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Perfect Husband: *bursts into the bedroom* “Oh, you’re here. ”

Me: “Yeah… did you think I wasn’t?”

Perfect Husband: “Did… you know that the bathroom door is shut tight? And the light is on?”

Me: “No… that’s… really weird.”

Perfect Husband: “I’ve been standing outside it for ten minutes going ‘Carol? CAROL?? Are you okay???'”

Me: “I was here. I sorry. Why is the bathroom door closed??”

Perfect Husband: “I have no idea.”

Me: “Maybe a burglar got caught short.”

*We go down the hall and stare at the closed door, and the light shining out from the space between the door and the floor. PH turns the doorknob carefully and pushes the door ajar. The door swings open. There is no one inside. Not even the cat.*

Me: “Well that was anticlimactic.”

*half an hour later*

Me: *emerging from the bathroom* “Love, I think the toilet is leaking. There’s a pool of water gathered around the base.”

Perfect Husband: *goes in to inspect/clean up* “Uh… it’s urine.”

Me: “Huh… that’s got to be, like, the first time I’ve ever known you to miss.”

Perfect Husband: “I never miss. How can anyone miss a target that big? It must have been you.”

Me: “How can a girl miss?”

Perfect Husband: “Love… you’re pregnant… your bits are being pushed around in weird ways… maybe angles have changed.”

Me: “I have to hunch forward slightly in order to pee at all. There’s no way it was me.”

Perfect Husband: “But if it were me, there would be a splatter pattern, not a collected pool. And I’d notice splattering everywhere.”

*we look at each other suspiciously for a while.*

Me: “Maybe we have a ghost. It went into the bathroom, closed the door, turned on the light, peed, and missed.”

Perfect Husband: “Well, that makes sense. I know if I were a ghost I wouldn’t want anyone watching my ethereal pee.”

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