• Meet Me
    • Why If By Yes?
  • Meet Perfect Husband
  • Meet The Babbies

If By Yes

~ the musings of a left wing left hander with two left feet

If By Yes

Monthly Archives: February 2010

The Bad, the Good, and the Hilarious

27 Saturday Feb 2010

Posted by IfByYes in Life and Love, Well, That's Just Stupid

≈ 7 Comments

I got laid off this week. I knew it was coming – the charity has had to lay off over half of its workforce lately – but it still sucks.
Let’s not talk about that.

I saw the Gold Men’s Curling Game! It was awesome. Pictures of Kevin Martin and Norway’s Pants will come soon.

My giggle of the day: A man won a 10,000 Euro scratch ticket while on a plane. When the stewardess explained that they didn’t have 10,000 Euro on the plane and he would get to collect his prize after he landed, he became distraught. So he ATE HIS TICKET.

…Seems sensible.

What would that look like?

26 Friday Feb 2010

Posted by IfByYes in My Blag is on the Interwebs

≈ 1 Comment

Dear person who searched for “husband spanking clinic”,

I’m sorry you didn’t find what you were looking for on my website.

Um…

Did you find what you were looking for eventually??

And in related news, why is “I feel undesirable” one of my top search term hits, after various combinations of “If by yes”, “carol”, and “Perfect Husband”??

Because British Columbia IS nifty in its own way

24 Wednesday Feb 2010

Posted by IfByYes in Life and Love

≈ 1 Comment

As a counter-balance to my homesick rant, here is my homemade tribute to British Columbia. The video and the arrangement is all me. The music is far too awesome for anything I could ever possibly claim rights to, and therefore I do not.

Rantings of an Ex Pat

23 Tuesday Feb 2010

Posted by IfByYes in East, West, Home is Best, Life and Love, Well, That's Just Stupid

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

Cape Breton, Fiddling, Nova Scotia, Olympic opening ceremonies, Vancouver

When I lived in the Caribbean, I discovered that nothing makes you cherish your heritage and your nationality like living somewhere else.  Feeling adrift among people with different sayings, different holidays, and different ways of thinking, you are made more clearly aware of what you left behind.

I have become an East Coast expat… without even leaving the country.

I am somewhat bemused by the way the Olympics have brought an eddy of interest in other parts of Canada, notably MY part of Canada. The Atlantic Canada Pavilion on Granville Island is mobbed with long lines of people who want to taste the cuisine, listen to the folk sings, have their pictures taken in front of the Peggy’s Cove Lighthouse and join the evening “kitchen party”.

Things like this remind you of what you miss…

They don’t have kitchen parties in reserved, dignified Vancouver. There aren’t jam sessions or singalongs. There may be sushi.

Perfect Husband discovered years ago, when he first moved to BC, that Vancouverites consider it to be socially acceptable to not show up to events that they have RSVPed “yes” to, often without any kind of phone call or explanation. He figured it out after multiple dinners and gatherings in which only half of the expected people actually showed up. It’s not a lack of friendliness, or a slight against the host… just a certain urban apathy which is alien to the vibrantly extroverted folks in the East. If anything, I should feel more at home here.

But I do miss the music. I spent my childhood listening to my father and my uncle pick “Mr. Sandman”, croon to “The Tennessee Waltz” and then warble about how “it coulda bin the whisky… It mighta bin the gin…” In my adult years I sat around listening to friends mournfully singing “Northwest Passage” or “Barrett’s Privateers” over their mugs of India Pale Ale, or folks trying to pick out the tune to a Fingers Eleven song on their acoustic guitars. A trip down to the pub on a Saturday night got you a free show, as a group sat in the corner with their fiddles and their Bodhran drums jamming Celtic music.

At the Olympic opening ceremonies, when they brought out that “Rhythms of Fall” tribute to the East Coast, I felt excited, and vindicated, and homesick, and… pissed off. The fiddle music sounded similar to what I had heard my father’s fiddling group play, and what you hear coming from a gazebo at Upper Clements Park on a summer’s day… but it sounded wrong.  I can’t explain this feeling, and I can’t explain what was wrong. All I know is that it wasn’t East Coast. It wasn’t bad, but it was like the Vancouver donair with the red tortilla and the lettuce. It was an approximation. The fiddlers didn’t play like Nova Scotian fiddlers. They didn’t have Cape Breton in their soul.

When they did the highland dancing… it wasn’t highland dancing. It was TAP DANCING. I’m sorry, wearing a kilt does not make you a highland dancer, and tap moves do not fit in at a ceilidh.

AND WHAT WERE THEY WEARING?

