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Next to the actual title of my blog, the most common search that leads people here is “my perfect future husband”. It makes me sad that for most people, perfect husbands only seem to exist in the future tense. Then again, I suppose those of us who have found their perfect husbands don’t need to run Internet searches for them.

A couple of people have run searches on “being the perfect husband” which leads me to believe that some men feel they just aren’t meeting standards, poor guys. I wonder if finding my page helped?

I certainly feel like I may have disappointed the people who got here using the following search terms:

“Love””bellybutton””poked”

…Does the searcher love their own belly button poked, or are they looking for someone who wants to receive some poking? Either way, I’m sorry I couldn’t help.

“areole torture”

Erm… are you experiencing it, or looking for it??

“popsicle walrus”

Right… enjoy.

“popsicle dog sod no”

What?

“pregnant for the second time really sad”

This search makes me feel blue, and I have no idea how they got here, considering that I was pregnant for the first time and pretty pleased about it.

“guy dressed up as a donair”

Now there’s an image. But the important thing is – is it a HALIFAX donair?? Here’s a clue – if he has lettuce on his costume, he ain’t a real donair.

“everyone thinks their dog is pretty”

Really? Even people who own Chinese Crested dogs?

“sad sack puppy stuffed animal”

This search time has actually come up several times… Not sure why…

“husband thinks he is perfect”

That must really suck, because anyone who believes that about themselves is definitely NOT.

“he call me babby what is babby”

This is why I don’t get into relationships with people whose language I cannot speak.

why does is call me jiggly

I don’t know, but… I’m sorry. Damn. Worst nickname ever. Bitch-slap “is” from me.

“i gave birth at12.38 today by caesarian my baby hasnt latched on to my breast yet how long will it take before he takes fluids”

Um… you know that Señor Google doesn’t actually answer your searches personally, right?

“will husband hit mucus plug”

…I don’t know, will you be pitching it like a fastball or like a curveball?

“if someone is called “babby” what is their real name?”

I dunno… Rabert, maybe?

inconsiderate husband snoring pregnancy

My husband has also been known to snore inconsiderately. How dare they make noise while unconscious, especially when a pregnant lady is suffering insomnia next to them? Jerks. If they loved us, they’d just never sleep.

women milk and hasband in badroom and sextes

I wander why people tand to overuse a as a vowal sound? I always imagine tham talking like Jahn Cleese doing a Manty Pythan skit.

husband put in bulging diaper

Thank heavens that infantilism is not a fetish of Perfect Husband’s. I don’t think I could deal with that.

eight month fetus penis

Hmm. “Fetus Penis”. Good name for a band?