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Next to the actual title of my blog, the most common search that leads people here is “my perfect future husband”. It makes me sad that for most people, perfect husbands only seem to exist in the future tense. Then again, I suppose those of us who have found their perfect husbands don’t need to run Internet searches for them.
A couple of people have run searches on “being the perfect husband” which leads me to believe that some men feel they just aren’t meeting standards, poor guys. I wonder if finding my page helped?
I certainly feel like I may have disappointed the people who got here using the following search terms:
“Love””bellybutton””poked”
…Does the searcher love their own belly button poked, or are they looking for someone who wants to receive some poking? Either way, I’m sorry I couldn’t help.
“areole torture”
Erm… are you experiencing it, or looking for it??
“popsicle walrus”
Right… enjoy.
“popsicle dog sod no”
What?
“pregnant for the second time really sad”
This search makes me feel blue, and I have no idea how they got here, considering that I was pregnant for the first time and pretty pleased about it.
“guy dressed up as a donair”
Now there’s an image. But the important thing is – is it a HALIFAX donair?? Here’s a clue – if he has lettuce on his costume, he ain’t a real donair.
“everyone thinks their dog is pretty”
Really? Even people who own Chinese Crested dogs?
“sad sack puppy stuffed animal”
This search time has actually come up several times… Not sure why…
“husband thinks he is perfect”
That must really suck, because anyone who believes that about themselves is definitely NOT.
“he call me babby what is babby”
This is why I don’t get into relationships with people whose language I cannot speak.
why does is call me jiggly
I don’t know, but… I’m sorry. Damn. Worst nickname ever. Bitch-slap “is” from me.
“i gave birth at12.38 today by caesarian my baby hasnt latched on to my breast yet how long will it take before he takes fluids”
Um… you know that Señor Google doesn’t actually answer your searches personally, right?
“will husband hit mucus plug”
…I don’t know, will you be pitching it like a fastball or like a curveball?
“if someone is called “babby” what is their real name?”
I dunno… Rabert, maybe?
inconsiderate husband snoring pregnancy
My husband has also been known to snore inconsiderately. How dare they make noise while unconscious, especially when a pregnant lady is suffering insomnia next to them? Jerks. If they loved us, they’d just never sleep.
women milk and hasband in badroom and sextes
I wander why people tand to overuse a as a vowal sound? I always imagine tham talking like Jahn Cleese doing a Manty Pythan skit.
husband put in bulging diaper
Thank heavens that infantilism is not a fetish of Perfect Husband’s. I don’t think I could deal with that.
eight month fetus penis
Hmm. “Fetus Penis”. Good name for a band?
I just woke up the dog, because I was snickering quietly to myself until I hit “eight month fetus penis” and I lost it entirely.
If I had a death metal band, I would TOTALLY name it that.
(Incidentally, my first boyfriend and his friends had a band. They were terrible – like, they spent lots of time being all garagey and rebellious but zero time actually learning to play their instruments. Anyway, they called themselves Dik and the Toxic Vaginaaz. True story.)
Whaaat? And they didn’t make it to the big time? I am shocked.
And that’s why people who are still in Jr. High, shouldn’t be allowed to name anything, ever.
Lamentably, we were in high school at the time.
So really, no excuse.
I think the rule still applies while in High School.
I’m thinking of the band that was well liked when I was in High School, SBP or Shit Band Parade as they prefered to be called.
“will husband hit mucus plug”
…I don’t know, will you be pitching it like a fastball or like a curveball?
“if someone is called “babby” what is their real name?”
I dunno… Rabert, maybe?
Gold. 😀
HAAAAAAHahahahahahahaha!!! This is one of my most favorite posts ever. I am laughing out loud (but not TOO loud cuz hubby is napping nearby). Your comment about Google not personally answering questions is great. Oh, so, so funny. This should run around the Internet for everyone to read. I’m going to go post it on Twitter now.
You know I love this stuff. 🙂 I’m so glad you posted these. Thank you for the laughs.
My previous comment had me logged in as “uscliza.” Crazy. That’s an old email. Just lettin’ you know it’s me, Liza, from Blahggy.