“It looks like Ashley McIsaac designed their uniforms,” I said with irritation to Perfect Husband. Nova Scotia is not particularly proud of Ashley McIsaac. At least, not after the 1999 New Years fiasco.

Towards the end of the piece, though, I was getting so frustrated with the fiddling and its poor attempt at East Coast spirit that I finally said with exasperation to my husband,

“You know, I’m actually beginning to wish Ashley McIsaac would show up, just to show these people how it’s done!”

…”Ladies and Gentlemen… ASHLEY MCISAAC!” hollered the announcer the second I finished my sentence. He showed them how it is done.

I never thought I’d see the day when I’d feel a gush of relief to see… Ashley McIsaac.

This is what expatriation does to a person.

O Canada

22 Monday Feb 2010

Posted by IfByYes in How is Babby Formed?, Life's Little Moments

≈ 6 Comments

In which I explain the stealing of his thunder

21 Sunday Feb 2010

Posted by IfByYes in How is Babby Formed?, Life and Love, Perfect Husband

≈ 16 Comments

Tags

Olympics, Torch, Vancouver 2010

Okay.

So I know Perfect Husband was supposed to be the only torch bearer in the family. But here’s what happened:

I dropped him off at the meeting point, and the torch organizer lady who met us remembered him from Day 1. She called out his name and hugged him, and told him how happy she was that he was getting another chance to run with the torch. She smiled at me, and we talked, and then I drove off to find a place to park not far from his run segment.

I was reading in the car, waiting for time to pass, when my cell phone rang and it was Perfect Husband’s number. Only a woman was on the phone. It was the torch organizer, who had asked to borrow his phone and then looked up my number on it (I’m impressed that she remembered my name!). She said the person who was supposed to pass the torch to my husband had backed out at the last minute, and she thought it would be really nice for Perfect Husband if I were the one handing him the torch! Could I get down there right away?

I was there in minutes.

She got me to hide behind my car while she offered me a torch bearer’s outfit.

But there was something I was worried about. (“No!” you cry, “I can’t believe it, that doesn’t sound like Carol at all!”)

I was clutching the video camera, with which I planned to video PH’s ascendancy to Olympic glory. If I was running with the torch before him, I wouldn’t be able to video his run, and really, this was his day. So if there was no way around it… I’d rather not run than miss his moment.

“Oh, totally,” the girl said. “Let me make some calls.”

A phone call later, I was assured that someone from PH’s company would be there to video his run. So she suited me up in the white torch bearer snow suit.

“It fits perfectly!” she enthused, “I think it’s so awesome that you are going to get to pass the torch to your husband!”

“I’m pregnant, too,” I told her, “so I guess the whole family is going to carry the torch today.”

“Oh my God, Carol,” she said, covering her mouth and looking like she was going to cry, “That’s so amazing.”

PH looked stunned when she led me on the shuttle. He had suspected something was up when she borrowed his cell, but this hadn’t occurred to him. I kept asking if I was stealing his thunder, if this was ok. He said of course I had made the right decision. Let’s face it – I WAS stealing his thunder a bit, but not so much that he wasn’t happy about it. I handed him the video camera and told him to get it to his boss, who was going to be there to video his run.

There was a lot of energy in the shuttle. Every time we stopped to let someone off, the people outside would cheer and scream as the torchbearer stepped out, and inside we would scream and cheer too. My segment was a lonely stretch of highway, and of course we had no friends or family waiting for me, so I didn’t get the screaming crowd. But that was fine with me.

A lady from my husband’s company met me there and showed me that she had her camera with her. An RBC truck went by and everyone called my name and high-fived me. Then a Coke truck came by and a horde of people in red ran out and hugged me! A guy on a bike came to turn on my torch just as the previous torch bearer came jogging up with the media truck leading in front. I prayed that I would be able to hold the torch without my arm falling off. It was maybe five pounds or so with the fuel in it, but we were supposed to hold it up high so we would a) look proud and b) not catch fire.

The flame was passed to me and I high-fived the previous torch bearer, then I set off on my stretch. I did it at a jog, and the people running next to me were like “you don’t have to run, you know!” but I knew I had to because my arm couldn’t hold the torch up for very long! As it was, I was switching hands every few feet by the end of it, and I ran out of steam and plodded part of the way. Perfect Husband was waiting for me.

Holding out our torches, I passed him the flame, and then he wrapped his arm around me and kissed me. My torch started to tilt sideways, scaring Bike Guy to death, but I caught it, held it in both hands, and he kissed me again (Perfect Husband, not Bike Guy). Then they loaded me on the return shuttle and PH took off on his run.

It was an amazing but emotionally exhausting day.

It was only the next day that I would discover that my husband’s boss didn’t press the Record button on the video camera, and so no footage of either of our runs was taken.

