Excerpts from things I have heard murmured into my belly recently:

PH: Babby, you need to come out so I can hold you AND THEN I WILL EAT YOU ALL UP YUM YUM

***

PH: Hi, Babby, I’m your Daddy, but you can call me Snake.

Babby: *Kick*

Me: Did you just tell our child to call you SNAKE?

PH: Do you MIND? I’m TRYING to have a private conversation with my son.

***

PH: Hello, Babby, you are a babby. Want to hear a story? Once there was a babby, and he was loved very much, and then his uncle touched him in BAD PLACES.

***

And no, that last one was not biographical in any way, or a promise of anything to come, because our family isn’t into being evil.

Perfect Husband has just been negatively affected by the existence of this children’s book.

…It’s a good thing my son doesn’t actually speak English yet, but I despair about the world we are bringing him into.

One thing is for sure. HE WILL NOT BE READING THAT BOOK.

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