Ob Gyn again today. Everything went fine, and they found the babby’s heart beat this time! 160 beats per minute. He/She kept darting away from the doppler. Weird to think there’s something moving in there that I can’t even feel. Even weirder that I found further proof today that the baby is healthy and moving…but don’t even feel excited.
I’ve been feeling really, really low the last couple of days. Poor husband is all worried and sad because I am all listless and sad. I’m so tired, and I don’t even know why I’m sad. I’m still happy about the baby. But I feel so fat, and so useless. My pregnancy nose overwhelms me with disgusting smells ekeing from mysterious places in my house. I have a long list of stuff that needs doing which I continue to not do because I’m so tired all the time. Clearly I’m not competent enough to take care of myself, let alone a child. I keep gaining weight, but the only things I seem to be able to eat are things that make me gain weight. Eating meat makes me feel sick, so I live on carbs. But if I don’t eat at all… I feel sick. So I keep getting fatter. Even maternity clothes shopping isn’t really fun, just a struggle to find something that doesn’t make me look like a big fat pilgrim.
I’ve looked forward to being pregnant since I was a kid, when I would stick a stuffed animal in my Oshkosh B’Gosh overalls and pretend I was having a puppy. I always anticipated with glee the day when I would be shopping for maternity clothes, giggling at the fake bump pillow and enjoying finding things that showed off my belly after years of trying to hide the damn thing. But I just felt tired and fat all over, and as if it wasn’t even worth trying to find something flattering.
I should just put on a voluminous muu muu and accept that I will be one of those people who look like bloated ugly bags of mostly water during their pregnancy, instead of looking vibrant and glowingly gravid. The baby will probably take one look at me, and say “put me back in.”
Sorry you feel so sad and fat and tired. In my experience they do all get better.
((hugs))
The baby will adore you. Probably so much that you won’t be able to leave the room without the little guy having a hissy fit. =)
I gained 60lbs & felt gross, too. It does get better…
haven’t been pregnant so i can’t tell you that this will get better (or not). but girl, you and your other half will be amazing parents with a baby as cute as a button that loves you unconditionally! fat or not, bloated or not, baby will love you!!!
franzi
I gained 50 lbs with Isaac, was miserable, every part of me was pregnant (including my earlobes – I mean, who gains weight in their EARLOBES, honestly?) And oh, the tired. The bone-crushing tired of the first trimester. It was… horrible. I was so disappointed that pregnancy wasn’t what I’d thought it would be.
Second time around (and sorry Corinne, if you’re reading this) was even worse because dear sister was pregnant too, and while that was kind of fun it also made me feel like even more of an epicFAIL at pregnancy, because she was beautiful and lovely and glowing and had a reasonable bump in one place, and I was just… a giant pregnant whale.
I HATE being pregnant. I wasn’t excited much during either pregnancy. It’s a big reason why I’m pretty sure I’m done having kids. It’s just… NOFUN. And those women who love being pregnant? I hate them, just a little, because I envy them so.
My point is, be gentle on yourself. Don’t feel like a failure just because you don’t like being pregnant (don’t worry, motherhood will give you LOADS of opportunities to flagellate yourself). This too shall pass. Really.
I’m sorry you’re feeling so badly. I hope things get better soon. Once you get your energy back, and your belly starts looking obviously pregnant, and when you start feeling that baby move around, you’ll feel happier. Promise.
You are beautiful, Carol, and every picture I’ve seen of you since pregnancy has also been beautiful. And I don’t mean that in a (solely) inner-beauty-shines-through kind of way. You are about to have a beautiful family, in which each and every one of you will be extraordinarily lucky to have the others, baby included. I’m sorry you’re feeling so awful. I have no firsthand experience with pregnancy, but it sounds like there are a lot of things to not love mixed in with all the gushy wonderful stuff. As my pregnant coworker pointed out, it’s hard work making fingers and toes. Every pregnant woman in my life has pretty much felt like crap for the first trimester. There seems to be a consensus that mid-late second trimester is when the glow takes hold and things start to get easier.
Thanks, folks. I hope you’re right.