But CTV took video with the media truck, so we’re going to buy our segment off of them. People have been telling us that they have seen shots of our torch bearer kiss replayed in montage moments over the course of the Olympics, but we have not seen this. One family member saw us in a Coke commercial montage, and another claims to have seen us in the torch montage before the Opening Ceremonies. So if you see two torch bearers kissing on TV this week… cheer for us!

Also, we now have three torches in the house. This seems excessive. Anyone want a torch?

Awwww, they’re so cute!

18 Thursday Feb 2010

Posted by IfByYes in Pointless Posts

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

hockey, Olympics

Does anybody else feel that watching the Slovak and Swiss Women’s hockey teams play against each other is kind of like watching a timbits game, because they both suck so equally that it’s just kind of cute? Look! Dey tink dey can play hockey! Fwaw.

It’s aliiiiiiive! ALIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

16 Tuesday Feb 2010

Posted by IfByYes in How is Babby Formed?

≈ 18 Comments

Tags

pregnancy, ultrasound

Of course you were all right and the baby is fine. Looking like a little alien, heart flickering, lying still mostly but then occasionally giving a hiccup-like movement, reminiscent of a mexican jumping bean.

PH was ticked off because they wouldn’t let him in with me at first. So he waited and fidgeted anxiously, wondering whether his child was alive, while the ultrasound tech showed me my adorable little alien babby. Finally my repeated “..So, can my husband come in now?” was responded to and he was ushered in and hustled against a back wall, by my feet. I gave him a reassuring smile and told him it was fine while she found the babby again and it gave another little hop just for Daddy. Daddy looked too relieved to be overjoyed. He just squeezed my foot and stared.

One alien babby, 63 mm long, alive and twitching:

World's Youngest BNL Fan

World's youngest BNL fan

We finished up the day with the Victory Ceremony and Barenaked Ladies, so that made it a pretty darn good day. Perfect Husband’s facebook status yesterday was “tomorrow will either be the worst day ever, or the best day ever…”

We are so grateful that it was the latter, and not the former. Crisis averted. THIS time!

Breathe for me

15 Monday Feb 2010

Posted by IfByYes in How is Babby Formed?

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

pregnancy

I know you’re waiting on the big torch bearer update, and it’s coming – I have it half written. But first I need you guys to think really good thoughts for me.

Had my first OBGYN appointment today, at 12 weeks along, and while my worries about finding them curt or dismissive or anything like Dr. Useless turned out to be usual Carol nonsense… something I hadn’t worried enough about happened instead. (See, I’m still convinced that worrying prevents problems, and if I had only worried about this enough, instead of worrying about that, things would have been different.)

They couldn’t find a heart beat on the doppler. The intern tried it, then called in the experienced RN, who had an excellent bedside manner being a combination of both brisk and efficient, but sympathetic and cheerful… and she couldn’t find it either.

She looked at me.

“You’re going to worry about this, aren’t you?”

“No…”

“You’re lying, aren’t you?”

“Through her teeth,” said Perfect Husband, who wasn’t looking relaxed either.

“I’m sure it’s nothing, the baby is really small right now and this happens a lot. But we’re going to get you an early ultrasound, just to put your mind at ease,” she said cheerfully.

So we waited while she argued with an ultrasound clinic over the phone. She came in looking (somehow) annoyed but still cheerful.

“So, I tried but I couldn’t get you in for today. They said they had male rooms, but no female rooms available. I don’t understand why you can’t go into a male room, since it’s the same equipment and it’s only one person at a time, but they got annoyed when I started asking questions, so it’s tomorrow.”

Balancing reassurance and sympathy perfectly (and hey, that’s tough – to dismiss concerns without sounding dismissive? That takes talent.) they told us again and again that this happens all the time, and we promised that we wouldn’t worry about it.

“You’re lying again, aren’t you?”

They’re good.

We know everything will be fine tomorrow. And then we’ll go to the Victory Ceremony and see the Barenaked Ladies! Plus we get to see our baby way earlier than we would have otherwise. So it’s all good.

But… think good thoughts for us anyway, ok?

With glowing hearts

12 Friday Feb 2010

Posted by IfByYes in How is Babby Formed?, Life and Love

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

love, Olympics, relay, Torch, Vancouver 2010

← Older posts

Syndicated on BlogHer

I was syndicated on BlogHer.com

NaNoWriMo!

Contact Me

ifbyyes AT gmail DOT com

Subscribe Using That RSS Thing

RSS Feed RSS - Posts

RSS Feed RSS - Comments

“Facebook” Me (it’s a verb now, apparently)

“Facebook” Me (it’s a verb now, apparently)

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 317 other followers

I’m a Twit!

