressants. She then reports that my depression and anxiety are currently “in remission.”
In remission.
Like it is a cancer.
That temporarily floored me. Then I thought some more. Why not use those terms? Depression isn’t like a cold or a sprained ankle. Like cancer, it can become deadly. It is a leading cause of death in people under age 35. In fact, suicide kills more people worldwide than breast cancer or leukemia do. More people die of depression than by accidental drowning. You are more likely to be killed by suicide than by another person, and again, that’s worldwide, not just in the first world.
Thank God that I am “in remission” from such a disease. I hope it never recurs.
Depression changes you. It robs you of your natural energy, your sense of self. I am no longer depressed, but I have forgotten how to be me. I have many friends who have never even known the non-depressed me. Their idea of who Carol is and how she works is totally off-kilter, because they didn’t really know Carol. Whenever I hear this song, I want to cry, because it is a little too true.
I’m not sure I know Carol either, anymore, but I’m going to try to find her.
We have a lot to talk about.
all i can say is, if and when you wean from the wellbutrin…. do so as slowly as possible. when i came off it, i just stopped it because i was allergic to it (or something in it i guess)…. and man was that a TRIP!!! not one you would want to take either:)
Yeah, last thing I want is a crash!
*applauding loudly*
Medicine has made progress in terms of mental illness but it still has a long way to go. A person training to be a medical doctor (in Qc anyway) only gets 6 weeks of training in psychiatry. SIX WEEKS. As an art therapy student I spent 9 months working in psychiatry. I had a client in therapy that had lived with depression for over 20 years. It was so much part of her DNA, part of her personality.
So glad your depression is in remission. It’s such a blessing for you to have avoided post-partum depression. I’ve had both “regular” and post-partum depression and PPD is a special kind of hell.
I hope you find Carol. Invite her over for tea when you do find her, I’m sure you have a lot of catching up to do 🙂
Thanks, I hope so too.
Fantastic post. It’s obvious that you are feeling better. I happened to read one of your posts from when you were buying & moving into the new condo the other day and it sounds like it was written by a different person – your anxieties in those days just permeated your words. You sound so much calmer now – I’m thrilled for you.
I really notice a difference in the anxiety. Not that I don’t worry, but I worry MUCH less.
*Stands up with Pinkbrain and continues appluading*
Depression is such a hard thing to explain to people (more the need for medication)- a lot of people don’t see it as they should, which is a disease. Just like cancer.
I’m so glad you avoided the PPD- I would have done the same thing with the medication- don’t fix something if it ain’t broke.
Wow! I’m shocked about this: “suicide kills more people worldwide than breast cancer or leukemia does.” Very, very interesting statistic.
You’re absolutely right. People think of mental illness much differently than they do physical ailments. Which is especially dumb when you consider that diabetes, for example, is very similar to depression in that there is an imbalance of chemicals in the body causing both conditions. I’m not sure why we expect people suffering from one of these to “suck it up” while the other people obviously require pharmacological help. Stupid cultural stigmas.
Anyway… I’m glad you’ve found what’s working for you. Absolutely don’t mess with it!
Yet another excellent post. You and I have discussed this issue to some extent, so I won’t bother repeating myself, but thank you for posting. I agree whole-heartedly, but, as you know, it’s taken me some time to understand this truth. I hope our society and the media catch up!
Well put, lady. Well put. *joins the applause*
I echo every sentiment. And the more research I am exposed to, the more firmly I feel that this is a very physical phenomenon. And holy crap, if having my chemistry tweaked by various meds and looking at the HUGE AND DRAMATIC changes in behaviour (unfortunately for the worse with me) didn’t convince me that chemicals are responsible for all that stuff, nothing would. Really, I am starting to think that “depression” is really an umbrella symptom list caused by various different physical problems (none of which we fully understand yet)…but that’s a different rant. 🙂
What really floors me is that things like epilepsy are perfectly acceptable. You can have anything you want wrong with any part of you, so long as it doesn’t affect your mood, or make you tired. Because as soon as it does one of those two things, you should be sucking it up and dealing with it yourself. If it does BOTH, you’re totally screwed.
I have actually told certain people in my life why I’m off work on disability by giving them a very accurate (as current science understands it) account of exactly what is wrong with me physically, but without mentioning “mood” anywhere in there. I actually described the chemical imbalances as “sort of like what happens with depression.” And they took the news fine, and were totally supportive and completely non-judgmental. …But I KNOW these particular people would have had that little sidelong glance of “how much of this is your fault?” if I had just told them I was depressed.
It’s sad how much of a stigma comes with this problem. I really hope we’re moving in the direction of shaking it, because it breaks my heart every time that stigma makes somebody feel even more alone, or makes things that much harder at a horrible time, or prevents someone from getting help when they need it. I think we have a long way to go. …But I think that the more of us speak up like you just did, the more we’ll eat away at those misconceptions.
What an interesting strategy! I like that idea – don’t name it, just give the symptoms…
so, so true. i feel like sending this post to my father, who likes to tell me that i shouldn’t be taking the pills because that means i’m hiding from the real problem, which is that my life is a mess. my life with my long-term relationship and my financial independence and my career and everything else. the only thing that is a mess is my brain chemistry, and you have articulated that fact perfectly.
Older people tend to be the worst, because they grew up with the “Crazy” stigma much more so than people nowadays.
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