  • I Don’t Think I Mean What You Think I Mean ifbyyes.wordpress.com/2018/10/08/i-d… 2 years ago
  • The Cliff ifbyyes.wordpress.com/2018/09/01/the… https://t.co/0Xn1FFKHrF 2 years ago
  • RT @lynchauthor: AAAAAH that's so amazing thank you! Can I cross post this to my tumblr? twitter.com/Kefka73/status… 2 years ago

This Month, On A Very Special “If By Yes”…

February 2010
M T W T F S S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
« Jan   Mar »

Most Popular

  • Poor Ron: In Which Everyone Completely Underestimates Ron Weasley, Even His Creator (Part 1)
    Poor Ron: In Which Everyone Completely Underestimates Ron Weasley, Even His Creator (Part 1)
  • Blog Tag: In Which I Answer Questions And Posit My Own
    Blog Tag: In Which I Answer Questions And Posit My Own
  • Show Your Breasts For Amanda Todd, Or, In Which I Finally Deal With Amanda Todd's Death
    Show Your Breasts For Amanda Todd, Or, In Which I Finally Deal With Amanda Todd's Death
  • Rowling vs Meyer, Round 4 -  How Can I Describe Meyer's Writing?
    Rowling vs Meyer, Round 4 - How Can I Describe Meyer's Writing?
  • The Cancer Principle: Depression is Okay, Abuse Is Not
    The Cancer Principle: Depression is Okay, Abuse Is Not
  • Be It Ever So Humble
    Be It Ever So Humble
  • Why We Don't Want Our Son To Think He's Smart.
    Why We Don't Want Our Son To Think He's Smart.
  • Poor Ron, Part 2: In Which I Explain That Ron Is Perfect For Hermione
    Poor Ron, Part 2: In Which I Explain That Ron Is Perfect For Hermione
  • Round 1: In Which Stephenie Meyer Confuses Feminism With Kung Fu.
    Round 1: In Which Stephenie Meyer Confuses Feminism With Kung Fu.
  • Quality Over Quantity
    Quality Over Quantity

Look Through The Vault

By Category

  • Autism (1)
  • Belly Battles (20)
  • Damn Dogs (35)
  • Early Writings By A Child Genius (9)
  • East, West, Home is Best (42)
  • I'm Sure This Happens To Everyone… (122)
  • Life and Love (635)
    • 30 Posts To 30 (24)
    • Fritter Away (11)
    • From The Owlery (89)
    • How is Babby Formed? (227)
    • Me vs The Sad (72)
    • The House Saga (27)
  • Life's Little Moments (59)
  • My Blag is on the Interwebs (91)
    • Memes (15)
  • Perfect Husband (87)
  • Pointless Posts (73)
  • Polls (6)
  • Shhh, I'm Reading (55)
    • TwiBashing (21)
  • Uncategorized (2)
  • Vids and Vlogs (22)
  • We Are Family (30)
  • Well (1)
  • Well, That's Just Stupid (83)
    • Oh The Inanity (15)

Blogroll

  • A Little Pregnant
  • Also Known As The Wife
  • Are You Sure This Is A Good Idea?
  • Bub and Pie
  • Built In Birth Control
  • Clicker Training, Mother F***er!
  • Daycare Daze
  • Don't Mind The Mess
  • Dooce
  • Emotional Umbrella
  • Fail Blog
  • Held Back By My Spanx
  • Hodgepodge and Strawberries
  • Ken and Dot's Allsorts
  • Kloppenmum
  • Light Green: Life As Activism
  • Magpie Musing
  • Mommy By Day
  • Mr Chicken and the Ninja Kitties
  • Not Always Right
  • Passive Aggressive Notes
  • Postcards From Oblivion
  • Reasoning With Vampires
  • Sweet Salty Kate
  • The Angus Diaries
  • The Domesticated Nerd Girl
  • The Problem With Young People Today Is…
  • The Salted Tomato
  • The Squeee
  • The Urban Cowgirl
  • Unable to Relate
  • Wings And Boots

You Can Has Blog Button!

If By Yes If By Yes

Member of:

For Women

BlogHer.com Logo

Follow my blog with bloglovin

If By Yes - Find me on Bloggers.com

Vote For Me!

Good Blogs - Vote me to the Front Page!

The Latest Talk

Charles on TuTu Cool For School
Mamma_Simona on I Don’t Think I Mean Wha…
Traxy on Fifty Shades of Oh, Holy F***,…
IfByYes on Fifty Shades of Oh, Holy F***,…
Laura H. on What I Would Like to Say to Je…

Pages

  • Meet Me
    • Why If By Yes?
  • Meet Perfect Husband
  • Meet The Babbies

Cancel

 
Loading Comments...
Comment
    ×
    Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
    To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy